Cripple fight!
S5 E2Cripple Fight
You do not say "big silly goose," you call him an asshole like a normal kid!
But Dad, I was just trying to-
Stanley, you call your friend an asshole this instant!
[to Cartman] Asshole.
That's better.
Don't call me an asshole, you big son of a bitch!
Sometimes it's like, "Please Timmy, learn a new word," huh, huh. [imitates Timmy] "Timmy!"
[angry] Aah!
[continues impression] I'm living a lie, I'm living a lie, Timmy!
Kenny's dad and I were in Scouts for years.
Was your dad in Scouts, Cartman? Oh yeah, you don't have a dad. [everyone laughs]
That's not funny! Jesus Christ!
Timmy!
Not this year!
Timmy? Timmy, I told you to put on the hat! [punches him in the stomach]
You dirty motherfucker!
S5 E3Super Best Friends
I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.
MWMagic Workshop Leader
...Right, yeah. Eh, see, the reason that you are unhandy.
[coldly] And then I always get woken up in the morning by the sounds of my own screams. Do you think I'm unhappy?
[to Stan and Kyle] Ah, that's so sweet, you guys! Hey you want to get a room so you can make out for a while? [laughs. Kyle kicks him in the balls] Ow! [Stan kicks him in the balls] Aargh! [boys take turns kicking him] Stop it! Aaargh!
Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan No, I'm Stan.
You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Who are you?
I'm Kyle.
He-he, guess who I am, guys?
I'm not going anywhere.
Goddammit, I'm not going with you! I want to stay here!
Huh? I thought you wanted to leave.
Oh wait, who am I again?
You're Stan.
S5 E4Scott Tenorman Must Die
[As Cartman tries to recruit the other kids to help him take revenge]
Why should we all care about getting Scott Tenorman back for you?
Oh, right. Why should we care? Yes, why should we care? Indeed, eh. Let's just let Scott Tenorman walk away with my sixteen dollars and twelve cents. Well, let's let all the Scott Tenormans of the world take what's ours and laugh in our faces. Why stand up for yourselves when you can just walk out of here right now and say, "It's not your problem." But... years from now, when you're old and have children of your own, what would you give to come back and fight this one day? This one day, when you could have made a difference! Where you could have told Scott Tenorman, "You may take our pride, but you'll never take MY GODDAMNED SIXTEEN DOLLARS AND TWELVE CENTS!!!" Now who's with me?!!
[Cartman turns around; All the other kids have left, except for Timmy]
Timmy!
[groans] Christ. Alright, I guess it's just you and me, Timmy.
Eu uh, living a lie, Timmih. [rolls out of the room on his wheelchair]
S5 E5Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow
YTYoung Terrance and Phillip
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham
Step to the left and clap your hands!
Gosh, we love that chicken and ham
Don't they love that chicken and ham?
WWoman
Oh my God, what's wrong with their heads?
MMan
It's all right, darling. They're just Canadian.
WWoman
Oh.
Say, Terrance, I'm getting worried about all these Russians making missiles. Maybe we should stop this "cold war."
Here's a missile for ya! [farts]
Say, Terrance, what should we do about this strange planet we've crashed on?
I don't know, Phillip. It seems like the alien species here breathe an inert gas.
Oh oh, did you say what I thought you said? [farts; they both laugh]
GLGoat Leader
As leader of the goat people, I have seen my species nearly wiped out by your dangerous gas.
Wow, that sucks.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.