Now we nearly put this switch to "Overload". And once we do we'll be breaking the law. Can good truly come from civil disobedience? Gandhi thought so and—[cut off by Bart]
BartGandhi also said, "Less talk, more rock." [Pulls the switch beyond "Overload"]
[Lights explode. The police come out armed]
Uh-oh. All of the lights are out. We need to get the entire force working on this.
But Chief, we are the entire force.
Okay, we got to start recruiting, Lou.
Mom, I know Dad cares about you, but his feelings are really hurt. Why don't you just say you're sorry?
Lisa, marriage is a beautiful thing, but it's also a constant battle for moral superiority. So I can't apologize.
Bart
Couldn't you just say you're sorry and not mean it? I do it all the time: I don't think I ever meant it.
Bart
Sorry, Mom... See? It's that easy.
TATV Announcer
Next on Comedy Central, an all new South Park!
I hear those kids' voices are done by grown ups.
Bart
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just wonder how they keep it so fresh after 43 episodes?
[In the South Park episode, the kids are at a rock concert]
SStan
I can't believe we paid to see a band with Steve Guttenberg, Calista Flockhart, and Farty The Crippled Robot!
FFarty
[a robot with a guitar sitting in a wheelchair] Look who's in my fart: O. J.!
[Farty produces a fart cloud that disappears, leaving O. J. Simpson in its place]
OJO. J.
[holds up a knife] I'm gonna kill you all!
[O. J. decapitates Farty, who inexplicably bleeds red blood, before doing the same to drummer Guttenberg and bassist Flockhart, the latter appearing like a stick figure]
BMBart and Milhouse
[dancing a dosey-doe] Cartoon violence! Cartoon violence!
[O. J. appears on screen with Cartman's head on his knife]
OJO. J.
Now I'm gonna find the real killers!
[Marge turns off the TV as Bart and Milhouse scream]
Kids, that cartoon's not life-affirming. We're going to watch a show about the everyday problems of angels.
[Marge turns the TV back on to PAX TV]
TATV Announcer
Now, back to Good Heavens.
[An old couple living in the clouds with their dog appears on screen]
OWOld Woman
Jesus called today.
[Bart and Milhouse scream and run away]
This is for Snowball I and J.F.K.! [Hits Death with a bowling ball. Death's jaw falls out as he falls to the floor and dies. His contract for Bart disappears as well as his scythe, which was holding Bart up]
Bart
Cool.
Dad, do you realize what you've done? You've created a world without death!
Does this mean they'll never cancel The Jim Belushi Show?
Lisa, what are you doing? This is the kind of trouble making I expect from your brother!
Bart
You do? Cool, a blank check for mayhem!
(Bart picks up a brick and throws it at a window; however, it ricochets off the unbreakable glass and hits him in the head, knocking him out)
TBTony Blair
Hello. Welcome to the United Kingdom.
Prime Minister Tony Blair?
Bart
Why are you greeting lowlifes like us at the airport?
BBlair
Because I want to encourage all the world to come see the beauty of 21st century Britain.
Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?
BBlair
No, but thank you.
Tony, I mean, Mr. Prime Minister, what should we see first?
BBlair
There's so much to see here. Parliament, Stratford-on-Avon, the White Cliffs of Dover, oh, and since you Americans love castles, there's a huge one in Edinburgh, the city where I was born.
The place where I was born is now a gator farm.
Maybe you could give us a personal tour of your country?
BBlair
I'd love to. But I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at Gate 23. Cheerio.
[puts on a jetpack and flies off, James Bond-style]
Wow, I can't believe we met Mr. Bean!
IMIan McKellen
We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.
You mean MacBeth? (car splashes water onto Ian)
IIan
Quiet you blundering fool! You'll curse us all!
What, by saying MacBeth? (anvil falls on Ian's foot)
IIan
MacBeth! Uh! Now I've said it (Ian gets struck by lightning)
Bart
Oh, this is cool. MacBeth, MacBeth, MacBeth. (lightning strikes three times)
Bart! Stop saying MacBeth! (lightning strikes)
Mom, you said MacBeth! (lightning strikes)
Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry! (lightning strikes)
IIan
That's quite alright, you didn't know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a performance to give.
Bart
Good luck!
IIan
It's bad luck to say that too! (MacBeth sign falls on Ian's head)
[Homer has been making something with the "Kitchen Carnival" overnight]
Bart
[to Lisa] I'm gonna pour caramel on my clothes, and then finally I can eat my shorts!
[They both yell in shock as they see Homer with a truly massive ball of caramel-covered cotton candy]
[proudly] This is 85 pounds of tooth-melting sugar! Dig in!
[Bart and Lisa immediately do so]
That's it, kids, suckle Daddy's sugar ball.
Bart
You're sneaking off to fight that bear. I wanna go too!
No way. If something happens to me, you have to carry on the Simpson name.
Bart
Screw that! When I grow up, I'm legally changing my name to Joe Kickass!
That is so cool! Okay, you can come.
This is horrible! What if Dad reads it ("The Harpooned Heart")?
Bart
It's too long; he won't read it.
Well, what if it gets made into a movie?
Bart
It's too sappy; he won't see it.
Well, what if they do a parody about it on MADtv?
Bart
[gasps] We're doomed!
[Bart heads into the bathroom, Homer comes out giggling.]
Wait 'til he puts his unsuspecting butt on that toilet seat. [He giggles again, while looking at "Squat-n-Squirt" box cover. A toilet flushing is heard.] Huh? Where the "ee-yow"?
Bart
[exits the bathroom] All yours, Homer.
But you didn't sit on the toilet.
Bart
I didn't have to-- I'm a dude.
[snatches Bart back to the bathroom, forces him to sit on toilet] Butt on bowl, little man!
Bart
[struggling to sit on toilet] Hey, my pants aren't down!
[Bart gets through his legs and forces him on toilet, which it sprays water.]
[Bart laughs at it.]
[turns red in anger] Why you little--! [angrily strangles Bart] Joke's on me, isn't it?!
[Bart stucks the electric toothbrush up Homer's nose, makes him vibrate on inside. Then Homer grabs shower hose and sprays it in Bart's mouth. Then Bart grabs the toilet cleaning brush and brushes inside Homer's mouth, which makes him strangle him again. The shower hose flies with water still on hits things off.]
[offscreen] What's all that racket?!
[gasps] It's old lady Simpson! Run! [he and Bart runs out of the bathroom]
[as she and Marge enters] What's going on?
Uh... I'll tell you what's going on. I'm taking you all out for pancakes!
[Marge, Bart and Lisa cheers]
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
