Lady Upturn quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

Lady Upturn

"I am offended!"

Narlene

Huh? Ooh! [She sticks her foot out and opens the door. She pulls it back, and the door closes. She does this repeatedly, crushing a customer between the doors.] These here automatic doors sure is frilly, but we hillfolk do things a little more polite-like. [She rips off one of the doors.] Right this way, sir! [A crushed customer groans "thank you" and crawls inside, and Lady Upturn is standing besides Narlene, watching the customer crawl. She turns to Narlene.]

Lady Upturn

Excuuuuse me? What do you think you're doing?

Narlene

Uh, holdin' the door? Here, you try! [She drops the door on Lady Upturn, crushing her. Pearl walks in.]

Pearl

[concerned] Narlene, that's Lady Upturn! [She flips the door and helps Lady Upturn get up, then laughs nervously.] I'm so sorry. She's new in town. [takes out her diamond card] But we'll be good shoppers, I swear! [Lady Upturn inspects the card with a diamond-studded magnifier.]

Lady Upturn

Hmm, yes. Carry on, [patting their heads] my little consumers. [grabs their shirts] But here at Upturn's, we take shopping seriously.

[nodding] Okay. [They sprint off.]

Lady Upturn

You, young ladies, do not belong here. Especially [points to Narlene] her.

Narlene

[confused] Uh?

Pearl

So what if my friend doesn't do things the way city people do? At least she's not a stuck-up snob like [points] you!

Lady Upturn

[offended] Oh!

Pearl

Besides, we cetacean sisters always stick together! [She squeezes Narlene, causing her to stick out her tongue, which has a wad of gum on it. She smiles at Narlene.]

Narlene

[happy] Ah!

Lady Upturn

[injures herself] I need an ambulance! [SpongeBob laughs uncontrollably] How dare you laugh at my misfortune! Mr. Krabs, fire this cretin at once!

You heard her! Come back when you're not a gigglin' idiot!

SpongeBob

[laughs] Don't come back?! B-B-But Mr. Krabs, I'm not laughing on p-p-purpose! [laughs]

Lady Upturn

[gasps] He's laughing at you, Fifi! [faints]

[whimpers, growls, and attacks SpongeBob for laughing at her]

SpongeBob

[laughing] I'm sorry, Fifi! I'm a monster! [runs away laughing, causing everyone to become annoyed by his obnoxious laughter] I gotta hide. That way my laughter won't hurt anyone else.