Ooh, you got him, Patrick!
You're mine now, jelly! [Jellyfish buzzes and flinches; Patrick falls asleep, snoring]
S15The Sandman Cometh
S15Biscuit Ballyhoo
Make mine extra mushy.
S15Weiner Takes All
[After Squidward sees the Weenie Nut Jr. manager commercial] A manager? That's for me! [takes his hat on the old lady and they dance gleefully before he leaves] So long, Krusty Krab!
OOld lady
[waving] So long.
My squiddy sense is tingling!
S15Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium
[Squidward sits down at a table to read a newspaper and accidentally rips it after hearing a honking noise.]
[crumples and tosses away his newspaper] Dad, can you keep your honking down?! [looks out his side window and gets shocked while discovering SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] Oh, no.
[Jeffy squeezing a rubber chicken in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, who started laughing and clapping]
JJeffy
If you like rubber chickens, you'll love this bicycle horn! [honks a bicycle horn, blowing on SpongeBob and Patrick's face and they laugh again] That's right, boys. I've got horns aplenty. Foghorns! [uses a foghorn in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, blowing fog at them] French horns! [blows a French horn, which makes a French man noise and shoots a baguette into SpongeBob's face] Bull horns! [blows a horn to inflate an inflatable bull] Just $9.99 each. [the bull falls onto SpongeBob and Patrick] I take all major credit cards, but I promise [nudges SpongeBob with his elbow] I'd give them all back. [he, SpongeBob and Patrick laugh and Squidward walked angrily]
Please do not arm my annoying neighbors with even more annoying props! I'm begging you, father.
[he and Patrick gasp in shock] Squidward, this is your dad?!
I thought Mr. Krabs was your dad!
No, Patrick, and I would appreciate it if you left my father and I alone. [tries bringing Jeffy along with him to leave]
JJeffy
Oh, come on, Squidward. Join in. It's just harmless fun.
[now with a joy buzzer] Yeah, harmless fun. Put her there, Patrick.
[Patrick puts his hand out for SpongeBob and gets electrocuted, then puts out his hand again with a joy buzzer. SpongeBob puts out his hand and gets electrocuted. Lastly, they high-five and both get electrocuted and they laugh.]
No. [walks away]
JJeffy
[puts both of his tentacles out with joy buzzers] Here, let me help you two up. [SpongeBob and Patrick get electrocuted, then they all laugh]
[closes the bedroom curtains] Well, today was a wash. Guess I'll try again tomorrow. I just need to sleep for... [winds his alarm clock] 23 1/2 hours. [tries to go to sleep, but a fart sound comes out from a whoopee cushion below his bed]
S15A Fish Called Sandy
[The episode starts with a pan to Bikini Bottom.]
Ah, the ocean. So bustling with aquatic life. So wet. [Sandy approaches from the distance] Ooh! Here comes one of the most elusive of sea creatures now: the squirrel.
[SpongeBob is blowing with the gum wrapper from "The Paper"]
Howdy, SpongeBob. Uh, could you give me some feedback on this scientific paper I'm writing?
I loved to, Sandy.
The ocean is permitted with a multitude of aquatic life. From the amaties, hespect terrorist, to the astrodua and the perifera, though the differences are ostensible, there is a plethora of similarities. SpongeBob? Are you alright?
[shivering] Your science paper... so cold. So d-d-didactic.
Gosh, you reckon it's too heavy on the technical side?
S16Bizarro Bottom
Customers at the Chum Bucket? My eyes must be tired.
[Much later, SpongeBob goes to the optometrist to get some glasses. He walks out with his new glasses.]
There. That looks better.
[POV of SpongeBob: He actually got glasses that really just blur up everything he sees.]
Blurry, but in a reassuring way. Oh, wait till I tell Patrick, and Sandy what a strange morning I had. Ooh, there they are now.
[He looks across the street to see what he thinks are Patrick Star, and Sandy Cheeks sitting at a table chatting. Remember, the glasses SpongeBob got just blurs up everything he sees. SpongeBob calls out, and waves to them.]
Patrick! Sandy!
[SpongeBob runs across the street to meet up with who he thinks are Patrick, and Sandy, but he makes boat cars crash into each other in the process. Some of them are even burning, or exploding.]
Yoo-hoo! Hey! Sandy! Patrick!
[SpongeBob finally meets up to who he thinks are Sandy, and Patrick.]
Boy, am I glad to see you guys. Mind if I have some of your fries, Patrick?
[SpongeBob takes some of the straws, mistaking them for fries, and eats them.]
A little dry...
[After swallowing the straws, SpongeBob notices the flower in a vase.]
Mind if I have a sip of your soda, Sandy?
[SpongeBob drinks what's inside the vase, and gets disgusted a bit.]
Oh, that is off.
[He places the vase down on the table.]
This day has been bonkers! Squidward was a squid, Mr. Krabs was blue, and the Krabby Patties were tacos! Oh, I'm just so glad to run into my best pals, Patrick, and Sandy.
PPreston
Who are Patrick, and Sandy?
[SpongeBob takes off his glasses. The two that he met up are not Patrick, and Sandy. They are actually Sammy, and Preston, both of them are paralleling Patrick, and Sandy.]
PPreston
I assure you, good sir, my name is Preston. I know not of this Patrick you speak of.
SSammy
Duh-huh. And me am Sammy. Am I be a squirrel folk!
[SpongeBob got extremely confused again]
Everything is still all crazy! Ahhhhh!
[SpongeBob runs off, going crazy again.]
S16Exchange Student Driver
[wearing Mrs. Puff's hair] Hi, Mrs. Puff. I'm back.
Oh, hello, SpongeBob. [takes her hair back] They kick you out of driving school already?
No, I graduated. [holds up the turnip]
A Klopnodian driving license. You passed? How?
Guess I just needed a change of scenery. Allow me to show you my new Klopnodian licensed driving skills?
Well, I have to say, I am curious.
S16Laundro-Madness
Harvesting my crops, ya-ta-ta-ta. [briefly takes off his hat; harvests peppers from a bush] Peppers look delish, ya-ta-ta-ta. [sees SpongeBob's nose in a bush, mistaken for a banana pepper] Banana pepper, too. Ya-ta-ta--ta! [pulls SpongeBob out from a bush and screams, squirting ink all over himself, leaving a stain on his shirt]
[jumps out of the bush] Good morning, Squidward! Ya-ta-ta-ta!
[hits SpongeBob's hat off] Ya-ta-ta-ta my foot! You made me ink on my last clean shirt! [pulls on his shirt] Now I have to go to the laundromat. [walks away]
[slowly gasps] The laundromat? [imagining dirty people in a thought bubble] Why, that's a magical place where all filth and grime is washed away, [lots of water splashes onto the people, cleaning them] making clothes spring fresh.
S16Heart of Garbage
Oh, what now? Will you clowns be quiet?! I am trying to meditate!
The——the trash goes in the truck, not on my lawn! Just put the garbage where it's supposed to go!
Hey, my roof! [garbage comes piling down in Squidward's house] Well, this stinks.
[appears on the floor, exhausted from working as a cashier and as a frycook all at once; voiceover] I'm exhausted. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up back at the lunch rush. I've been on my break for five minutes and all I can think about is getting my next order.
[comes in] Why are you on the floor, lad?
Sorry, Mr. Krabs. Just takin' a break.
Break?! Since when did you start takin' breaks?
Since I started doing both my job and Squidward's at the same time.
Squidward didn't show up today?
Squidward hasn't come to work in six months.
Really?
[gets up] I just can't keep up the pace, Mr. Krabs. I'll go to his house to see if he's okay.
Whoa, there, laddie! You have two jobs to cover. You can go visit Squidward when you're off the clock.
S16The Green Tentacle
[The episode begins at Sandy's treedome and it is the first day of spring. A robin flies up to the window, chirping happily.]
[sighs as she prepares some tea] Nothin' better than sweet tea in springtime. [hears a knock on her door] There's SpongeBob now! [heads out to go let SpongeBob in]
[Little does Sandy know, the leaves on her tree begin to whiter and fall off of the branches.]
[exits her treedome, but gets hit by a falling branch] Huh? [sees her treedome withering and screams] My tree!
Hi, Sandy! I let myself in. Hope you don't mind. [sees Sandy completely frozen in shock] Why the long face? [she turns him around to show him her dying tree; screams] Your tree! What happened?
I have no idea! This old oak should be in full bloom right now! Not weepin' like a willow! [Her dying tree sheds a tear.]
Well, don't you have some kind of atomic acorn ray or something?
That ain't a thing. [pulls out a huge laser] Here. Help me with my nuclear powered barkomatic zapotron. [she and SpongeBob zap the tree in order to revive it]
SSSpongeBob and Sandy
It's working! It's working!
[The barkomatic zapotron only ended up destroying the tree. SpongeBob and Sandy yell]
That just made it worse! Oh, what am I gonna do?
I know someone who's great at gardening.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.