Pearl quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

Pearl

"That's totally coral."

Pearl

"Daddy!"

Squidward

Uh, good evening and welcome to the first annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show, sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, because no one else would give it a home. [a rimshot plays and Patrick bursts out laughing] Uh, thank you, heh. Our next act is living proof that nepotism is alive and well. [another rimshot plays and Patrick laughs again]

Patrick

It's happened! [laughing]

Squidward

Heh, thank you. Uh, put your fins together for... [Patrick cracks up laughing very hard. Bashes on the table with laughter, shaking dinnerware. He falls off his chair] Put your... [Patrick laughs] Put... [Patrick laughs] Pearl. [crowd applauds]

Hooray! [the curtain rises for Pearl, dressed in cheerleader uniform] My little girl is finally a star.

Pearl

Give me a K-R-U! [jumps up and down on the stage causing the crowd to fly up and down with her] Give me a S-T-Y! [jumps up and down again] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down]

[he, Patrick, and SpongeBob's parents get tossed up and down. Mr. Krabs appears happy] Now that's what I call talent! [Krusty Krab floor is destroyed]

Pearl

Thank you!

My leg! Ugh!

Pearl

Thank you, [chuckles] thank you!

[walks up outside the ladies restroom] Sponge, are you okay?

SpongeBob

[crying] Messed everything up.

Pearl

Don't worry SpongeBob, ya didn't mess everything up.

SpongeBob

Hot dog.

Pearl

Actually, it was pretty funny when that hot dog landed in Judy's hair.

SpongeBob

[crying] All I wanted was for you to have a good time.

Pearl

But I am having a good time! You know, we haven't finished our dance yet.

SpongeBob

[whimpers] Can I still wear the wig?

Pearl

Yes, you can still wear the wig.

SpongeBob

[runs out and grabs Pearl to the dance floor] Let's go!

Pearl

SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?

Squidward

For what, dare I ask?

Pearl

The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.

Squidward

Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob

I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?

Pearl

How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]

SpongeBob

[dressed as a king] The King Krab.

Pearl

[holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.

SpongeBob

[dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!

Pearl

[gasps] No!

SpongeBob

You're right, too scary.

The Kuddly Krab! [they both hug and laugh]

It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.

Fred

That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?

Squidward

THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs] Oops.

He kept us waiting for a bubble?

That's nothing! He called us fat! [begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]

Pearl

[crying as she shows her clean flipper] He washed my flipper!

[storming up] He owes me money!

Squidward

[following Mr. Krabs] He made me provide excellent service!

[appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes! He made me experience high tide! [floats up towards the surface while laughing]

He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!

He did?

No...But are we just gonna wait around until he does?

I say we tip somethin' over!

Hey!

Now what?

Get the lifeguard! [they go to the lifeguard]

Squidward

[stops them] Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! [holds up a needle] Who's with me?!

Pop the bubble! [hold up needles]

Pearl

[approaches Mr. Krabs] Tell me you've got something totally coral planned for my birthday party.

Now, now, don't snap your mizzenmast. Everything is all set. Why, I've already got the party favors, bubble wrap! [pops the bubble wrap] This year's gonna be a blast!

Pearl

Daddy! You've ruined all my birthday parties, but you better not ruin this one. Now promise me you won't be cheap!

[gulps] I promise.

Pearl

Good, because I made a list. [list rolls out of the Krusty Krab and down the road. Mr Krabs rolls it up] Now I want everything on this list at my party. [kisses her father and runs out] Bye! I'll be at the mall with my friends.

Pearl

Wait, don't leave! My dad got Boys Who Cry to play! You did get Boys Who Cry, right? [glaring crossed-arms at her dad]

Oh, even better, sweetie. (You're not only the Boys Who Cry fan.) Hit it!

Squidward

Hello, ladies. [sings "It's all about you"]' When my tear ducts get issue, I can't use just any tissue... I need 4-Ply, 4-Ply, 4-Ply, when I cry... Huh!

Hey, that is not Boys Who Cry!

Yeah!

Boo!

What a rip-off!

This stinks!

Pearl

Daddy, how could you?! I... gave... you... a list! [runs out crying]

Pearl, come back!

Pearl

You've ruined everything! You couldn't stop being cheap, even for me! [cries]

I'll make it up to you somehow, Pearl.

SpongeBob

[suddenly walks into frame] That's it! Back it up... Right there. Let 'er go!

Pearl

You bought me a boat?

I did? I mean... I (really) did!?

Wow.

Pearl

Oh, daddy! I don't know how it could get better than this.

SpongeBob

Just watch. Hit it, boys.

SpongeBob

[at the guillotine] Well, I guess this is it, Patrick.

Patrick

I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, SpongeBob! [crying]

SpongeBob

I'll miss you, too, buddy! [both sobbing as King Krabs crashes into the guillotine, breaking it]

Princess Pearl

Daddy, help!

Pearl! [cries] Can no one stop this madness?! [sun shines on SpongeBob and Patrick] You two, my apologies. [kisses their feet] Most noble and valiant warriors.

Patrick

I guess this is what you call the royal treatment.

I'm ruined! Busted! [phone then rings and Mr. Krabs answers it] Hello?

Pearl

[on phone] Daddy, the house is full of burglars.

[laughs] No, those aren't burglars, Pearl. Those are just friendly repo men. [Mr. Krabs hangs up and notices Squidward being held on to by his arms by two other repo men]

Squidward

Mr. Krabs, tell these guys to let go of me!

Uh, well, you know, until I come up with the money I owe, I'm afraid you'll be staying with these nice gents.

Squidward

You sold me?!?

No! Bartered is more like it. They keep you, I keep my kneecaps.

Come on, mac! [takes him away]

Squidward

You're pathetic! [Le Schnook then walks in]

Oh, Mr. Le Schnook... I lost everything! I'm bankrupt! You and your fancy eats are all I got left now.

Not quite. My time in the chef's exchange program has expired. So my "eats" and I are leaving. [hands Mr. Krabs a bill] This is for you.

Is it money?

It is the bill for my services.

One side, please.

Oh, I've been such a fool! I turned away SpongeBob, the best fry cook I ever had, and it cost me everything!

SpongeBob

[offscreen] Mr. Krabs?

Oh, I can still hear his sweet little voice.

SpongeBob

[offscreen, high pitched] Mr. Kra-a-abs?!

Okay, now I'm scared.

SpongeBob

[offscreen] MR. KRABS!!!

Darn his cursed mocking voice! I... [notices SpongeBob] SpongeBob?

SpongeBob

Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob, me boy. [hugs SpongeBob] You came back! [notices the customers on SpongeBob's leg] And you brought customers!

SpongeBob

Mr. Krabs, what is this thing?

Why, it's my old soap press!

SpongeBob

Soap press?

That's right! All the soap Pearl and I use comes from this machine. And the best part is, it runs on 100% pure leftover Krabby Patties!

SpongeBob

Leftover Krabby Patties?

[tosses a Krabby Patty into the machine] Their precious essences are harvested, and after a brief cooling process, tumble out this conveyor belt as fresh, wonderful bars of soap! [the new soap falls off the conveyor belt into a basket] Fresh and invigorating! Plus, it's absolutely free.

SpongeBob

[picks up one of the soap bars and sniffs it] Ohhhh, that explains why it smells so familiar! I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. If Pearl finds out that you...

Pearl

[lividly] I've been using soap made out of Krabby Patties?!

Krabby Patty essence.

Pearl

That's grease!

Well, if you want to split hairs, I suppose-

Pearl

[furiously] DADDY! [throws soap at her father]

[runs away in fear] Got to go, you kids have fun!

...And that's why today, we all wear shoes.

Okay, okay, We get it. We will stop being mean, I promise. Just let us go.

Whoa! [groaning]

Listen, Pearl. We didn't mean to hurt your feeling or anything. We just, like, think it's weird that you're, like, a grandma now or whatever. We don't really get it.

Pearl

Well, I don't care what you think anymore anyway. I'm being true to myself, and--and that's all that matters!

[picks up a cookie, secretly given to him by Plankton, opens it, and starts reading the fortune] "Unless you give a tiny copepod the Krabby Patty secret formula, you will die?!"

[opera voice] Hello! [normal voice] Did someone say copepod?

Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene. I'll come back later, ciao!

[nervously speaking] J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob

If the cookie says it's true, then it's true. Horribly, terribly, truthfully, true! [begins to cry]

"You will die." [the word "die" echoes in his head three times, leading to a vision of Mr. Krabs' funeral service]

Pearl

[sobbing] Oh, I'll miss you, daddy! [continues sobbing then she takes his wallet] But I really can't wait to spend your hard-earned money on shoes! [laughs and runs away]

[wakes up in his coffin] Me money!

SpongeBob

Mr. Krabs! No! [cries some tears and fills up Mr. Krabs' coffin, causing him to float out of the coffin and hits his head on the floor. The vision ends]

SpongeBob

Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs, it's time. [SpongeBob's arm breaks off while holding on to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs gets scared as SpongeBob appears on his other side] It's time to give up the secret formula to Plankton! [attaches his left arm back into his body] Because your life is worth more than some scrap of paper in a bottle.

You're right, me boy-o, [heads toward his safe] I've got to face me fortune. [takes the secret formula out of the safe]

Oops. [cover themselves in embarrassment and run off laughing]

Squidward

What is going on here? [gasps] MY CLOTHES! [screams and runs away]

Pearl

[screams and runs away as she is naked] NO!

Sandy

Aah!

SpongeBob

Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked?

Sandy

Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had.

French Narrator

And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun.

You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty!

Again? Come on, Pearly-girl, we're running low on doors here! [picks out a door from the closet and pastes it to the front door]

Pearl

Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm just so excited about going to the big party tonight! I—I—I just had to...

[cuts Pearl off] Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Sorry, sweetie. [puts on his hat] Daddy's going out to play cards with the boys tonight. [his teeth is full of cards, his spits them out, and puts them in his sleeve]

Pearl

But, but Daddy!

No buts! I can't be worrying about you all night, honey.