Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Lets try another one. A little harder.

[Lisa shows Maggie the word octogenarian. Maggie points at Grampa.]

No, that's wrong.

[Maggie points at Santa's Little Helper.]

[Sarcasticaly] That's right. This spells dog.

[Lisa gets caught in act]

Marge

[Angrily] Lisa ! You are purposefully teaching her the wrong words. Lisa, I'm surprised. Your sister just wants to learn and be like you. Well, maybe she needs a better role model.

[Homer makes phonic frog say, "I agree with your mother. You are a dissapointment to Huh, Oh, Muh, Eh, Er."]

S15 E13 Smart and Smarter

View quote →

[Lisa has ran away from home]

Marge

Lisa's gone, you have to find her!

CWChief Wiggum

Why can't you just accept that Lisa is old enough to look after herself. Back off and let her live her life.

Marge

What!

WWiggum

Oh, I thought you said eighty. Well, we'll get right on it.

S15 E13 Smart and Smarter

View quote →

Marge

My husband's going to jail and it's all your fault! Do you know why no one likes you?

Anti-semitism?

Marge

No. Your problem is you never think of anyone besides yourself!

Marge! I think about a lot more than just moi. [In his thought bubble, a can-can kickline of Artie Ziffs appears]

AZArtie Ziff can-can dancers

Artie, Artie, Artie, Artie! Artie, Artie, Artie! Artie, Artie...

[Then a whole audience of Artie Ziffs, clapping to the music appears as well]

AZArtie Ziff audience

Ziff, Ziff, Ziff, Ziff, Ziff!

Oh... My... God. She's right.

S15 E14 The Ziff Who Came to Dinner

View quote →

[As Artie is going to prison] I have to admit. I'll miss having him around.

[Chuckles] I don't think we've seen the last of Artie Ziff.

[Snake walks up to Artie]

SSnake

Yo, hobbit! I'm, like, your roommate. [Blows cigarette smoke in Artie's face]

Oh, smoker, eh? Well, I have ways of dealing with you. [Pulls out a spray bottle, dousing Snake's cigarette] Squirt, squirt, squirt! Your lungs will thank me!

Marge

Kids, you better take your last look at Uncle Artie.

[Artie notices more prisoners smoking]

Oh, look! There's a whole bunch of you! [He douses their cigarettes, too] Squirt, squirt, squirt! [The other inmates get up and start circling around him] That's it! Circle around me! Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt! Squirt, squirt, squirt! Oh, I'm gonna need more water!

S15 E14 The Ziff Who Came to Dinner

View quote →

Marge

[sobbing] My baby boy is in jail. I'm the worst mom in the world.

It's not all your fault. All of these years I've watched you turn our son into a time bomb and yet I did nothing. So...in a way, I too am a victim...of you.

[Marge continues sobbing]

You're a great mom. You're always there for Bart with love and support. His acting out was caused by negative reinforcement! [They both glare at Homer]

Oh, I get it. Blame the strangler! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph!

S15 E16 The Wandering Juvie

View quote →

WWarden

Well my shift's over. I guess it's back to my bachelor apartment. Make a tuna sandwich. Turn on Will & Grace. And cry myself to sleep.

Marge

Hmmmm. Would you like to join us?

WWarden

Didn't you hear me? I've got my evening planned! [He slams the door shut]

S15 E16 The Wandering Juvie

View quote →

This must be what it's like to be in space!

Marge

You've been to space.

And yet, I have never been to me...

S15 E18 Catch 'em If You Can

View quote →

HPHost of Promiscuous Idiot's Island

Now, ladies, when you agreed to do this show, you were told you would be living with a millionaire on his private island. Well, I'm afraid we've misled you. [the women gasp]

Marge

[watching show] Get ready, skanks! Here comes the Truth Train!

HHost

This isn't an island at all. It's a peninsula!

W1Woman 1

[walking away] This was supposed to be about trust!

W2Woman 2

[crying] I just want to get on that boat and go home!

HHost

Well, you don't need a boat, because you can walk.

Bart

[Watching the show] What do those women expect? When you sign a contract with FOX, you know you're going to be betrayed and humiliated!

Quiet, the commercials are on! [Everyone looks at him] If we don't watch these, it's like we're stealing TV!

S15 E19 Simple Simpson

View quote →

[Principal Skinner summons Homer and Marge into his office after Bart, accidentally, moons the U.S. flag]

Skinner

Your child's behavior appalls me, not just as a principal, but as a veteran of America's only losing war!

To date.

Marge

I swear, Bart didn't know what he was doing. He was deaf!

Skinner

Oh sure Marge, [shows Homer and Marge a file of photos] just like Blind Bart, Wheelchair Bart, Pregnant Bart, and my personal favorite, Railroad spike through head Bart.

Yeah, kids love trains.

S15 E21 Bart-Mangled Banner

View quote →

Ned has shot Homer, who wobbles back and forth and finally falls next to the core destruct button.

Ned

[sighs in relief]

Homer's tongue flops on to the button and presses it.

Ned

Oh, you stupid son of a--

Springfield explodes. Ned and Homer are sent to Heaven behind the gate.

Marge

Homer, I'm so mad at you. I bet you blew up the town just to get out cleaning the garage! Yeah, Well, the joke's on you, smart guy, the garage made it to Heaven too!

[the garage now has wings and a halo]

View quote →

Captain!

Science officer!

Bart

Security!

Marge

Marge!

Mr. Burns

Now I insist you take off your shoes when you get inside. And while you're in there, grab as much cancer as you can.

View quote →

Marge

Why is my swimsuit so revealing?

Marge, that's what turns a mediocre voyage into a fantastic voyage.

View quote →

Bart

[to Marge] Mom, did you have to fly out through all those boogers?

Marge

Cut me some slack, I'm a widow.

View quote →

[to Marge] Oh, what's the big deal? Bart didn't like his presents. So what? It's not like he gives us such great gifts. Remember that maple leaf ironed between the sheets of wax paper? What was that? That was crap.

Marge

It's not just the presents. The kids don't appreciate me anymore. They'd rather hang out with their friends than with their mom.