A character in The Simpsons
Played by Julie Kavner
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in The Simpsons: in 677 of its 3,477 quotes
Most scenes with: Homer Simpson (400), Bart Simpson (206), Lisa Simpson (169)
Mom, I know Dad cares about you, but his feelings are really hurt. Why don't you just say you're sorry?
MargeLisa, marriage is a beautiful thing, but it's also a constant battle for moral superiority. So I can't apologize.
Couldn't you just say you're sorry and not mean it? I do it all the time: I don't think I ever meant it.
MargeBart, that's not right.
Sorry, Mom... See? It's that easy.
I'm sorry I'm late. The velvet mafia made me a margarita I couldn't refuse.
MargeGoodbye, Homer! I try to save our marriage and you just get drunk and spend the night with your homosexual boyfriends! [greeting each person on her way down the stairs] Reverend Lovejoy, Mrs. Lovejoy, Principal Skinner, Duffman.
Look at those city slickers with their stupid fur coats and pointy hats.
MargeHomer, those are elk.
I still hate them. Go back to Grosse Pointe!
Next on Comedy Central, an all new South Park!
I hear those kids' voices are done by grown ups.
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just wonder how they keep it so fresh after 43 episodes?
[In the South Park episode, the kids are at a rock concert]
I can't believe we paid to see a band with Steve Guttenberg, Calista Flockhart, and Farty The Crippled Robot!
[a robot with a guitar sitting in a wheelchair] Look who's in my fart: O. J.!
[Farty produces a fart cloud that disappears, leaving O. J. Simpson in its place]
[holds up a knife] I'm gonna kill you all!
[O. J. decapitates Farty, who inexplicably bleeds red blood, before doing the same to drummer Guttenberg and bassist Flockhart, the latter appearing like a stick figure]
[dancing a dosey-doe] Cartoon violence! Cartoon violence!
[O. J. appears on screen with Cartman's head on his knife]
Now I'm gonna find the real killers!
[Marge turns off the TV as Bart and Milhouse scream]
MargeKids, that cartoon's not life-affirming. We're going to watch a show about the everyday problems of angels.
[Marge turns the TV back on to PAX TV]
Now, back to Good Heavens.
[An old couple living in the clouds with their dog appears on screen]
Jesus called today.
He did?!
[Bart and Milhouse scream and run away]
[Death arrives at the Simpsons house]
I...AM...DEATH.
Death? We don't want any. [Closes the door, Death breaks through it with his scythe]
I HAVE COME FOR BART SIMPSON.
MargeBart, run like the "wine-d"!
Mom, it's "wind"!
MargeWell, I only read it in books.
MargeLisa, what are you doing? This is the kind of trouble making I expect from your brother!
You do? Cool, a blank check for mayhem!
(Bart picks up a brick and throws it at a window; however, it ricochets off the unbreakable glass and hits him in the head, knocking him out)
Hello. Welcome to the United Kingdom.
Prime Minister Tony Blair?
Why are you greeting lowlifes like us at the airport?
Because I want to encourage all the world to come see the beauty of 21st century Britain.
Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?
No, but thank you.
MargeTony, I mean, Mr. Prime Minister, what should we see first?
There's so much to see here. Parliament, Stratford-on-Avon, the White Cliffs of Dover, oh, and since you Americans love castles, there's a huge one in Edinburgh, the city where I was born.
The place where I was born is now a gator farm.
Smashing.
Maybe you could give us a personal tour of your country?
I'd love to. But I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at Gate 23. Cheerio.
[puts on a jetpack and flies off, James Bond-style]
Wow, I can't believe we met Mr. Bean!
We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.
You mean MacBeth? (car splashes water onto Ian)
Quiet you blundering fool! You'll curse us all!
What, by saying MacBeth? (anvil falls on Ian's foot)
Stop saying it!
Saying what?
MacBeth! Uh! Now I've said it (Ian gets struck by lightning)
Oh, this is cool. MacBeth, MacBeth, MacBeth. (lightning strikes three times)
MargeBart! Stop saying MacBeth! (lightning strikes)
Mom, you said MacBeth! (lightning strikes)
Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry! (lightning strikes)
That's quite alright, you didn't know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a performance to give.
Good luck!
It's bad luck to say that too! (MacBeth sign falls on Ian's head)
MargeThat was very sweet of the Queen, letting you go in exchange for taking Madonna back to America.
[inside a zip-up bag] I'm telling you! I'm English!
MargeEnglish women don't pump gas naked.
See ya in Atlanta, jerk.
Marge SimpsonMy name is Marge Simpson, and I am a mother.
BOO!
MargeI'm also an American.
YAY!
MargeI bake apple pies.
YAY!
MargeAnd I like baseball.
BOO!
I dream of an America with nudity and F-words on network TV. Where the whole world doesn't stop because a school bus did. Children are the future... today belongs to me!
[with their fists raised] YAY!
You can’t change the rules in the middle of the game! We never would've had these kids if we thought we had to pay for them. Promises were made!
Hey, tough tortellini! I am a-sick and a-tired of printing a-children's menu! Let Mickey Meatball find his own way out of the maze! [spits] Apooey!
We're sick and tired of buying overpriced tickets for your lousy school plays!
MargeThen how would we ever get to see Camelot?!
We'll merely watch the movie on tape!
MargeHmm..., is that better? Well, to me, Ralph Wiggum is Sir Lancelot.
[singing] If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer!
BOOOOOOOOOO!
Ladies and Gentlemen! Let's kill every child... FRIENDLY THING IN TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!
[As they were dismissed to take actions] YAY!
It's time to put away my childish things... [in a deep voice] ...and become a man!
Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you?
MargePretty much. We wrote our own vows.
[as aides are slicing his crown and other royal items in half] No fair! I invented divorce! How come you get half of everything?
You should have invented the pre-nup. Now, one half of your kingdom, please.
[Homer/Henry VIII holds up of map of the British Isles. He rips it in half and gives the left part to Marge/Margerine of Aragon]
[groans] I get Ireland?
Ha ha!
[Bart heads into the bathroom, Homer comes out giggling.]
Wait 'til he puts his unsuspecting butt on that toilet seat. [He giggles again, while looking at "Squat-n-Squirt" box cover. A toilet flushing is heard.] Huh? Where the "ee-yow"?
[exits the bathroom] All yours, Homer.
But you didn't sit on the toilet.
I didn't have to-- I'm a dude.
[snatches Bart back to the bathroom, forces him to sit on toilet] Butt on bowl, little man!
[struggling to sit on toilet] Hey, my pants aren't down!
It doesn't matter!
[Bart gets through his legs and forces him on toilet, which it sprays water.]
Ee-yow! [sputters]
[Bart laughs at it.]
[turns red in anger] Why you little--! [angrily strangles Bart] Joke's on me, isn't it?!
[Bart stucks the electric toothbrush up Homer's nose, makes him vibrate on inside. Then Homer grabs shower hose and sprays it in Bart's mouth. Then Bart grabs the toilet cleaning brush and brushes inside Homer's mouth, which makes him strangle him again. The shower hose flies with water still on hits things off.]
Marge[offscreen] What's all that racket?!
[gasps] It's old lady Simpson! Run! [he and Bart runs out of the bathroom]
[as she and Marge enters] What's going on?
Uh... I'll tell you what's going on. I'm taking you all out for pancakes!
[Marge, Bart and Lisa cheers]
Yeah!
Just because Maggie can't talk doesn't mean she's dumb. Einstein didn't speak until he was three.
MargeAnd even then he could only speak German!
Homer SimpsonDan Castellaneta · 1,595 quotes
Bart SimpsonNancy Cartwright · 792 quotes
Lisa SimpsonYeardley Smith · 585 quotes
MSMoe Szyslak164 quotes
Mr. BurnsHarry Shearer · 140 quotes
Ned FlandersHarry Shearer · 107 quotes
MVMilhouse Van Houten97 quotes
Krusty the ClownDan Castellaneta · 81 quotes
NMNelson Muntz79 quotes
WSWaylon Smithers73 quotes
Chief WiggumHank Azaria · 72 quotes
Principal SkinnerHarry Shearer · 66 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
