TV show quotes
Vinny, say hello to the new snack captain!
You actually won? Wow! Congrats, Stewie! I thought you being a mistake ruined your chances. How'd you pull it off?
It turns out 70% of the kids' parents aren't married and 30% are mistakes. Nobody gets married anymore. One kid doesn't even have parents. He just kind of appeared. Sleeps in one of the cubbies. I mean, that's the story I would've told this week, but whatever. Oh, and Doug died in a commuter plane crash this morning.
And I think margs are gonna be on you after this adventure, huh?
I don't drink that shit.
Okay, we'll figure something out.
[Meg is in the middle of an elaborate domino arrangement in the living room with Gene, but is set off early when Peter bumps into the table setting up]
Crap! Gene, they're coming! They're coming fast, Gene! Starting recording, Gene! GENE!!
[Peter introduces Chris to Donkey Kong]
This game SUCKS!!
What are you talkin' about?
Uh, what universe does this even take place in? EVERYTHING needs to take place in a universe!
It's a warehouse with ladders where a monkey took a girl.
What about the microtransactions that slowly bankrupt our family? Or the children slinging racist taunts into your earpiece?
It has two buttons and I have to look down when I press 'em.
Donkey Kong sucks! I could build the same game on our house.
[This gives Peter an idea]
Donkey Kong house?
[scene transitions to Peter setting up a real Donkey Kong stage in front of the house]
Sorry I put you in a dress, Stewie. We needed a damsel.
Hey, do I look upset?
May I join the losers club?
[sigh] I don't care what yearbook captions you saw. We are not yet an organized club.
The deed to the house is in the drawer, under the phone!
Keep my name out your fucking mouth!
Wow, dude. It was a zoo joke.
Chris: KEEP MY NAME OUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!
Homer, you've got company.
D’oh.
Yes, I won’t.
[to Bob Belcher] Oh, Thanks.
[to Peter] Well, I don’t know.
[off-screen] Listen up! Everyone in the van! We're taking Tatum to the zoo!
[angry] The zoo?
[enters] The zoo? Why are we returning Chris? Hey, Mike, you hear?
Peter, what are you doing up there?
Preston, I'm glad you're here. I'm about to test the prototype for "desk-poline".
[Peter jumps off a stack of cabinets and crashes on top of his desk. Peter grabs out a pad and pen and starts writing]
Desk will need to be bouncy.
We got the house, guys!
Your iPad flashlight is on. God, she's old.
I-I may have sent some weird DMs to Zendaya that I'd rather not see the light of day.
Euphoria Zendaya or Disney Zendaya?
Yeah, a little from column A, a little from column B.
[two hobos are sitting on a sidewalk. One of them is wearing Lois' GILF shirt]
You know what "GILF" means, right?
Yeah. "God, I Love Fentanyl".
You said it, pal.
We now return to Curb Your Enthusiasm, where Jeff Garlin just repeats everything Larry says.
So, I put on the shirt.
YOU PUT ON THE SHIRT!!!
I paid for it.
YOU PAID FOR IT!!!
Eh, I'm startin' to think you're, uh, the weakest link in the cast.
EASILY THE WEAKEST LINK!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
