MMorty
Extra, extra, read all about it! Jerk reads diary, local fry cook devastated. [holding up a newspaper]
Oh, boy, let me see one of those papers. Uh-huh, mm-hm. [a cover of paper shows a sad photo of SpongeBob. There is writing that says "Local Fry Cook Devastated." Squidward laughs and tosses the paper on the ground. Citizens stare at him scornfully] Taxi! [waving as a taxi car with the model of the boat screeches its tires approaching him]
DDriver
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, pal. You're that diary reader.
Yes, I am. [taxi drives away in an angry attitude after hearing Squidward's revelation. The tires squeal, Squidward coughs in the exhaust. Then he continues walking]
AMAbigail Marge
Diary thief!
JJohn
[from outside a house window] Secret stealer!
NNorma
Billy, stay away from that mean, old diary reader.
Idiots. [The scene changes to outside of SpongeBob's, Patrick's, and Squidward's houses, with Squidward at his front door. It opens, revealing Quincy]
QQuincy
Squidward Tentacles, by reading another person's diary, you have violated the terms of your loan. [holds up loan papers] We are repossessing your house.
QQuincy
Take it away, boys! [Squidward's house is lifted away with a crane.]
Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! [walks down further into the alley] This time!
MMan
Hey! You! [starts walking toward Squidward]
Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! [karate chops] Hi-yah! [kicks] Hi-yah! [flips] Hi-yah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! [the man walks closer] Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! [the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily] Okay buddy, I warned ya! [near a trash can] I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hi-yah! [kicks the trash can toward the man]
MMan
What? [gets hit on the head by the trash can] Ow!
[laughs] How do you like them apples? Wah! [punches a crate at the man]
[holding two wooden planks] Hah! Feel my wrath! [throws them] How's your uncle?!
MMan
[gets hit on the head by one of the planks] Ow! [the other hits him on the stomach] Ow!
And as my finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! He-yah! [spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]
MMan
Oh... hey, man! Wha-what was that for? [holding Squidward's groceries] I was just trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!
[takes the groceries] Uh, oh.
Sandy! I found him! He's over here! [holding the belt] You forgot your belt silly! [looks at the man and gasps]
Gosh! What happened to you?
This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed!
After all I said about never using karate for revenge?
For shame, Squidward. For shame.
Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. [takes the belt] Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you, Squidward. [walks off with SpongeBob]
Whatever! I'm still a karate master!
JOfficer John
Wow, really? You are? [walks Squidward to the police car]
JOfficer John
Hey watch your head. [Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it] Oh, I'd never guess it.
And what is that supposed to mean?
JOfficer John
Oh, uh... nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection...
Okay, already! I get it! [notices the handcuffs on him] What? Wait a second. Am I under arrest?
JOfficer John
You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent... [Squidward screams loudly] ...or not silent. [drives off as the episode ends]
[sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob coming for you. They're here.
They done busted my dome!
OROld Ribeye
They wrecked me up!
They got pictures of me naked!
No one wants to see your moles.
Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!
[Officer John pushes Mr. Krabs aside and grabs Rube's camera. He opens it and sees Plankton already inside of it, but the camera itself appears to not have any film in it]
Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.
JOfficer John
That's strange.
[Everyone looks at Rube in confusion]
Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.
[The camera disappears, with Plankton falling to the ground which surprises everyone]
EEveryone
[shocked] Huh?!
In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here. [disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise]
[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!
[Everyone backs away in fear and runs off. The screen fades back into "The Tidal Zone"]
You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling]
[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
