South Park · Season 4
Chef, what's a prostitute?
Dagnabbit children! How come every time you come in here, you gotta be asking me questions that I shouldn't be answering?! "Chef, what's a clitoris?" "What's a lesbian, Chef?" "How come they call it a 'rimjob', Chef?" For once, can't you just come in here and say "Hi, Chef. Nice day, isn't it?"
Okay. Hi, Chef. Nice day, isn't it?
It sure is!
Chef, what's a prostitute?
Hello, camper! My name is Rick. How are you doing?
Well, I'm pissed off, Rick! How are you?
All right, I don't know who the hell put you all up to this, but I am not going to some gay-ass fat camp!
Now, Eric, all these people are doing this because we care about you, m'kay?
Except for me. I just wanted to see the look on your face when we told you.
[after the fake Kenny suffocates in Miss Crabtree's uterus] Oh my God! They killed Kenny! ...sort of.
Yeah, they killed Kenny! ...'s look-alike. You bastards!
Mom, tell them how everyone in your family was big-boned. Tell them how they were fat, but grew into their bodies when they got older.
Oh, sweetie, those were all lies. You're just fat.
Dude. I don't know if I'm going to like the new Eric Cartman.
Did you like the old one?
Good point.
It's so unfair! How can my parents do that to me?!
Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes, dude. They get off on it.
They're evil! I wish I didn't have any parents!!
Well, you could make them go away for a while.
How?!
Well, I mean, you could call the police and have them take your parents away.
The police?
Yeah, I saw it on TV. All you got to do is call the police and say that your parents both molestered you.
What's that?
I don't know, but it works. When I wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend, I just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and I haven't seen him for three months.
[awed] Wow! Three months without parents!
(Wow, that is awesome!)
But what do the police do to them?
Who cares? My parents deserve whatever they get. They're liars and cheats.
What's "bad touch"?
Something 'bout a swimsuit, I don't remember, but you definitely answer "bad touch".
Okay, molestered, bad touch.
Yeah, And cry. [Kyle lets out a soft cry] Oh, he's ready.
[Song that convinces Castro to convert to democracy]
If I could have one wish, just one wish in the whole world
If I could have one wish, it would be for Cuba to change
'Cause I think all of the Cubans are in pain
All the joy in the world, from sea to shining sea
Doesn't mean a thing, if Cubans aren't free
I just can't be very happy, I'm certain
Not as long as your Cubans are hurting
Oh, won't you search your soul, and find a way to change your mind?
That is my one and only wish
Castro is visibly moved to tears by Kyle's song, and decides to take his advice.
¡¡Llamen a todos junto!! ("Call everyone together!!")
Hello, what's your name... What-what do you want?
We wanna play...
Mark, I'm scared.
Don't be scared, they're just kids. Where are your parents?
We already played with our parents.
Now we want to play with you!
Okay, I'm scared now, too. That freaked me out.
We wanna play with you!
Aw, I was just about to sacrifice myself to Mr. Elway.
[talking through construction paper cut-out of a woman] Hey there good looking, what's your name? [talking through "Butters" cut-out] Butters, Ma'am. [through cut-out of woman] Well Butters, would you like to slap my titties around? [smiles; through "Butters" cut-out] Oh, well! Uh. [sadly] No thanks, Ma'am. I'll get in trouble again. [puts cut-outs away]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
