Rube quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob

[sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob coming for you. They're here.

Sandy

They done busted my dome!

They wrecked me up!

Squidward

They got pictures of me naked!

No one wants to see your moles.

Ew!

Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!

Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.

Huh?

That's strange.

Rube

Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.

[shocked] Huh?!

Rube

In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here. [disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise]

Patrick

[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!

French Narrator

You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling]

Rube

[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]

Rube

We're here with "Baby Prunes." [to her] Now, you're the oldest resident of Bikini Bottom. Isn't that right?

What are you, a cop?

Mary

[shouting] Ma, behave!

[shouting] He's interviewing me, Mary, so shut up!

Rube

[laughs] You are too much.

Honey, you should have seen me 70 years ago when I was middle-aged and wild! [coughing]

[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]

I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, [a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye] a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish!

Rube

Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? [The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle] A-meep-ing!

Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system [pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus] Haha, meep!

[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza] Pizza delivery!

Huh? [they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]

Pizza?! [runs away back to the bus and it drives away]

[smells the pizza] Mmmmm!

SpongeBob

Mmmm, that smells good! [turns back into himself] Boing!

[walks to SpongeBob] Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing!

SpongeBob

Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality!

It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy!

Rube

Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! [he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]

SpongeBob

And we shouldn't let it go to waste! [Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!

Patrick

Oh-ho-ho-ho! [runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him] What? No anchovies?

All that meeping made me hungry too! Mr. Squidward, we need some paper plates out here!

SpongeBob

Squidward? Uh, are you here?

Now just where is that lazy bum while all this is going on?