Bubble Bass quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

Squidward

Let me guess, Tiny, a small salad?

Bubble Bass

I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let it swim.

Squidward

We serve food here, sir.

SpongeBob

Wait a MINUTE! [grabs Bubble Bass' tongue and pulls it out, revealing four pickles underneath] Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!

And there's the pickles from last time, too!

And there's my car keys!

Bubble Bass

And... there's my ride. [runs out of the Krusty Krab]

Narrator

Snark Chat with Bubble Bass.

Bubble Bass

And we're back. My first guest had dinner with me just last night. He's a close personal friend of mine. Please welcome the Krabby Patty. [audience clap] Great to have you back on the program.

Great to be here, BB.

Bubble Bass

Well, I'm sorry to say it, but last night, you were not quite as delicious as one would hope.

Oh, don't worry, I'm sure Mr. Krabs will give you a refund.

Mama Bass

[voiceover] Bubble Bass, who are you talking to down there?

Bubble Bass

Mother! Please stop trying to undermine my fantasy talk show! [Krabby Patty thuds as a cardboard] Mmph.

Mama Bass

[voiceover] You march yourself upstairs this instant! Take out the garbage, dry the dishes, and walk the worm!

Bubble Bass

Ooh, I don't feel like it! Huh? [Mama Bass throws garbage, two dishes, and the worm at him, who swallows the second dish] That tears it, Mother! [grunts] I am moving out! [slams the front door]

Mama Bass

[voiceover] Moving? Hah! You can't even do your own laundry! [grunts and throws an underwear at Bubble Bass]

Bubble Bass

I hope you didn't damage my goods.

SpongeBob

Oh, your goods are all good, Bubble Bass. And we sure build up an appetite for that free lunch. [Patrick gulps out a bib and fork and knife]

Bubble Bass

Oh, yes, about that. I'm afraid I was waiting for you so long that I ate them! [eats the paper bags] Mmm. [belches]

Patrick

[inhales and swallows the fork, knife, and bib; he grumbles] If my friend SpongeBob doesn't get his free lunch, things are gonna get crazy! [pants while Bubble Bass melts]

SpongeBob

That was the meanest thing I ever saw, Bubble Bass. You, sir, have crossed the line of aquatic decency. You might think you took a couple of bottom feeders like us for a ride today, but I got a newsflash for you, slappy. These bottom-feeders wouldn't eat your free lunch if you paid us!

Patrick

I would.

SpongeBob

Come, Patrick. I'll make you a free Krabby Patty for $2.50 plus tax.

Bubble Bass

[watches the pair leave and laughs] Well, you pulled it off, Bubble Bass. And you didn't even have to flick a fin. [hums and opens a box]

Mama Bass

[emerges from a box and growls] Bubble Bass, why do you think it's funny to pack your mother in a box and drag her all over town?!

Bubble Bass

[shocked] MOTHER?! [grunts as she picks him up and stuffs him in two boxes]

Mama Bass

[pulls a dolly out her hair] We'll just see how you like it! [pants as she pushes him]

Bubble Bass

I didn't do it! [Mama Bass bumps into a mailbox] OW! [bumps him into a building] Mother, please— [grunts] It was SpongeBob and Patrick! [grunts] I'll dry the dishes, Mommy. [grunts] I love you, Mommy. [episode irises out on him inside the box]

Bubble Bass

[walks up the stairs and hears knocking, then opening the door to reveal Patrick at the entrance] Huh?!

Patrick

Hey buddy! Ready for our playdate?! [squeezes Bubble Bass into a tight hug]

Bubble Bass

[slaps Patrick and picks him up to scold him] I will not associate with such a dimwitted doofus.

Patrick

[flattered] Aw, you're just saying that!

[amazed by the reflection] Whoa, those dudes are huge! I wonder what they lift. [hits Bubble Bass slightly with his elbow]

Bubble Bass

[notices the reflection and drops his drink in fear] Those aren't dudes. They're giant monsters! [screaming] EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!! [the three start panicking and run around in circles, Louie is biting SpongeBob, and their ruckus causes the lighthouse to start rocking. At the same time, Mrs. Puff is still listening and rocking to the rock music, unaware of what's going on outside. The lighthouse tips over and rolls out of the boating school. Larry, Bubble Bass, and the small fish are still panicking until they see that the reflection is gone]

[happy] Those buff monsters have vanished! [hugs the other two] We're saved! [he and the other two hear some noise, and realize the lighthouse is coming their way]

Bubble Bass

We're doomed! [gets out his drink and starts walking across the sidewalk away from the lighthouse, while the other two runoff in a different direction. The lighthouse runs over him, causing him to get submerged into the sidewalk with his posterior sticking out] My cheeks!

Perch Perkins

Can you please tell our viewers the cause of this destruction?

Fred

[frightened] It was a lighthouse. It rolled through town, destroying everything in its path! [pants] A lighthouse! [goes on his knees and starts crying]

[shocked] My goodness. Were you or YOUR LEGS injured by this insane lighthouse?

Fred

[sad and kicks a rock] No.

SpongeBob

Wow. A life-size version of the Three Deadly Challenges. Beautiful.

Squidward

Looks like a hobo campground.

SpongeBob

No, Squidward. You have to look with your imagination. [waves his hand across the screen, revealing a more fantasy-like landscape]

Squidward

What the? No! [ruins the fantasy landscape with his tentacles] It's a dump!

Bubble Bass

Thou art two oozing cysts on the hind side of a plague dog's nose.

Squidward

What did he say?

SpongeBob

The colorful insults are the best part of the game.

Squidward

That figures. Hmm. [walks to where Bubble Bass is along with SpongeBob] So how do you win this goofball game, anyway?

SpongeBob

Since Bubble Bass challenged us, all we have to do is get close enough to tag him out. We get three chances, or should I say three challenges.

Squidward

Oh. [grunts]

SpongeBob

Oh, boy! [he and Squidward grab a sword] Look, Squidward! [slashes with a cardboard sword a few times]

Squidward

Oh, this feels stupid. [sighs]

Patrick

I wish I was a pet so I could eat off the floor.

Bubble Bass

You are eating off the floor.

Patrick

Yeah, but... I wanna eat Krabby Patties on the floor!

The pink dude might have the right idea, guys.

SpongeBob

[The F.U.N. song starts playing on his headphones and splashes the windows with soap. He grabs the hose and it spins him around] Whoa, whoa! [Spraying the water to the soap in the letters] F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me! [Sprays water inside him and he inflates to the third window and sprays out water to make an N] N is for anywhere and anytime at all! [point the hose up]

Eh? [the hose water splashes him and turns into a hand and slaps him.]

SpongeBob

Down here in the deep blue sea!

[falls and tries to swim back up from the hose water but he falls into the sewer] Aah![Plankton comes out of a faucet and lands on Bubble Bass' toothbrush] Ooh!

Bubble Bass! Are you brushing your teeth?

Bubble Bass

Yes, mother! Ugh.

[Smells Bubble Bass' breath and gags. Bubble Bass starts to brush his teeth] Oh, no.

Bubble Bass

[While brushing his teeth, Plankton is grunting inside. He brushes his tongue, and his teeth and spits out. His teeth are then shiny.]

[falls down the drain until he ends up in a sewer] Yuck! This place is filthier than the bathroom in my own paternity house. Time to get outta here! [The sewer starts shaking] Aaah! Terrified, mind blank, possible wetting pants! Wait, I don't wear pants. Oh, lucky me! [an alligator appears behind him and Plankton whimpers until a group of chum scare it away] That's right, you better run! [looks behind him] Huh? [The C.H.U.M.S appear] Terror double ! Please, I'll do whatever you say! Just down hurt me! [Starts crying]

[bows down] We would never hurt the master! [The other C.H.U.M.S. bow down along with the leader]

Wait, what now?

We are praising you, the master creator! [They and the other C.H.U.M.S bow down]

Bubble Bass

[walks to SpongeBob's house with ectoplasm all over him. He wipes it off and bangs on the door] ScumBob! Puketrick! You blithering fools better hand over Pigulon, or I'll chug, and I'll glug, and I'll belch your house down! [growls]

Patrick

[as Pigulon, through SpongeBob's house] Nobody's home!

Bubble Bass

Hmm? [growls while he steams mad. He takes out a bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola] Time for some Fizz Bomb burp fuel. [drinks it and his stomach boils; he burps down SpongeBob's house. Gary falls on SpongeBob, and they run to Patrick's rock] I said hand over Pigulon, or I'll chug, and I'll glug, and I'll belch your house down again!

Patrick

[his lips are through the rock] Good luck. I built this rock entirely out of rock. [blows raspberry at Bubble Bass]

Bubble Bass

[growls, then he pulls out another bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola and a bottle of hot sauce] Let's turn up the heat. [drinks both of it and his stomach boils; he burps down Patrick's rock]

Patrick

They just don't make rocks the way they used to.

Squidward

Fellow sponge sufferers, the 431st "We Hate SpongeBob" club will now come to order. [bangs the gavel] And now, our motto.

[raising one hand] We don't mean SpongeBob any harm. We just can't stand him.

Squidward

Does anyone have any new sponge pain they would like to share? [The members stick their hands out, all talking over each other]

Mrs. Puff

How much time do you have?

I do!

Bubble Bass

Oh, yes. I do.

I have to unwrap my package of pain!

Squidward

Huh? [the members retract their hands as Squidward motions for them to stop] Hold that agony. [looks to his right to see SpongeBob at the window]

SpongeBob

Hello, Squidward!

Squidward

[grunts, pulls the window blinds down, then faces the group] Proceed.

SpongeBob

[sees Bubble Bass playing in the ocean, who laughs] Huh? [points ahead] Butt-berg, dead ahead!

[gasps] Huh? [grabs onto steering wheel] Everyone, hold fast!

SpongeBob

[climbing onto mast] Whoa! [screams and rings bell, Squidward raises his sunglasses and looks at SpongeBob. The ship's horn blows as Bubble Bass notices it approaching him.]

Bubble Bass

Great Neptune's nose hair! [Mr. Krabs screams, bumps into steering wheel, SpongeBob screams while ringing bell, causing the ship to tilt forwards and make Squidward bump into the register, Bubble Bass' butt scrapes the side of the ship, peeling off its exterior. Bubble Bass then stops and looks at the damage.] Hmm... [The ship begins to sink, and Squidward plays "Taps" on his clarinet.] [waving dollar] One double Krabby Patty, please. [Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into dollar bills as he fully sinks. SpongeBob gives Bubble Bass his patty, who eats it and paddles away. Squidward finally fully sinks into the ocean. The scene fades to an open shot of the lagoon at sunset, as a woman shuts the door to a tiki booth and walks off. The scene fades to near the Goo Lagoon sign, where the screen darkens as the sun sets. Bubbles form on the surface of the lagoon, and the ship emerges, which is being held by the wise kraken.]

[roars, goes back to normal] Give me all the Krabby Patties you got, kid. Oh, I'm so hungry, I could eat at the Chum Bucket and like it. Boy, I'll tell you-- [camera irises out on ship, SpongeBob gags, Squidward sighs] Oh, boy.

Perch

[as Squidward's spot is empty] The Krusty Krab float is coming in hot!

Fred

[chuckles and waves] My leg! [the Krusty Krab float hits him and knocks him away] My Leg Mobile! [Bubble Bass is waving. Fred's float kicks him into the air.]

Perch

And here we see the domino effect in action. [Bubble Bass lands in the arms of a weightlifter on Larry's float.]

Huh? Oh.

Bubble Bass

My champion!

[grunts] Larry can't lift this kind of weight. [groans and drops the float, making it collapse]

Sandy

Well...oh! Maybe SpongeBob could give you the ol' [makes eating motions with hands] bite and chew.

[opens SpongeBob's mouth]

SpongeBob

Ahh.

[looking inside SpongeBob's mouth] Great teeth, [SpongeBob's tongue turns into a flexing bicep] healthy tongue... [minty breath comes out of the mouth and kisses it] Minty-fresh breath. Spread my ketchup, the perfect mouth! It would be an honor, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob

[eyes tearing up] Oh, no, Krabby Patty. The honor is mine.

Bon appétit, friend. [SpongeBob picks it up and starts putting it to his mouth]

Bubble Bass

Halt! [kicks SpongeBob out the way with his butt, picks up Krabby Patty] I deserve this patty. I'm clearly the hungriest. [holds out belly, then gets hit with pie, The clown picks up Krabby Patty and honks his horn. The other candidates start fighting over the patty, creating a fighting cloud.]

[backing away, but get dragged into the cloud] Whoa! [The fighting cloud jumps all over the place, while Squidward is ignoring the fight. Krabby Patty crawls out of the cloud.]

[last words] All this for little old me. Ha-ha. Why, if you'd told me when I was a lifeless pile of ingredients that someday I'd... [Gary eats it, everyone stops fighting]

Huh?

Gary

[swallows patty]

Sandy

Welp, I guess it got what it wanted.

SpongeBob

So, Gary, [nudges Gary with elbow] how was it?

Gary

[burps, slithers away]

SpongeBob

Wow.

Bubble Bass

Halt! [points to Sandy, everyone else angry] I blame the squirrel for this fracas. She made us turn on each other with her wicked, wicked science. [everyone starts shouting at Sandy]

Sandy

Well, science giveth, and science taketh away. [uses her Anthropomorphizer to turn a barrel sentient and rides away on it] Take me away, science. Yee-haw! [The customers all continue shouting at Sandy as they start chasing her. The camera irises out as the episode ends.]

Ice Cream King

[speaking through megaphone] Cease your hostil-lily-- hostile-- quit fightin'! Ice cream isn't meant for brawling! It's supposed to bring sugar fueled fun, belly aches, and brain freezes to the world!

He's right.

We shouldn't be fighting.

There's plenty of saps-- er, customers in town for both of us. [Mr. Krabs and the Goobfather eat their weapons and hug.]

Ice Cream King

And if you don't quit fighting, I'll use my ultimate weapon, the ice cream bomb!

Ice cream bomb!?

[gasps] Wait!

We've already stopped fighting!

Ice Cream King

What? I-I can't hear you! Uh, hold on, I'll be right down. Bombs away! [hits button and rides down on a giant popsicle, waving his crown] Whoo-hoo! Yee-haw! Yee-ha-haw!

Hey, everyone, free ice cream! [Kids dive into the ice cream and eat it. SpongeBob and Patrick eat it.]

Patrick

Is this a dream?

Bubble Bass

[with a wheelbarrow full of ice cream] Free ice cream forever! [giggles]

Ice Cream King

[pops out of ice cream and laughs] You're welcome!

[turns up the thermostat and laughs] This'll sizzle their sorbet.

SpongeBob

Try and keep up, y'all! Oh, my scoops are on fire!

His funky scoops are so smokin' hot, I'm sweating! [as his ice cream melts]