Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Principal Skinner

[on the phone] Y'ello? Mother? [sighs] I'll be right there. [to Edna] Now she wants to get out of the tub.

Edna Krabappel

You've got to stop putting your mother ahead of me! We have a date!

Principal Skinner

I'll be back in three hours. [suggestive] Maybe less. [normal] But almost certainly more.

Bart

He's a wiener, Mrs. K. Just say the word, and his desk is full of boogers.

Edna Krabappel

That's sweet of you.

Hey Bart! Want to go for a ride on my uncle's Black Hawk helicopter?

Bart

But I just started my paper!

It's your last chance! He'll probably get court marshaled for this!

Bart

Black Hawk up!

Marge

Say, Homie, how about a good luck snuggle before my competition tomorrow?

Homer

[feeling trapped] Erm, listen my bulky flower, I have an early day tomorrow and...

Marge

[Gets on top] I wasn't asking. [Veins bulging. She rapes Homer]

Homer

Morning kids, I made your lunches.

Bart

Where's Mom?

Homer

Your Mom has a lot of stuff to shave. [walks off hobbling]

Lisa

There are perfectly logical explanations for everything that happened. The bonfire sent soot into the air, which created rain, and with all the trees cut down a flood was inevitable.

Bart

Yeah, but what made the rain stop?

Lisa

I don't know. Buddha?

Bart

How could you make me Baby Stink-Breath and not even tell me?

Homer

I was going to tell you on my deathbed.

Marge

Honey, you did have a great time doing those commercials, and you made a lot of money.

Bart

I did? Where is it?

Marge

Your father invested it in the college trust fund which, today, must be worth a fo...

Homer

[interrupts Marge] La la la la la la la la la!

Marge

[groans in embarrassment] Of course, the stock market's been down lately, but there must be some sort of...

Homer

[rudely continues interrupting Marge] La la la la la la la la nothing left la la la oh.

Bart

You spent all the money I earned?

Homer

I needed it. I had to buy back some incriminating photos. Look.

Homer

See, you're fine, and then... [shows the final photo, depicting Bart missing] whoops! Uh-oh! Look out! Oh! I know this looks bad, but if you reverse it, Daddy's a hero. See? [reverses the sequence] Watch... I saved you!

Bart

I want a divorce from my parents.

Blue-Haired Lawyer

You WHA?!

Bart

I said I want a divorce from my parents.

Blue-Haired Lawyer

Yes, I heard you. I was just calling my secretary. Yuwah, give me the standard child divorcing parent form.

Yes, sir.

Marge

Bart, you're suing us?

Bart

Yes, I wanna be emancipated.

Homer

Emancipated? Don't you like being a dude?

Lisa

No, Dad, it means Bart would be a legal adult and free to move out of the house.

Marge

I wanted a sewing room, but not like this. Not like this!

Bart

Mom, you've always been cool to me, but Homer is a lousy dad and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Homer

Hey, my dad was lousy and I didn't sue him. I just dumped him in the cheapest home I could find.

Hey! My IV is empty, and my catheter is full!

See you tomorrow.

Bart using this doll, will you show the court where your father stolen money from you?

Bart

[pulls out the left pocket of the doll] Here and here. [pulls out the right pocket of the doll]

Let the record show he has pulled out the pockets from the doll.

Mr. Simpson, your son alleges that you have an anger management problem.

Homer

[angrily turns red] Why you little! [Judge Harm stares at him sternly] I... uh, I'm sorry, judge. That's a rare lapse in my normally calm demeanor.

Judge Harm

[disbelieving Homer much to the joy of Bart's lawyer] Could the stenographer please read back the previous statement?

Why you little...

Homer

[angrily turns red] Why you little...!

Bart

[laughs] The oldest trick in the book!

Homer

Why you little...! [to Judge Harm] Why you little...!

Marge

Please don't go, Bart. I'll let you swear in the house: everything but the Big Three.

Bart

Sorry, Mom. I just can't, not as long as he's here. [Bart points to Homer, who hides]

Bart

Well, here I am, on my own... and I'm gonna make it, world!

Be quiet in there! Some of us are trying to sell drugs!

Lisa

That couch looks really pricey.

Bart

Well, you need an expensive couch to watch an expensive TV.

Homer

Of course, because you wouldn't want to... [screams] I PAY FOR YOUR SPLENDOR, YOU... [chokes Bart]

Bart

Dad, you don't understand. This was never about being cool. It was about you not caring how I felt.

Homer

Oh, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, you stupid little kid!

Tony

Homer, you're heading for a parental face-plant! Do a 180 emotional Ollie! [groans as he falls down the skate ramp]

Homer

FINALLY, someone explains it to me in words I can understand!

Bart

Come on, man, everyone knows the first day of school is a total wank.

Principal Skinner

Well, if by wank you mean educational fun, then stand back, it's wanking time!

Principal Skinner

Bart, your word is imply.

Bart

Imply. I-M-P...

Bart said, "I am pee." He's made of pee!

Bart

Well, I got my laugh. I'm outta here.

I made Bart in my pants.

Principal Skinner

Lisa, "impugn."

Lisa

I-M-P...

Bart

Hey, Lisa said...

[Slaps Bart in the back of his head] Shut up, pee!