South Park quotes

Take this noble child out to the Family Guy offices. If he can scare them like he has us, maybe we can pull the Muhammah episode after all.

[rather clearly baked out of his skull, mixing Chang sauce at his new PF Chang's job] How spicy would you like your Chang sauce?

Can you just place our order, please?

OH, man, I have no idea what's going on.

Everything okay here?

Fine, except this towel has been mixing Chang sauce for fifteen minutes. He's clueless!

Don't call me shoeless! YOU'RE shoeless!

Yeah, well you're a towel.

You're a towel.

Alright, that's it! Get out of here! You're fired!

[points at customer] Yeah!

Not him, you!

Aw.

Because they're people and you're a towel.

You're a towel!

No, I'm a big book publisher who's not the least bit interested in your stony memoirs. You're a towel.

Are we in Paris, Mingey?

Burn that which lies to Oprah!

[After a gun is fired] What the!? Ha ha! You missed me, you stupid buggers! You see that, Gary? They can't even aim!

[weakly] Min-Mingey?

Gary? What's wrong?

They got me, Mingey.

[horrified] No! Oh no!

They got me bad. Oh, the blood...

[crying] Try to hang on, Gary.

It... It's getting dark, Minge.

Oh, Gary, what have I got you into?

I'm seeing me life flash before me eyes... Mingey?

I'm here, Gary.

Where...where are we, Mingey? Are we in Paris?

Yeah...yah, we're in Paris, mate.

Is it as wonderful as I hoped?

It...it's beautiful. We finally made it.

Tell me what you see, Mingey.

Well, there's the...Eiffel Tower right in front of us. The Louvre right over there, behind you, and fresh baguettes all around.

Ah, I can smell them, Mingey. At least...I got to see Paris before I...

Gary? Gary, say something! [Gary has died] YOU KILLED HIM, YOU BASTARDS!! HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT ANY PART IN THIS! [to Oprah] This is all your fault, you stupid cow! You never gave your Gary the time of day, and now he's gone! Life isn't worth living anymore! What's the use?! I'm coming to see you, Gary! [loads the gun] I'M COMING TO SEE YOU!

No! Don't!

Kyle

Dude, did Cartman just crap treasure?

Cartman

It's mine! It's mine, you hear me?! I got it out of the cave! It belongs to me! Keep your greedy hands away!

[recognises the treasure Cartman defecated] Hey, that looks like the fake treasure from our Smuggler's Den photo room.

Cartman

That's right, and I... [realises what the tour guide just said] Fake treasure?

Yeah. We put it there in the cave to get your picture with. All and all, I say that treasure is worth about $14.

Cartman

No. NOOOO!!! [Cartman defecates more of the fake treasure] OWWW! OHHHH!!!

Kyle

[angrily] You made us pull you to safety because you ate treasure?! You son of a bitch!

Cartman

DON'T YOU THINK I'M HURTING ENOUGH, KYLE?! ARGH!! ARGH!! [Cartman painfully defecates more fake treasure] OWWWW!!!

Now today we have a special guest speaker. Does anyone know who our last vice-president was?

Kyle

Dick Cheney?

No, no, the last one.

Butters

Bill Clinton?

No, Clinton's Vice President.

I've killed ManBearPig!

Cartman

If I miss dinner, I'm going to be so pissed off!

Everyone is super stoked on me, even if they don't know it.

What is that, a pigbearman?

No, stupid, it's ManBearPig.

This looks like ManBearPig central!

Kyle

It's half-man, and half-bearpig.

Cartman

No! It's half-man, half-bear, and half-pig!

Kyle

That doesn't make any sense.

Stan

It could be half-bear and half man-pig.

And that whistling sound is why we call this the Cave of the Winds.

Take a picture of the sound, Steven.