Timmy quotes from South Park

Kyle

All right, let's go.

Go! Timm-ay! [shoots off on his wheelchair, pulling Kenny's tooth (which isn't loose) hard]

Kenny

[howls; he is pulled out of his parka] Aargh!

Cartman

[laughs] Look, guys! I can see Kenny's little pingling!

Very good, Kyle. Now, who can tell me what famous person wrote the Declaration of Independence? Let's see. Oh, I know. How about the new student, Timmy?

Timmiihh!

No, it wasn't you, Timmy.

Jimmy

Sometimes it's like, "Please Timmy, learn a new word," huh, huh. [imitates Timmy] "Timmy!"

[angry] Aah!

Jimmy

[continues impression] I'm living a lie, I'm living a lie, Timmy!

Timmy!

Jimmy

Not this year!

Stan

Why should we all care about getting Scott Tenorman back for you?

Cartman

Oh, right. Why should we care? Yes, why should we care? Indeed, eh. Let's just let Scott Tenorman walk away with my sixteen dollars and twelve cents. Well, let's let all the Scott Tenormans of the world take what's ours and laugh in our faces. Why stand up for yourselves when you can just walk out of here right now and say, "It's not your problem." But... years from now, when you're old and have children of your own, what would you give to come back and fight this one day? This one day, when you could have made a difference! Where you could have told Scott Tenorman, "You may take our pride, but you'll never take MY GODDAMNED SIXTEEN DOLLARS AND TWELVE CENTS!!!" Now who's with me?!!

Timmy!

Cartman

[groans] Christ. Alright, I guess it's just you and me, Timmy.

Eu uh, living a lie, Timmih. [rolls out of the room on his wheelchair]

Stan

Doesn't it give any other directions?

Butters

Nope. It looks like you're just supposed to r-roll it over your wiener. [reading the disclaimer] If used properly, latex condoms are effective against pregnancy, AIDS and other studses. [STD's]

Kyle

What are studses?

Butters

Huh...how the heck should I know? [opens condom] Why, it's just a little doughnut! [touches it] Oh, ohhhh...it's all gooey!

Cartman

Just put it on, Butters.

Butters

How come I got to go first?

Cartman

Butters, will you stop uh-...filibustering?

Butters

Oh all right then. [turns around and pulls his pants down] Oh, it's all sticky.

Kyle

It says you gotta check it for holes or tears.

Butters

I don't even understand how this thing-oh, wait. Oh, I see. [Cartman looks over]

Stan

Don't look at Butters's schlong, gay mo!

Cartman

I wasn't looking at his schlong! I was seeing how to put the condom on!

Kyle

Sure...

Butters

But it won't stay on. I need a rubber band or something.

Gah! I got rubber bands!

Butters

[fastening the condom with rubber bands] Ow! Oh... ow! Okay... ow! There... okay, I think it's on.

Stan

How do you feel?

Butters

...Pretty good.

Cartman

Do you feel protected?

Butters

Yeah, I don't think nothing's getting in my wiener through this thing. It's even got a little reservoir at the end so you can pee in it.

Stan

All right, here, everybody. Tweek, give everyone a rubber band. Somebody needs to help Timmy get his condom on.

TIMMEH!

Jimmy

Just what the hell do you think you're doing Eric?!

Eric

[nervously] Uh, heh-heh, d-derr...

Jimmy

You faked being handicapped to win?! I should k-kick your ass right here you lousy, no good, ch-ch-cheater!

[bitterly] Timmeh.

Jimmy

What?

...Timmeh!

Jimmy

...oh my god. You're right, Timmy. You're totally right.

Jimmy

Everyone, the truth is, I haven't been playing fair either. I've been using s-steroids. I was willing to do anything to be the best, and the steroids made me blind to the people I was hurting.

Jimmy

A good friend even tried to talk me out of it, and I wouldn't listen to him.

Jimmy

Taking steroids is just like pretending to be handicapped at the Special Olympics, because you're taking all the fairness out of the game. But now I know that even if you do win on steroids, you're really not a winner; you're just a p-pussy. [cut to McGuire] You're just a big, fat p-p-p-pussy, and if you take steroids, the only decent thing to do is come forward and say: [Cut to Bonds] "Remove me from from the record books, because I am a big stinky, p-pussy, [cut to Giambi] steroid-taking jackass". [cut back to Jimmy] That's how I feel about myself, and why I must decline this medal and my place in the history books. And if you let me, I'll be back next year, to compete with honor.