Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.

Lisa

It still beats Disney's California Adventure.

Lisa

[gasps] Dad's headed straight for the Museum of Swordfish!

Marge

That museum's been nothing but trouble since it opened.

Marge

Say, Homie, how about a good luck snuggle before my competition tomorrow?

Homer

[feeling trapped] Erm, listen my bulky flower, I have an early day tomorrow and...

Marge

[Gets on top] I wasn't asking. [Veins bulging. She rapes Homer]

Homer

Morning kids, I made your lunches.

Bart

Where's Mom?

Homer

Your Mom has a lot of stuff to shave. [walks off hobbling]

Marge

You know, most people pray silently.

Homer

Marge, he's way the hell up there!

Marge

I'm sorry Ned. It looks like God has packed up and left Springfield.

Ned

[hysterical] No, you're lying! You're lying! What makes you lie?

Lisa

Why did you wake me up!? I dreamt I was at the Kennedy Center honors.

Marge

Well, here's another low rated annual event. Spring cleaning!

Bart

How could you make me Baby Stink-Breath and not even tell me?

Homer

I was going to tell you on my deathbed.

Marge

Honey, you did have a great time doing those commercials, and you made a lot of money.

Bart

I did? Where is it?

Marge

Your father invested it in the college trust fund which, today, must be worth a fo...

Homer

[interrupts Marge] La la la la la la la la la!

Marge

[groans in embarrassment] Of course, the stock market's been down lately, but there must be some sort of...

Homer

[rudely continues interrupting Marge] La la la la la la la la nothing left la la la oh.

Bart

You spent all the money I earned?

Homer

I needed it. I had to buy back some incriminating photos. Look.

Homer

See, you're fine, and then... [shows the final photo, depicting Bart missing] whoops! Uh-oh! Look out! Oh! I know this looks bad, but if you reverse it, Daddy's a hero. See? [reverses the sequence] Watch... I saved you!

Marge

Bart, you're suing us?

Bart

Yes, I wanna be emancipated.

Homer

Emancipated? Don't you like being a dude?

Lisa

No, Dad, it means Bart would be a legal adult and free to move out of the house.

Marge

I wanted a sewing room, but not like this. Not like this!

Bart

Mom, you've always been cool to me, but Homer is a lousy dad and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Homer

Hey, my dad was lousy and I didn't sue him. I just dumped him in the cheapest home I could find.

Hey! My IV is empty, and my catheter is full!

See you tomorrow.

Judge Harm

No judge would send a pre-teen out on his own.

Homer

WOO-HOO! YOU'RE STILL MINE! AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS A BAD DAD BEFORE!

Judge Harm

[Eyes narrowed at Homer for rudely interrupting her verdict] Except in this case!

Judge Harm

That boy is about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack. Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated!

Judge Harm

Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid.

Homer

[thinking it's food] Mmmmm...garnish.

Judge Harm

That means half your paycheck goes to Bart.

Homer

What the...half goes to Bart, half goes to my Vegas wife? What's left for Moe?

Marge

Homer, don't make things worse!

Homer

[turns red in anger] I'LL SHOW YOU WORSE!

Homer

[being dragged out by the bailiff and embarrasses Marge] I WAS TOLD THIS WOULD BE TELEVISED!

Marge

Please don't go, Bart. I'll let you swear in the house: everything but the Big Three.

Bart

Sorry, Mom. I just can't, not as long as he's here. [Bart points to Homer, who hides]

Marge

I can't count how many times your father's done something crazy like this...

Lisa

It's 300, Mom.

Marge

I could've sworn it was 302.

Lisa

Shhh!

Marge

Look, can you please just tell us why you changed the flightpaths?

Uh, look, they were changed because a disturbed local wildlife and their mating rituals.

Vote Quimby, vote Quimby, vote Quimby, vote Quimby! Ohh... [inside] Without those noisy planes, I can finally hear my kitten purr.

[in a high-pitched, screechy voice] Thanks a million, Joe. You're the swellest!

[shocked] That's your voice?! Now I regret building you that opera house!

Marge

There has to be a solution which pleases everyone. From ducks and trees, to you's and me's.

[angry] Are you threatening a government official?

Marge

No!

Good! Because we're the government! We make the laws, we print the money and we breed the super soldiers. So go home, learn to live with it, pay your taxes, and remember, you didn't hear anything about super soldiers.

Marge

The shaking's so bad, all my omelettes have become frittatas.

That's the saddest story I've heard in my 75 years of public office. It makes my blood boil, and my left arm feel numb. Also I taste copper. [groans and collapses from a heart attack]

Marge

Quick! Someone perform CPR!

Homer

[singing] I see bad moon rising...

Marge

That's CCR.

Homer

Uh, [singing] looks like we're in for nasty weather...

Maggie

[starts drinking Homer's beer]

Marge

Maggie, give me that! [takes the beer away from her]