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SpongeBob SquarePants quotes

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SpongeBob SquarePants

S14Pet the Rock

[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]

GGuard

[removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. [SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position] Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet.

Of course! [holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]

GGuard

[takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock.

Yeah! His name is Rolly!

GGuard

I don't see how this thing is a pet?

[tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.]

GGuard

Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat]

S14Tango Tangle

SSuzie

[as Plankton stands up and tries to keep his balance] Legs ain't your problem, honey. If you want to tango, you got to learn to dance with your [moves hips] hips.

With my lips? [live-action close-up of him moving his lips] This isn't working.

[eyes roll off her screen] Ugh.

SSuzie

That's because I said hips! Watch me. All you got to do is... [moves hips]

Wow, your hips are so hip. You got your work cut out for you, Sheldon.

My hips can't do that.

SSuzie

Of course they can. You got to force them to do it. [holds onto Plankton and Karen] The tango is physical, [dances with Karen] emotional, and most importantly, [pushes the two out of the way] aggressive.

PKPlankton and Karen

What?

Aggressive? [grinning evilly with Karen] Now you're talking my language.

Yeah, we speak fluent aggression.

SSuzie

Good. Tap into that aggression and put it in your [flexes arm] hips. Now, abrazo. [slams hands together] Embrace!

PKPlankton and Karen

[grabbing onto each other] Abrazo.

S14Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con

EWEvil Witch

[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook] A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. [puts the ingredients in a cauldron] Shoo. [a plate of French toast floats up] French toast? [taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up] Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? [grabs the cookbook and reads the name] "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. [the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh? Right [the wand transforms into a fork] after I finish my quiche.

[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]

Why is this happening?

Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. [Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously] Would explain the [the Necronomicon book flies out the order window] cauldron too. [points to the Necronomicon flying] And the flying cookbook.

[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]

[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster!

[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]

EWEvil Witch

Oh, so this is where my spell book went.

[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]

Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward.

EWEvil Witch

Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! [belches] I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook.

S14PL-1413

FKFuture Karen

[phases through the Chrome Bucket as a chrome orb] Sheldon, welcome home.

Karen, is that you? I see you've had some work done.

FKFuture Karen

Uh-huh. And that's not the only work I've been doing.

Ooh. [rubbing hands] Have you completed some kind of deadly destructive robot?

FKFuture Karen

Negative. [displays an easel] I have been working on my art pieces. [sprays a gray background with two squiggly lines] I'm quite successful, in fact. [A couple appears.]

WWife

Oh, honey, [pointing] this would match the couch in the living room.

HHusband

We'll [holds up chrome money] take it. [Future Karen takes the money, then the couple walk off with the painting]

S14In the Mood to Feud

PNPa Narwhal

[pointing] Say, man, is that pink city slicker with you? [Patrick is sucking up an entire tree, swallows, and sighs to let out a bumble jelly] He sure is brave.

Brave?

MNMa Narwhal

Yup. The only reason the bumble jellies let us collect their jelly is because we allow 'em to sting us. [knocks over her husband, laughs]

You let them sting you?

MNMa Narwhal

[shows off her sting-covered arm] Darn tootin'!

S14Mooned!

KKevin

I'm not really sure about you [fixes his glasses] finally catching your own jellyfish, SpongeBob.

I'll catch a jellyfish, [holds his net to the sky] no matter how it'll take! I'm gonna become the new leader of the Jellyspotters!

S14The Dirty Bubble Bass

Yes, I'm free!

The Dirty Bubble!

You chewing that crusty gum has freed me from Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap! What's your name, my bulbous buddy?

My name is Bubble Bass.

What a perfect name for my new sidekick. Or should I say, in-sidekick? [swallows Bubble Bass and spits the tub out]

[screaming and stretching in the Dirty Bubble] Let me out!

[laughs evilly as he retracts to fit Bubble Bass' shape] As a reward for releasing me, you're my new partner in crime.

[opens bathroom door while holding a basket of laundry] What's going on in--? Huh? Bubble Bass, you're even filthier than before you took a bath!

It's not my fault, Mother. I'm trapped inside this foul felon!

S14Sheldon SquarePants

[points up] That cloud looks like an elephant fish.

[points] That one looks like an iron maiden.

[points] That one looks like a baby jellyfish.

Ooh, [points] that one looks like a depth charge. Thank you, SpongeBob, for a truly wonderful day. [gets up] I had a lot of brothers and sister growing up, but never one who was actually nice to me.

Little brother, I'm ready.

Ready? Ready for what?

[stands up holding the brotherly love meter] We're real brothers now. [tosses away meter] I'm ready to share my deepest, most secretest [Plankton's pupil turns into the secret formula] secret. [Plankton forms an evil expression] I swore I'd never tell it to anyone. Oh, but I'm nervous. Could you go first?

Of course. Anything for my brother. Eh. [pacing] I put on a gruff exterior because I don't want the world to hurt me. But deep down, I'm afraid I'll push everyone away and end up alone. [looks up at SpongeBob, whose sad face is shown in a close-up]

Well, thanks very much for sharing that, little brother. Now it's my turn. [inhales deeply] No one is supposed to know this, but--but--

Yes? [holds out pen and notepad] Yes?

My tie, it's-- [holds out his tie, which is revealed to be a clip-on] a clip-on!

[points with pen] I knew it! Wait, what?

I never learned how to tie a tie! Look at it! Look at it! [holds tie in front of Plankton and rubs it onto him] Look your eyes upon my accursed shame! [breathes heavily, wipes sweat] Whew, sure felt good to get that off my chest.

That's it? That's your secret? [grabs eye] Are you kidding me?

Yep, that was it. Wait, are you upset?

You're darn right I am! You were supposed to tell me the secret formula! Nobody cares about your tie!

The secret formula? That's what you wanted to hear? Oh, I can't share that. [pokes head] It's locked in my brain box.

[Zoom into SpongeBob's brain box, where a police guard Mr. Krabs is snoring while lounging in front of a safe. Beeping is heard.]

Well, then, [holds up chainsaw] I'll use this key to unlock it! [laughs evilly, SpongeBob shrieks, Plankton laughs evilly even more, then is taken away by Harold, swinging around while being held]

Oh, boy, I was afraid of this.

[holding the basket] It looks like you two just weren't made to be brothers. [shakes head] Such a shame.

[Harold places white clothing onto him] Hey, what are you doing?

Well, the only thing responsible parents can do--making our child someone else's problem. [places Plankton in the basket, then he and Margaret take off]

[waving] Bye, Plankton. I really liked having you as a brother.

Yeah, well, I hated every minute-- [Harold puts a pacifier in his mouth, which he sucks on, Margaret places Plankton in the basket in front of the Star family house, rings the doorbell, then he and Margaret quickly leave]

BBunny

[answers the front door with Cecil] Why, look, Cecil! It's a baby boy.

CCecil

Fantastic! I've always wanted our son to have a brother. Oh, Patrick!

[opens the top window and jumps out of it, taking Plankton with him] All right! Let's play checkers! [spits out a checkerboard and hits Plankton against the board repeatedly] Checkers! Checkers! Checkers!

Ouch! Ow! [Patrick giggles, injured] Oh, brother.

S14 E11Snow Yellow

HHans

[turning the page] While the Prince took a quick nappy-poo, the seven jellies who live in the hive were happily at work.

[Melodic buzzing is heard as the camera pans down to the seven jellies, with most of them in a minecart. Gary tosses a pickax to Nutty, then to Puffy, Drippy, Cooty, and Dummy. A pickax falls onto Dummy's head, who grabs it. The jellies are seen mining for jelly as Gary passes by on a minecart rack.]

SJSeven Jellies

[singing] ♪ We mine, flowers of the sea so we can make sweet jelly.

KKrusty

[using a calculator] ♪ And I can make, me money. ♪

DDummy

[emerges from the jelly pile] ♪ This pollen sure smells funny. ♪ [sneezes, propelling himself into the sky, screaming]

NNutty

[mines at a flower, then struggles to pull her pickax out, which hits the other jellies, making Puffy inflate as well and making everyone fall down into the jelly barrow]

KKrusty

Ooh!

Meow?

NNutty

[gasps, then yells as Dummy crushes her into the pile, then everyone emerges from it]

AAll

[look at each other] Huh? [laugh before a cuckoo clock goes off]

[A cuckoo clock on the side of a mountain goes off. The cuckoo bird, which looks like Lady Prunes, comes out.]

CCuckoo

Stop working, you morons! It's 5 o'clock! [spits] Bingo! [goes back inside the clock]

SJSeven Jellies

[cheering as they leave]

DDrippy

[grunting as he pushes the minecart]

HHans

[narrating] When the Seven Jellies got home, [the jellies enter their house, Nutty screams] They did not expect to find a snoring monster in their kitchen.

SYSnow Yellow

[stuck in the same position, snoring]

S14 E13Sandy's Country Christmas

[with a bag of popcorn] Oh, my. I hope he isn't too hurt. [eats popcorn, chuckles]

[jumps down to Santa] Santa, talk to me, big fella. [grabs him]

SSanta

[groans, disoriented] Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny is here to see you. [points to Sandy]

Oh, that ain't good. Come on, Santa. Don't you know what day it is?

SSanta

Of course. [holds up a heart and flowers] Happy Valentine's Day! [kisses Sandy] Mwah. [falls over and groans]

CCrowd

Oh.

Oh, boy..

That old elf is one sugarplum shy of a fruitcake.

Yeah, bro. How is Santa gonna deliver our presents now?

He's not. Sandy knocked him right out of the sky with her big dumb tree.

That's exactly why I don't trust trees. [SpongeBob puts his hand on his shoulder]

But what's the point of having Christmas without any [screams] PRESENTS!?

You, like, totally ruined Christmas. [cries, running off and knocking people over]

CCrowd

[angrily leaves]

Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, y'all.

It'll be OK, Sandy. At least Santa's having a good time.

SSanta

[walking drunkenly] Hey, where are you goin'? The party's just gettin' started. [party horn toots, falls down] Whoa! [party horn toots]

[puts her hands on her face] Oh!

S15Sammy Suckerfish

S15Big League Bob

[flips a patty in the kitchen, putting it all together on a plate]

Huh? [to SpongeBob] Will you cut the pizzazz and finish the order? [grunts]

[opens a pickle jar, slipping] Whoops! [hits the pickles with his spatula, jumps onto Squidward's head, and leaps into the air, grabbing a rope and catching all the ingredients with a plate; he jumps on Squidward's head again and goes back into the kitchen]

RMRestaurant manager

[as SpongeBob tosses patties] Time out! [snatches a patty] You're supposed to be cooking high-class cuisine, not fast food.

[shrugs] Yeah, well, [jumps onto the counter] thanks for the opportunity, but I like it better in the Krusty leagues. [takes off his chef hat and gives it to the restaurant manager] I forfeit. [jumps off the counter]

RMRestaurant manager

Huh, these kids today. [walks off] No respect for the game.

S15UpWard

[Squidward enters at The Krusty Krab.]

Hello, Losers!

[his head turns Alaround) Hi, Squidward!

[while putting his money on a cash register] What's with all thr joy, Mr. Squidward?

I'm a paid musician Now!

You? Musician? Paid?! [Starts laughing]

Laugh all you Want, but it's True. I don't need This miniwage prison anymore! I quit! [Leaves in a huff, Mr. Krabs continues laughing]

S15Unidentified Flailing Octopus

[SpongeBob and Patrick, with Space alien hats, start to Celebrate.]

BBoth

Yeah! Cool!

[Squidward enters with a Space alien mask and a nightshirt]

Greetings, Earthlings.

[Stammering] A r-r-r-real space alien! Greetings, sir.

[Laughs and takes off the mask] It's me, you tin - foiled twins! It Was all me! Space aliens don't exist! Get it?!

Thank you, Squidward. [He and Patrick take off their hats] We can see know how silly we really were.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.