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SEASON 13

South Park · Season 13

South Park Season 13 quotes

79 quotes · page 4 of 6

S13 E6Pinewood Derby

S13 E7Fatbeard

[reading Ike's letter] "Dear Mommy and Daddy, I am running away. I am sorry, but I can no longer handle the monotony of middle-class life. Everyone at school is a real idiot, and if one more person talked to me about that Susan Boyle performance of Les Misérables, I was going to put out through my mouth. I love you all, but I have to move on. I'm going to Somalia to be--to be a pirate"? Oh, shoot!

SPSomali Pirate Song written by Cartman

We drink and we pillage and we do what we please / We get all that we want for free / We’ll kick your ass / And rape your lass / Somalian pirates we / So with a yo ho ho (yo ho ho) / And with a yee hee hee (yee hee hee) / We take to the African sea / We’ll brave the squalls / And bust your balls / Somalian pirates we / We left our homes and we left our mothers / To go on a pillaging spree / We’ll cut off your ears / And break your toes / And make you drink our pee / And if you sail into our waters / You best hear this decree / We’ll take your boat / Set your ass afloat / Somalian pirates we / With a yo ho ho (yo ho ho) / And a trick a-lotty do (trick a-lotty do) / We’ll shoot you in the face with glee / Then we’ll cut off your cock / And feed it to a crock / Somalian pirates we / Somalian pirates we / Somalian pirates we!

S13 E8Dead Celebrities

[on Stan's assertion that he doesn't get 'underwear blood' when eating Chipotle] Well, how nice for you, Stan. You may have a Golden Rectum of the Gods, but the rest of us need Chipotl-Away!

BMBilly Mays

Hi, Billy Mays here for the little Country Handy Pillow. Are you tired of sitting in limbo? Lost somewhere between planes of existence? Well now there's a product that can help you--

WCWalter Cronkite

Will somebody shut his fucking mouth?! I can't take it anymore!

PSPatrick Swayze

This is bad enough without having to constantly listen to you try and sell your stupid crap, Mays!

BMBilly Mays

With just two easy steps, I can climb over these seats and kick you right in the fucking balls!

WCWalter Cronkite

As much as this sucks, it's better than living in a world where it costs $2 for a passenger vehicle to go through a toll booth in West Virginia.

PSPatrick Swayze

Don't forget the electronic toll collection in Ohio.

S13 E9Butters' Bottom Bitch

Yo, Bebe, Bebe yo.

What?

Bitch, you wanna make some motherfucking money?

What!?

Bitch, you should be doing kisses around the playground, you can make $50 a day! Buy all the purses and shoes that you've ever wanted. I'll treat you right, bitch.

Shut up!

Oh, alright then.

[Butters doing schoolwork then spots Wendy]

Hey Wendy, Wendy!

[Wendy looks at Butters]

Bitch, don't you wanna start making some real fucking money?

[annoyed] Leave me alone!

Why you were made for the playground, bitch. You should be out there workin'. Don't you want a new lunch box? Nice new coat? I can get all that for you, bitch.

[annoyed] Butters, dude!

What?

You can't call my girlfriend a bitch!

Oh. Well all I'm sayin' the bitch should be out there workin' is all. [turns to Wendy] Whatcha doing bitch? Just giving kisses to Stan for free? Why you should be making some motherfucking money!

Stan!

Butters, seriously. If you don't stop this, I'll kick your ass!

[turns to Clyde] Clyde, heres a $100. If Stan comes near me, punch him.

Wowwee. [grabs the money from Butters]

[turns to Stan] Dude, we've created a monster.

Come on Wendy, you should be putting that mouth to work.

Butters, Butters do you have a problem?

All these bitches are kissin' fellers, and they haven't figured out that they can be making some serious fucking money!

Kyle, every boy pay for kisses, do you know what i am saying? if you've got a girl and she's kissing you, sooner or later, you are paying for it. you gotta take her out to lunch, take to a movie, and then spend time listening to all her stupid problems. look, look at there, he's got to sit there and listen to her stupid motherfucking problems because she kisses him. If you ask me, that's a lot more than the $5 dollars my company charges.

S13 E10W.T.F.

S13 E11Whale Whores

JPJapanese People

[repeated line] Fakku you wharuu and fakku you dorufeen!

[over the microphone]STAN. ME AND KENNY DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT STUPID. ASS WHAAAAALES.

[Cartman, Kyle and Kenny are playing Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" on Rock Band]

[to the tune of Poker Face] I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be

I don't give a crap about whales so go and hug a tree--

Wait, we can't just lie to people.

PWPaul Watson

Why not?

'Cause then we're just douchebags, dude. C'mon let's get hardcore!

PWPaul Watson

You know what? He's right. It's time to bring out the big guns. You guys ready? Ready and throw the stinky butter at 'em!

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