Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Hey Brother Faith, how did you get the bucket off my dad's head?

Well I didn't son, you did. God has given you the power.

Bart

Really? Hmmm.. I would think he would want to limit my power.

Marge

Wow! He should have his foot insured by Lloyd's of London.

Homer

[Slurred speech] You just know what everyone should do, don't you, Marge?

Lisa

Mom! Bart's making faces at me! [looks through opera glasses] ...I think.

Homer

LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!

Marge

This all seems a little elaborate for sloppy joes. [picks up an extra long fork] Hmm I know what the other 11 forks are for, but what do you do with with this one?

Homer

[in a posh accent] Why Marge, I believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it.

Marge

Homer watch your lang- [scratches herself] Ooh! That's a life saver!

Lisa

But housesitting is a sacred... [wine glass stain flies all over her] Hey! [wipes them off her face]

Marge

Stop swirling, Homer!

Marge

All I'm saying is, don't get too comfortable. Mr. Burns will be back tomorrow.

Homer

Marge, you're right. We do have to have a party!

Marge

Party?! No! No parties!

Homer

What about "par-tays"?

Marge

No "part-tays", no shindigs, no keggers, no hootenannies, no mixers, no raves, no box socials!

Homer

Damn! [looks at a box social invitation, featuring an image of him on an old-fashioned bicycle] And I looked so good on that bike...

Lisa

Ah, it's good to be home.

Homer

I don't know. After living like a billionaire, this place is kind of a dump.

Bart

It's not so bad. Here, we can spit on the floor. [spits it out]

Marge

Bart, stop that. Now, we may not have antique furniture, or priceless artwork, but we have everything we need, right here.

Homer

That's right. Just because we're not rich doesn't mean that we don't have... [crying] Oh, I can't even finish! I wanna be rich! [drops to the floor, as the scene fades to black. The names of the executive producers appear] Like these guys! [The credits for the actors start to roll] And look at all these rich people here! Not as rich they should be, of course, but still rich! [sobbing] Big money! Look at all the names, that all have money, and have lots of money! [Richard K. Chung's name is on screen] Oh, he's poor. [sobbing again] But look at all the other people who aren't...! Oh, look at all the people who could buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS! I'm taking 'em all down! [Continues crying as the credits keep rolling] Oh, look at all the rich people! Oh! Oh, look at that rich...! [The Gracie Films logo goes "Shh!"] Don't shush me, you rich bastard!

Marge

Hmmm. Should the Simpsons get a horse?

Comic Book Guy

Excuse me, I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart, with hilarious consequences.

Homer

Anybody care what this guy thinks?

No!

Marge Simpson

So, how was everyone's day?

Lisa Simpson

Appointed a Supreme Court justice.

Bart Simpson

Bewitched marathon.

Homer Simpson

Searched for Lincoln's gold.

Lisa Simpson

Dad, that's just a myth. Lincoln didn't bury any gold in the White House.

Homer Simpson

Then what is his ghost protecting?

Marge

[As she walks into the kitchen] I don't remember the air in the kitchen being so wavey. [She sniffs the air.] Good lord, that's gas! [Marge finds a taped hosepipe leading into the garden]

Homer

Behold! I am king Tocki Ticki! [The Hawaiian statue breathed fire as Bart and Lisa scream] Hey Flanders! Can your god do that?

Ned

Actually Homer, you and I worship the same god, so-

Homer

Irregardless! I am your god now! [Flanders walks away as Homer burns his hedge] Ha, ha, ha!

Marge

Homie, you can't just reroute the gas line. Do you know how dangerous that is?

Homer

[shaking the statue] Do not anger Tocki Ticki! [dropping the statue which catches on fire] I am all power- Aargh! [Worried] I'll be at Moe's! [climbs over the fence]

Lisa

Mom! Bart's sitting next to me!

Bart

Mom! Lisa's growing!

Marge

Quiet, you two! You know your father just had a breakdown.

Homer

[Holding a pennant that says "Mental"] My pockets hurt!

Marge

[to Homer for his actions] This family has hit a new low. We're on the run from the law, totally lost... no car, no money, no clean clothes... and it's all your fault!

Homer

I love being married.

Lisa

Oh, Mom, I want to be a dancer!

Marge

That's wonderful, dear. We should ask your father, though. [looks around] Where is he, anyway?

Kearney

[doing a strained, poor impersonation of Marge] Now, Homie, when we get to the liquor store, buy me some Jack Daniel's and a carton of smokes.

Homer

Yes, dear.

Marge

[despite that Lisa is not in stage anymore] Where is Lisa?

Homer

[anxiously] This plot is hard enough to follow as it is.

Marge

[After scenes are shown from the first pilot] Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I showed great chemistry on set.

Homer

Every day, I thought about firing Marge. You know, to shake things up.

[in high child's voice] Snorky speak man... [coughs, deep voice] I'm sorry, Let me start over. Eons ago, dolphins lived on the land.

What did he say!

Carl

He said years ago dolphins used to lived on the land.

[surprised] What?

Then your ancestors drove us into the sea, where we suffered for millions of years.

Marge

But you seemed so happy in the ocean. All that playful leaping...

We were trying to get out! It's cold, it's wet, every morning I wake up phlegmy.

Lisa

Plus all that sewage we keep dumping.

[gasps] That was you?

Homer

It was her alright. [holds up Lisa] Take the one who wronged you!

I, King Snorky, hereby banish all humans to the sea!

Pushy Dolphins. I don't like that. [etc.]

I... I tuned out. Where are we going?

Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please make sure you have the correct area code.

Homer

Area code? But it's a local call!

Marge

The phone company ran out of numbers, so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 6-3-6 area code, and our half gets 9-3-9.

Homer

9-3-9!? What the hell is that!!?? Oh, my life is ruined!

Marge

Geez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.

Homer

Oh, if only it were that easy Marge.