Tom quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

[after Tom insults SpongeBob by not taking the pizza and slamming the door in his face, Squidward angrily walks up to the house and knocks on the door] Another one?! Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!

Squidward

Well, this one's on the house! [slams the pizza box in Tom's face]

Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?

SpongeBob

Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go.

Thanks. [drinks his lemonade]

SpongeBob

[giggles with every sip, and Tom finishes his drink; laughing] April Fools!

What did you do to my drink?

SpongeBob

I-er, I-er...

You what?!?!

SpongeBob

You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]

Hey, I guess that is kinda funny.

Squidward

Ugh, that's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks. I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about.

He kept us waiting for a bubble?

That's nothing! He called us fat! [begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]

Pearl

[crying as she shows her clean flipper] He washed my flipper!

[storming up] He owes me money!

Squidward

[following Mr. Krabs] He made me provide excellent service!

[appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes! He made me experience high tide! [floats up towards the surface while laughing]

He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!

He did?

No...But are we just gonna wait around until he does?

I say we tip somethin' over!

Hey!

Now what?

Get the lifeguard! [they go to the lifeguard]

Squidward

[stops them] Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! [holds up a needle] Who's with me?!

Pop the bubble! [hold up needles]

French Narrator

Ah, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...

Squidward

[switches the "Open" sign to "Closed"] Now! 8 o'clock! [takes off his Krusty Krab uniform hat] So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is [pulls out his clarinet] Clarinet. [Tom shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Squidward to drop his clarinet] What?

Are you open?

Squidward

[points to the sign] Read the sign.

[ignores him] I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.

Squidward

No, you won't. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!

Well, fine, if you don't want my money!

Money?! [Mr. Krabs falls from the ceiling on top of Squidward] You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?

[pulls out cash; Incidental 49, Incidental 30, and Incidental 85 appear behind him] Sure.

Mr. Squidward, [tears up the "Closed" sign] welcome to the night shift. From now on, [he puts a spare Krusty Krab uniform hat on Squidward's head] the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day.

Squidward

[gets up] What?! [crowd of fish barge in cheering and tramples Squidward]

SpongeBob

[gasps] Wow! Now we never have to stop working!

Squidward

[gets up again] Mr. Krabs.

See ya in the mornin', boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. [leaves]

Squidward

Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob

Isn't this great Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun'll come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'll still be working. It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and we'll be covered with grease! [jumps on cash register counter] Are you ready to rock, Squidward?!

Squidward

No.

SpongeBob

Good! 'Cause we've got customers!

Squidward

[hands a customer a baseball bat] Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.

SpongeBob

Psst, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen... [laughs] at night.

Squidward

[takes hat off; leans head on counter] Don't hold back.

SpongeBob

[cuts to SpongeBob in kitchen] Hey Squidward. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself] Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill] Ow! I burned my hand! At night. [cuts to SpongeBob walking on the counter] Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-night-na-night! NIGHT!

Squidward

WILL YOU PLEASE?! [hands SpongeBob a bag of garbage] Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash.

Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?

Patrick

[holds two chocolate bars: one with a peanut logo, and one without] Yes, sir, with or without nuts.

[going mad] Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?! CHOCOLATE!!!! [SpongeBob and Patrick are concerned and slowly back away from the screaming fish. They then run off as Tom chases them while madly screaming] CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick

I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.

SpongeBob

Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.

Patrick

Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!

SpongeBob

Give me that thing!

Patrick

Hey, the invisible spray works!

And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!

SpongeBob

Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!

Patrick

I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny.

SpongeBob

Righty, where are you? [Patrick laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh?

Patrick

Yeah! [He sprays SpongeBob's upper left corner.] I see what you mean!

SpongeBob

No guts, no glory! [laughs]

Narrator

Several bad puns later...