Scenes with French Narrator 28
French NarratorHooray. It looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire, but they will soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned. [cut back to Patchy, who is laughing hysterically]
I told you prehistoric times were fun! Hey! How's about I teach you kids how a caveman makes a fire with [holds up two sticks] two sticks? [rubs them together] Yeah... Doesn't get any cooler than that, huh? Chalk one up for Patchy! [a "I" is chalked up on the wall below a sign reading "Prehistory"] Rubbing... [he pants. Nothing is happening, and he eventually gives up] I guess this is a type of wood that doesn't burn. [a laser shoots through and lights the two sticks on fire, startling Patchy] Potty! [we see Potty with a laser cannon on his back]
[squawk] Laser technology. Score one for the future. [cut to the digital screen next to the prehistory chalk labeled "The Future." The score goes from "00" to "01"]
Well, I have something that you'll never find in your little [air quotes] future: a real live caveman. Hmm... [the caveman walks in from behind] Hey, there he is! Come on in, big troglodyte fella. Come on… [the caveman is very slowly approaching] You see kids, I found him frozen in a block of ice and then I spent three days thawing him out with my mom's hair dryer. I call him Cavey. [the caveman approaches the camera, and recoils in horror. Patchy chuckles] Isn't he something? It's OK, Cavey. [another "I" is chalked up for "Prehistory"]
That's nothing, old timer. Make way for the future. [a door swings up and a robot named X-29488 enters the room]
X2X-29488
Greetings. I am the X-29488. How may I serve you? ["The Future" score goes from "01" to "02"; beat]
Where do you keep getting all this stuff!?
Never you mind, pops. Let's go see what Cavey thinks. [squawks. Cavey slowly approaches the robot, and touches it. The robot's eyes start flashing red. A siren goes off]
X2X-29488
Attack! Attack! [Cavey starts to run off and the robot gives slow chase, shooting lasers at him. For every shot, "The Future" score keeps going up]
Potty! You're ruining me caveman show!
X2X-29488
Attack! Attack! [the robot continues to shoot lasers. Cut to the exterior, which is rumbling]
French Narrator
Will Patchy ever get control of the special? [cut to SpongeGar, mesmerized by the fire] What will SpongeBob do with fire? [cut to the SpongeBob B.C. screen] Stay tuned to SpongeBob SquarePants B.C. and find out.
[Fade on a black screen. After the commercial break, we cut back to Patchy's cave house, the house still rumbling.]
French Narrator
Welcome back to SpongeBob SquarePants B.C. Sounds like things have gone from bad to worse for Patchy. Let's watch. [inside, the robot is still firing lasers, and Cavey throws a giant rock at him. Patchy is huddled behind the couch. Potty watches with a soda and popcorn]
Ahoy, glad you're back. [ducks a laser] Let's watch the rest of SpongeBob B.C. while I get things straightened out around here. Whoa! [ducks as a giant rock falls on him. He comes up dazed] Or... maybe not. [collapses. Cut back to the freeze frame of Sponge, Pat, and Squog]
French Narrator
When we last saw our hungry troglodytes, they just discovered fire. How long will it take for them to mess it up? Let's see.
[The scene opens up in front of Nickelodeon Animation Studios in Burbank, California, where a security guard is standing by the gate]
Narrator
Last week, a never-before-seen episode of SpongeBob SquarePants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. [black and white footage of a large crowd of excited people is shown] Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch... [the title appears on screen] the SpongeBob SquarePants Lost Episode. [an aerial shot of the town of Encino appears] Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate. [inside his house, Patchy is inside the shower, humming; Potty flies up]
Patchy, Patchy, the kids are here. [flushes the toilet]
Wagh! [opens the curtain in panic] Hot! Hot! Hot! Potty, don't you know this is Patchy's private time? [looks at the camera] Oh, hello. Dahh! [covers himself with the curtain] What are you all doing here?
They're here to see the lost episode. Brawk!
But I haven't got the lost episode because I... well, I lost it. [breaks down sobbing]
CChildren
[off-screen] No, Patchy, please! Don't say that, Patchy. Please!
But it is. It's lost and I have no idea where it is, so it's best if you forget all about old SpongeBob. [shuts the curtain and wails. Cuts to a montage of SpongeBob's greatest moments]
I don't believe I lost "The Lost Episode". [screws in his peg leg] I never lose anything.
Hey, it's a map. It's a map to the lost episode of "SpongeBob" I lost.
[grabs the popcorn] This is gonna be great. [a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen] I can't believe it, more SpongeBob. [starts eating the popcorn; the countdown makes its way down to five] This is so exciting! [laughs, shaking the popcorn, which flies everywhere; the countdown ends] Here it comes.
Hey... I know you. Yeah, from today's paper! [holds up a newspaper with a picture of SpongeBob on the front page and the headline "Local Nutcase Tries to Fly"]
"Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!
[walks outside, and past Monroe and his Mother]
Look, mom, it's the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom.
MMother
Wow! I wonder why he's still using his legs!
Come on, Bird Man. Flap your wings and fly! [makes flapping motions; he and Incidental 115 laugh cruelly; SpongeBob walks away, only to encounter many other fish]
CFCap Fish
Hey, Bird Man, going to check on your eggs?
NNancy
Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on.
[steps in front of SpongeBob and starts flapping his arms and making chicken noises; a crowd of fish around him laughs]
Go on and laugh, but it is a sad day in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed for having dreams! [two fish holding babies stand to the side of him]
M2Mother #2
You think you're the only one with unfulfilled dreams?
I was supposed to be a concert pianist... until I realized I didn't have any fingers. [looks at his hands]
NNancy
What makes you so special? [the crowd of fish turns into an angry mob, along with pitchfork and torches]
[the mob chases him; he starts panting, then stops] Huh? [camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob just stepped off the edge of a cliff and he screams]
[screams as he lands in a Mud Removal truck] Ooh! [the truck makes a sharp turn and SpongeBob falls out, covered in mud; while falling] Well, it can't get any worse. D'oh! [lands in a Feather Delivery truck; sticks his head up, which is now covered with feathers] I guess I spoke too soon.
French Narrator
[Note: television version only] [the scene freezes] Will SpongeBob learn to fly? Stay tuned.
[last lines]
No! [trying to stop the VHS tape reel from spitting out of the VCR] Stop, stop! Go back, infernal machine! [tangled up in black tape reels, television statics and Mariachi band members approach him] Oh, no. I've ruined the Lost Episode! Now it's lost forever!
French Narrator
Oh, boy. What a loser. Well, I guess the Lost Episode will remain lost but tape or no tape as long as there are stars in the sky, SpongeBob will always live in our hearts and in our minds. [a constellation of SpongeBob appears] Now get lost. I mean, bye. No, really. Get lost.
French Narrator
It is a very special day in Bikini Bottom.
[Screen moves from Bikini Bottom Island to Boating School]
I'm ready! [walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick] I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring my flashcards?
Right here, buddy. [takes them out of his pocket] Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. [eats the cards] Mmm.
Hey, learning tastes good.
Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.
Well then, 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.
[cheered up a little] I'm a winner.
I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! [runs into the classroom]
French Narrator
1 minute, 37 seconds later... [SpongeBob walks up crying]
How'd you do, winner? [SpongeBob's crying continues] Let's see that license.
I didn't get a license, Patrick.
Are they gonna mail it to ya?
No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.
No way! 58 is, like, the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.
Narrator
The next day... [cut to Bigshot Records]
♪-and that's why you're my cookie-wookie teddy bear!♪
KKeyboardist
I hate your life, too, dude.
BMBand Manager
People! We have 17 more songs to finish this hour! Next up is: "I Wrote This" by Patrick Star. [sniffs then holds his nose] Yick.
GGuitarist
[takes it] This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up.
BBassist
Oh yeah. [upon looking at it, his eyes shrivel up and turn into dust]
BMBand Manager
I don't care how awful his poem is! We spent his 100 bucks already!
BBassist
Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A 1, and a 2 and a-
[Cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried]
UUndertaker
[gives the record to Patrick] They wanted you to have this.
[starts chopping vegetables] I'm sure with all my years in the kitchen, I can make something other than... [chops vegetables into a Krabby Patty then laughs nervously] Just warming up. [Mr. Crustacean gets angry, he then screams than gets a tray of stuff and puts in in the oven] Come on, SpongeBob! [whistles and then takes out a Krabby Patty and throws it on the ground, Mr. Crustacean gets angry again, he then cracks an egg into a pan] Just one egg then... [egg turns into a Krabby Patty and SpongeBob gets mad and throws it on the ground along with many other Krabby Patties] No, that's not it either...
CMr. Crustacean
YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF MY--! [Krabby Patty accidentally lands in his mouth and he eats it] This taste is... is fantastic! What do you call it? [he then eats another one]
CMr. Crustacean
[eats more Krabby Patties] The whole world must taste this!
French Narrator
Meanwhile, at the Krusty Krab... [We see that the Krusty Krab is all decorated fancy]
Hey, Squidward, look at this! [holds up a plate with a small fruit on it] We're charging 52 smackeroos for this little guy. [laughs and then Squidward smells its horrible odor]
I don't know! Some kind of bean paste or something.
LSLe Schnook
Wrong, monsieur! It is ze Rare Fruit of ze Kazook Tree.
So it's supposed to smell like a rotten gym socks?
LSLe Schnook
Its naturally rancid odor can only be neutralized by shredded gold.
Shredded... [gulps] gold? [Le Schnook then starts shredding gold with a cheese grater. Mr. Krabs screams and takes it away from him] Couldn't we use less expensive ingredients?
LSLe Schnook
Price can be no object when it comes to dealing with exquisite food like zis. It must be prepared with only the finest ingredients, and eaten with only the finest silverware, while sitting on the finest furniture! [Le Schnook tries to sit in one of the chair, but it is just a billboard] Zis... is not ze chair I ordered.
Yeah, well you see those were out of stock.
LSLe Schnook
And zis fork of plastic... Spray painted to look silver, is it not? [Mr. Krabs starts to sweat, chuckling nervously. Le Schnook gets back up, dusting himself] I cannot prepare food UNDER ZESE CONDITIONS!
[The origin special plays.]
Narrator
The story of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy all started here.
TTim (Barnacle Boy)
Come on, Ernie! The movie's about to start... Where's the popcorn?
EErnie (Mermaid Man)
It's in the microwave, Tim.
Narrator
At that very moment in the apartment directly above, a rogue scientist doing tests
SScientist
Make sure you scrape the on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, barnacles underneath, too. I think over a jar of his.
Narrator
on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, 1 of which, without any hesitation, crawls down 1 floor and miraculously lands undetected. It viciously bites our soon-to-be superhero. He screams in pain...!
EErnie (Mermaid Man)
Ahh!
Narrator
...Stumbling backwards!
TTim (Barnacle Boy)
What on earth?
Narrator
In a split-second, both men find themselves in a freefall that sends them squarely through the roof of a vats of acid factory, and into a vat of acid that is tipped over by an errant alien spaceship, carrying the 2 blindly on a wave of acid during a solar eclipse on a leap year, precariously careening onto a bomb-testing site, where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our heroes in waiting to highly toxic radium gases; Then, as fate would have it, magical storm clouds move in, zapping both men with a neon-plaid lightning bolt and raining radioactive ooze, which, through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle 2,000 miles away, consequently unearthing a magical crystal with wings that flies to Ernie and Tim's exact location, and powered by super gamma energy currents, pilots them to open skies until, not paying attention, the crystal clips the top of a billboard, flinging the 2 back to their apartment miraculously unharmed, when...
EErnie (Mermaid Man)
Hey, the popcorn's ready!
JJohnny
...They proceed with movie night, and eat slightly overcooked popcorn.
TTim (Barnacle Boy)
Mmmm... I think you overcooked this a little.
JJohnny
Suddenly, an amazing reaction to the overcooked popcorn hits them with a jolt of cosmic super energy, metamorphosing Ernie into an incredibly strong, seastar-wearing superhero and Tim into a slightly less strong, but also super sailor-looking guy.
Tim [Barnacle Boy]: I have the sudden and incredibly urge to breathe water instead of air.
Ernie [Mermaid Man]: As do I.
Narrator
And that is how they became the superheroes we have come to know as... Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy - Defenders of the Deep!
[Squidward is at the Krusty Krab]
[comes in] I invented a game! I invented a game!
[doesn't want to know what the game is] Whoopee. Do tell.
Well, you know how hard "Tic-Tac-Toe" is and how it always takes so long to play?
Yeah! Well, I made it easier and faster!
[sighs] I know I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but what do you got?
It's called "Tic-Tac"! [holds out a notebook] You start with four lines that are crossed. And then the first person puts an X. And then the next person puts an, uh... [thinks]
Oh, yeah! An O! And the first person to get four in a row draws a line through them and says, "Tic-Tac"!. [rips off the paper and laughs] You start!
[Squidward draws an X then Patrick draws an O. Squidward draws another X and draws a line through them]
Uh... [rips off another paper] Best two out of four?
French Narrator
[narrating time card] Many Tic-Tacs later...
[Squidward and Patrick had been playing "Tic-Tac" for a while. As they played one more time, Patrick becomes worried as Squidward draws in the notebook]
I should've gone with my first idea: "Tic."
[The X's, O's, and the writing of the Galley Grub starts disappearing before the scene changes to Squidward riding his recumbent bicycle. Patrick runs up to him]
Squidward, I got a new game! It's called "Rock, Paper, Butter"! [holds out a stick of butter melting in his hand]
Butter invent a different game! [laughs]
[Squidward rides away as Patrick eats the stick of butter and sulks sadly back home. The scene changes to Squidward watering his garden. Patrick shows up with two ropes. A long one and a short one]
Squidward, I got it! [throws the ropes on the ground] Whose Rope Is Longer? You... [Squidward picks up the long rope before Patrick finishes] You played this before!
[imitating the French Narrator as he reads the time card] 80,000 impressions later...
French Narrator
Would you please stop imitating me? It is starting to get very annoying.
[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff fight each other again. However, now that Neptune's Moon is gone, they both revert themselves back into their regular forms. But unfortunately, the effects of Neptune's Moon also caused their respective clothing to dissolve into nothingness, thus leaving them naked]
KPMr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff
Oops. [cover themselves in embarrassment and run off laughing]
[Larry reverts back to his regular form as well. But he is also naked. He picks up a flower and uses it as a loincloth. Then he walks away. Pearl and Squidward continue fighting above Sandy's treedome. They both revert back to their regular forms. However, they're also naked as well. Pearl spits Squidward out from her mouth]
What is going on here? [gasps] MY CLOTHES! [screams and runs away]
[screams and runs away as she is naked] NO!
[SpongeBob and Patrick revert back to the regular forms, but they're also naked as well]
[SpongeBob pulls himself off of Sandy's suit. Patrick giggles and falls off of Sandy's helmet. SpongeBob looks around and sees Sandy's treedome destroyed]
Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked?
Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had.
French Narrator
And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun.
[The ground shakes. Neptune's Sun comes out of a volcano and shines its light on Sandy. The light then transforms Sandy into a realistic land squirrel. It appears that Neptune's Sun only effects land creatures while Neptune's Moon only effects sea creatures. Sandy chitters and crawls around inside her suit]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty!
[They both laugh as Sandy chitters]
[sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob coming for you. They're here.
They done busted my dome!
OROld Ribeye
They wrecked me up!
They got pictures of me naked!
No one wants to see your moles.
Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!
[Officer John pushes Mr. Krabs aside and grabs Rube's camera. He opens it and sees Plankton already inside of it, but the camera itself appears to not have any film in it]
Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.
[Everyone looks at Rube in confusion]
Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.
[The camera disappears, with Plankton falling to the ground which surprises everyone]
EEveryone
[shocked] Huh?!
In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here. [disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise]
[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!
[Everyone backs away in fear and runs off. The screen fades back into "The Tidal Zone"]
French Narrator
You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling]
[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]
[the episode begins with the start of the late-night talk show "Snark Chat with Bubble Bass"]
Narrator
Snark Chat with Bubble Bass.
And we're back. My first guest had dinner with me just last night. He's a close personal friend of mine. Please welcome the Krabby Patty. [audience clap] Great to have you back on the program.
KPKrabby Patty
Great to be here, BB.
Well, I'm sorry to say it, but last night, you were not quite as delicious as one would hope.
KPKrabby Patty
Oh, don't worry, I'm sure Mr. Krabs will give you a refund.
[a percussion rimshot sting is heard, followed by Bubble Bass and the Krabby Patty laughing, Mama Bass interrupts the show as his dream ends]
[voiceover] Bubble Bass, who are you talking to down there?
Mother! Please stop trying to undermine my fantasy talk show! [Krabby Patty thuds as a cardboard] Mmph.
[voiceover] You march yourself upstairs this instant! Take out the garbage, dry the dishes, and walk the worm!
Ooh, I don't feel like it! Huh? [Mama Bass throws garbage, two dishes, and the worm at him, who swallows the second dish] That tears it, Mother! [grunts] I am moving out! [slams the front door]
[voiceover] Moving? Hah! You can't even do your own laundry! [grunts and throws an underwear at Bubble Bass]
GGrandPat
Ah... It's good to be back home, where it's normal.
[offscreen] Hey, GrandPat. [pan to reveal GrandPat's entire family have wings and eyes similar to flies] Whatcha watching?
GGrandPat
[screams, but then relaxes] Eh, close enough.
French Narrator
And so, we leave things a little bit weird. But that's how we like it here, in The Tidal Zone. [his arm comes through the TV screen and turns it off] Au revoir.
GGrandPat
Hey! I was watching that!
[The episode opens with a wide shot of Avocondo Acres.]
French Narrator
Ah, Avocondo Acres, Bikini Bottom's premier retirement community. This is where we find Harold and Margaret, the parents of the ocean's most exceptional multicellular organism, SpongeBob SquarePants.
[sniffs] Harold, do you smell that? It smells like something...rotting. [The avocado mush from the home lands on Harold.]
It's begun! We better run! [Harold takes Margaret in his arms and they run out of their rotting avocado home.]
EFElderly Fish
I tell people to rub their homes with lemon juice and wrap it in plastic! But do they listen?
Oh, Harold, what will we do?
Well, we'll just have to grow a new home. And in the meantime, we can stay with our son.
[Harold and Margaret drive off in their boat, while their avocado sits in a giant cup full of water. The scene transitions to SpongeBob's house.]
Take cover, Gary! Watch this! I jump up and down, the soda bottles pop their corks, and send me dangerously around the room! I may not survive. [he laughs, then his phone rings] Hello? Hi Mom, hi Dad! Your house? Oh no! Stay with me? Why of course you can! Guess what, Gary? Mom and Dad are coming over to stay at our place for the very first time! [gary meows] I just thought of something. My parents haven't seen me in a while. They'll be expecting their son to be a little more, well, adult. Grown-up. Mature. And look at me! [A close-up of SpongeBob is seen with a bandage on his forehead and his helmet is squished on the side] And look at this place! It's a filthy mess!
"[The room is shining, and the scene transitions to SpongeBob cleaning his wall. Patrick appears where SpongeBob has cleaned.]"
French Narrator
Clean! "[transitions to SpongeBob vacuuming.]"
[SpongeBob vacuums up the floor, revealing Patrick again under the floor.]
French Narrator
So clean! [transitions to SpongeBob cleaning his toilet]
[SpongeBob pulls Patrick out of the toilet]
We've gotta stop meeting like this.
"[appears behind SpongeBob]" You almost done?
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
