SpongeBob SquarePants quotes

A giant meteor is headed straight for Earth, [meteor shows on screen] and as usual, Sandy, you're the only one that can save us.

Sandy

Hmmm... [Brain Sandy writes on a chalkboard full of diagrams and equations.]

Aha! [pounds fist]

Sandy

[salutes] You can count on me, sir. [presses a button and her rocket rises from her treedome, she launches herself through a window] Hyah! Mm... [she sits down and pulls a lever to launch the rocket] Yahoo! [The rocket launches through the air, hitting a seagull out of the way. It flies next to Earth. A giant hand comes out of the rocket.] Pardon me, Earth, [moves earth] you'll need to scooch over a bit.[The meteor flies past the Earth.] [wipes forehead] Phew! [The meteor changes its course and flies back for Earth. An alarm blares.] Wuh-oh! [looks at monitor] That sidewinding stone is a-coming back. [pulls a lever and grunts, The rocket pulls out a spray bottle and extinguishes the meteor.] Bad meteor, bad! [Meteor cries, flies away, Sandy's ship flies back to Earth, which grows a face.]

Thanks, Sandy!

Me finally happy! [grunts, throws Larry's car, which explodes, Townsfolk starts running and screaming, Pecan Sandy roars and throws a trash can at a fish. A building collapses. The townsfolk run up to Sandy's dome and pound on the glass.]

Sandy, help us![Narlene and Sandy ignore them, continuing to listen to music. Fade to black.]

SpongeBob

Excuse me, Mr. Sofa. [He lifts the sofa and vacuums underneath the sofa] Huh, look at that, Gary, it's the present for Santa last Christmas. Isn't that nice? [SpongeBob is shocked that the present was accidentally left behind the sofa for seven months] The present I left for Santa last Christmas!? He never got it. Oh, this is the worst disaster that has ever happened.

Gary

Meow.

SpongeBob

My present for Santa's 212 days late! [SpongeBob begins to cry] Late. It's a tragedy. [SpongeBob uses the ribbon of the gift to blow his nose while Gary reacts to the blue snot.] My joyful carefree world is both dark and dreary and I can't go on! Nope, I'll go on... But I can't go on!

Patrick

Woohoohoo!

SpongeBob

Huh?

Patrick

[Whistles] Woohoo! Five stars!

SpongeBob

[Sniffing rose] Patrick, I wasn't acting, Santa never got his Christmas present.

Patrick

Well, so why not just deliver it to him?

Sandy

Congratulations, Plankton. But remember, this technique is to be used [points] strictly for self-defense.

Oh, of course, Sensei Sandy. [leans in] Uh, wink? [takes off gi] Buh-bye! [laughs]

SpongeBob

Uh, Sandy? [zoom out to show Sandy standing on him] Could you give me a ride to the hospital?

Sandy

Whoops! [steps off him] Oh, sure, SpongeBob. Heh-heh.

Bad news for you, Plankton. [gets closer to Plankton's face] I don't have any feet!

[stunned] You what? [A close-up on Mr. Krabs' feet is shown, but they are very messy. The right foot has plasters and grease, while the left foot has barnacles and grease. A foghorn plays in the background.] Just my luck, I guess.

[sighs] Six to eight weeks before I can attack the Krusty Krab again. Oh, well. At least I'm not in traction anymore. [a wheelchair wheel rolls over him] Augh!

SpongeBob

Oh, boy! Only six to eight weeks before I can work at the Krusty Krab again! [Sandy pushes him forward]

Ouch! Ka-ra-tay is a pain in the-- [gets squished against the road] ouch!

Hey there, ma'am. [raises sunglasses] Is this beach taken? [winks]

Mrs. Puff

Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. [sees Mr. Krabs has left] Eugene?

Take a look. [shows off muscles] These are called gains, people. [flexes butt] Yeah. [strains]

[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]

I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, [a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye] a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish!

Rube

Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? [The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle] A-meep-ing!

Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system [pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus] Haha, meep!

[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza] Pizza delivery!

Huh? [they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]

Pizza?! [runs away back to the bus and it drives away]

[smells the pizza] Mmmmm!

SpongeBob

Mmmm, that smells good! [turns back into himself] Boing!

[walks to SpongeBob] Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing!

SpongeBob

Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality!

It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy!

Rube

Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! [he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]

SpongeBob

And we shouldn't let it go to waste! [Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!

Patrick

Oh-ho-ho-ho! [runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him] What? No anchovies?

All that meeping made me hungry too! Mr. Squidward, we need some paper plates out here!

SpongeBob

Squidward? Uh, are you here?

Now just where is that lazy bum while all this is going on?

Squidward

Thanks for the ride!

Bubble Bass

[holding up egg salad sandwich] And the egg salad sandwiches. [shoves the sandwich into his mouth]

You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac!

Bubble Bass

To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. [reaches down into his seat]

Squidward

Whoa! You just ate!

Bubble Bass

I can almost reach. [plane bends]

Squidward

Whoa!

Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! [The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.] Thank you. Much better.

Squidward

[opens door] Hey! [walks over to yell] Get off my sand! [falls into box] Whoa! [thumping and yelling] What's happening? Where am I?

Lady Upturn

[injures herself] I need an ambulance! [SpongeBob laughs uncontrollably] How dare you laugh at my misfortune! Mr. Krabs, fire this cretin at once!

You heard her! Come back when you're not a gigglin' idiot!

SpongeBob

[laughs] Don't come back?! B-B-But Mr. Krabs, I'm not laughing on p-p-purpose! [laughs]

Lady Upturn

[gasps] He's laughing at you, Fifi! [faints]

[whimpers, growls, and attacks SpongeBob for laughing at her]

SpongeBob

[laughing] I'm sorry, Fifi! I'm a monster! [runs away laughing, causing everyone to become annoyed by his obnoxious laughter] I gotta hide. That way my laughter won't hurt anyone else.

SpongeBob

Holy herring, I'm squatting on a corpse!

[suddenly comes to life] Would you get off my chest? [takes his nose and puts it back on]

SpongeBob

[laughs] Huh? You're alive? [laughing]

Of course I'm alive! This is a living funeral, and you're ruining it!

SpongeBob

S-S-S-Sorry. I'm not laughing at you, Sparklenose. [stands up] Oh, I'll just get off of your chest. [prepares to leave but falls over] Whoa! [breaks stand that holds the wreath, causing it to fall on Sparklenose]

[sniffs] I'm allergic to wreath pollen! Ahh...ahh...ahh...

Cheese it! He's gonna blow!

ACHOOOO!!!! [his disco ball explodes and everyone is covered in sparkles]

SpongeBob

[snickers] Sorry. [laughs]

You turned my clown funeral into a joke! [he and the other clowns honk their horns at SpongeBob as payback]

SpongeBob

[laughing] Forgive me, Sparklenose! [runs away while laughing]

[laughing]

SpongeBob

Grandma? You can't stop laughing either?

Of course not, dearie. My funny bone got stuck years ago when I was your age.

SpongeBob

Your funny bone?

That's right. It happens to everyone in our family. Be proud of that laugh, SpongeBob. To be a SquarePants is to laugh loud at life. Enjoy a good laugh with me.

SpongeBob

Aww, thanks, Grandma?

These tearjerker movies always crack me up. [she and her grandson share a heartfelt laugh together]

Patrick

[crying] I'm all out of popcorn! Now, it's a tragedy! [blows his nose in the empty popcorn bag]

Margaret

[humming] Order up for Old Man Jenkins. One Krabby Patty with crust removed and one side salad.

I ordered fries, not a salad!

Margaret

The fries are in the salad.

Okay, I'll try it. [takes it] But only 'cause I'm so hungry. [tastes it, spins around and is now wearing a kid outfit] Aha!

Ooh!

It reminds me of my mother's cooking when I was but a boy. I'm filled with childish glee! [giggles and skips away]