Hey, get off my lawn! Party? There ain't no party here! Go away!
“Party Pooper Pants” · Season 3, Episode 11
In this episode: Abrasive SpongeBob (4), Patchy (4), Mr. Krabs (2), Potty the Parrot (2), Patrick (1), Plankton (1), Lead Singer (1)
The Plan Your Own Party Kit warns that unsupervised parties can lead to disaster. That's why I've taken the liberty of devising a schedule: 8 o'clock to 8:05: Guests arrive. 8:05-8:15: Opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15-8:27: Craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. At 8:27, we begin the qualifying rounds for our cracker-eating slash tongue-twister contest. 9:07: running charades. 9:38: charity apple-bob. 9:57: Electric jitterbug dance marathon, ladies' choice. [winks] At 10:09, things start cooking as I dip into my world-famous knock-knock joke vault!
A jolly idea, Potty! A little live music'll get me shindig dug! Who'd you get? Barnacle Bill and the Seven Seas?
No.
Seaweed Sally and her Cackling Turtle?
No.
Oh, oh, I know! The First Mates!
No.
Saltwater Sam, featuring the Brine Brothers?
No.
Uh, Rusty Hinges and the Boys from the Brig?
They broke up years ago.
Ohh, Potty, that's the worst sea shanty I've ever heard. I certainly hope it doesn't get any louder. Ohhhhh! [woman cheers] [a blast of music sends Patchy flying backwards out of the house, blasting him through six houses before slamming face-first into a metal telephone pole with a grunt. Back at the party, the band continues to play as the guests continues cheering; Patchy enters his house while covered with debris] No, no, no! Stop the music! [woman cheers] [yelling as he goes to the band as everyone stops dancing] Sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-op...! [music stops]
Look, boys. I know you fellas sound good around the birdbath, but this here is basic cable! This is the big time. I'm afraid it's time for you to walk the plank.
You mean we're fired?
Nooooo...
[Snap to the Bird Brains standing on a plank outside a window upstairs with Patchy pointing a sword at them.]
Go on! Start jumping, or you're gonna be dealing with the business end of me sword.
[Patchy waves his sword at them, laughing, but the birds just fly away]
No! I forgot that you're birds! [wails and whacks himself with the sword]
Okay, Gary. Get ready. It's almost 8:00! Here they come!
[reading his name tag that says, "HELLO, MY NAME IS PATRICK" upside down] Kirtap si eman, Y, M, O, 77, eh. I don't get it.
No, you dumb bunny! It says "Hello, my name is Patrick"!
[shakes his hand] Nice to meet you, Patrick!
[laughs] Good one, Patrick! [both laugh]
[he and Mr. Krabs laugh] Yeah.
What's going on here?! The laughter isn't scheduled until 9:03! You want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick.
Was he talking to me or you?
[looking at discussion cards]
What does yours say, Plankton?
Um...Oh, yes. "Discuss the secret formula for the Krabby Patty." [the card actually reads, "Where are you from?"] Ahem...How interesting.
Nice try, Plankton.
I can take losing the topic cards and the phone in the punch bowl... but I was supposed to lead THE BUNNY HOP! This is a bunch of barnacles! [runs up to the door with a pickaxe] I'M BREAKING IN!!!!!!!
OOrange Officer
[catches SpongeBob about to do so] Well, well, well. What do we have here? A burglar bunny. Why do they do it, O'Malley?
OMOfficer O'Malley
I don't know. It's probably how he gets his kicks.
OOrange Officer
You criminals make me sick.
I'm no criminal! I live here! I'm...I'm just throwing a party, I got locked out! I swear!
[Pause]
OOrange Officer
Well, why didn't you say so? What a terrible misunderstanding!
OMOfficer O'Malley
You have a nice party now, sir!
Boy, for a second there, I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house! What an ironic twist that would have been.
OOrange Officer
HEY!
[yelps]
OOrange Officer
Wait a second. If you're throwing a party... why weren't we invited?!
[stammers] But, I... you, uh, I didn't know... The Plan Your Own P-party Kit did-didn't mention the police!
OMOfficer O'Malley
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. [handcuffs SpongeBob, but the cuffs are broken] Oh no, these cuffs are broken.
OOrange Officer
Huh, we can't bring him in in broken cuffs. I got an old pair in the car we can use.
[SpongeBob is being taken to the car in a pillory]
Is it too late to offer you some punch?
OMOfficer O'Malley
Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
I understand.
[blows his harmonica first, then sings as he plays his one-man-band] OH! Scurvy ain't for the likes of me, Yo Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho... OOOH! Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho.... OH... Scurvy ain't for the likes of me-
Uh… It’s time for your flute solo.
Thank you, Potty, I almost forgot... [suddenly realizes] Wait a minute. I don't play a flute. I play a fife. [realizes he's holding a lit stick of dynamite] AAAH! Potty, no! [explodes]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.