Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Your loyalty is to your protectee. Not to you country. Not to your family. [turns to Homer] Not even to Moo-Hammid.

Homer

Even during Ramadan?

Shut your sass-hole boy.

Homer

Milking rats! THEY'RE MILKING RATS!

Mayor Quimby

[to Fat Tony] Rats?! I am outraged! You promised me dog or higher!

Bart

Alright here comes the implosion!

[Pushes the plunger down] Implosion? I thought you said...

HOCKEY PUUUUUCK!

Homer Simpson

[as they all run from the dust] Heh, heh! Don Rickles zinged ya, Marge!

Homer

Slave girl! Oh, slave girl!

More libations, my imperial conqueror?

Homer

What was that?

More booze. You want more booze?

Ned

So what about all this meat?

Homer

Ah, the missus will clean that up.

Marge

Now it's Marge's time to shine!

Homer

[screams] The Moody Blues!

"Cold hearted Homer ditching his wife, while ancient Ned runs for his life"

"Chips of blue, and red, and white, but we decide..."

Oh can the poems, it's arse-whooping time!

[draws a switchblade] I want fatty! [Homer screams]

Homer

Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!

Lisa

Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?

Homer

Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.

Lisa

Even you?

Homer

Especially me.

Bart

But you gotta support the team, Dad! They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw.

Marge

That's right! Like my mother always said, you've got to stick it out, even if you picked the loser ... [sees Homer picking at his ear and looking at his finger afterward] ...to the bitter end.

[sighs] Ah, no one touched my rumaki.

Homer

[throws it at him] WOOOO, RUMAKI!!!

Bart

Tune in tomorrow, and every day, until the curfew is lifted, because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.

Homer

Well, at least they've already done me.

Bart

And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson.

Homer

D'oh!

Lisa

And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?

Lisa

That's right...Homer Simpson!

Homer

D'oh!

All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.

Homer

Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!

Bart

You can't make us come down!

You adults are always giving orders!

Skinner

Well, you kids are always disobeying them!

Well, adults treat kids like children!

Kirk

Kids treat adults like cash machines!

Adults!

Kids!

Adults!

Kids!

Adults!

Rev. Lovejoy

Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!

Homer

Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!

Marge

[embarrassed] Hmm...

Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]

Krusty

Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]

Marge

Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!

Edna Krabappel

Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!

Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]

Oh, what a bunch of brats!

We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]

Bart

Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!

Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!

Lisa

Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!

I just ate a thumbtack!

Adults! They're always telling us to--

[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!

Jasper

Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]

We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...

Don't you treat us like...

Can't you just lay off...

We're sick of all of you...

KIDS...TO...DAY!

We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!

Homer

Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?

Krusty

Yeah, you old fogies!

Buzz off, you old buzzards!

You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.

Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour! Where the hell's the game?!

Homer

You guys are following me?! I was following Flanders!

Homer

Max Power

Mr. Burns

Ah, Max Power! How's every little thing?

Homer

You remembered my name!

Mr. Burns

Well, who could forget the name of a magnetic individual like you? Keep up the good work, Max!

Homer

Mr. Power.

Mr. Burns

Yes, Mr. Power.

Homer

...and then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the evil ogre, Barney, had left the men's room in the most wicked condition! So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley--

Lisa

That's not a fairy tale; it's something that happened to you at Moe's!

Homer

Sssh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years, until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon.

Boy, that Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke. What television network is he on?

Bart

Why, NBC, of course.

Lisa

NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat.

Do you think there's anything great on NBC right now?

Homer

Oh, I'm sure of it.

Marge

But there's only one way to find out...

Homer

[voice-over] I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under ... [sound of gun cocking]... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox shows as possible. So in summary, NBC - bad. Fox - good. [very softly] CBS great.