[about Family Guy] It's wrong! It's WROOONG!
S10 E3Cartoon Wars Part I
Freedom of speech is at stake here, don't you all see? If anything, we should all make cartoons of Muhammad and show the terrorists and the extremists that we are all united in the belief that every person has a right to say what they want! Look, people, it's been real easy for us to stand up for free speech lately. For the past few decades, we haven't had to risk anything to defend it. But those times are going to come, and one of those times is right now. And if we aren't willing to risk what we have, then we just believe in free speech, but we don't defend it!
Now put yourself in the shoes of a Muslim. It's Friday night, but you can't have sex, and you can't jack off. There's sand in your eyes and probably in the crack of your ass, and then some cartoon comes along from a country where people are getting laid, and mocks your prophet. Well, you know what? I'd be pretty pissed off too!
Mr. Garrison, that is ignorant and racist! Muslims are mad because of Family Guy, not because they can't jack off! Right, Wendy? [Wendy is surprised]
...Yeah.
You should like that show, your sense of humor is just like Family Guy.
[explodes] Don't you ever, ever compare me to Family Guy! You hear me, Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand!
[realizing] You unbelievable son of a bitch...you never cared about the Muslim religion or the safety of people in America, you just want Family Guy off the air!
Do you have any idea what it's like? Everywhere I go, "Hey Cartman, you must like Family Guy, right? Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman!" I am NOTHING like Family Guy! When I make jokes, they are inherent to a story! Deep, situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangeable joke after another!
CVClosing voice over
Will networks executives stand up for free speech? Or will Comedy Central puss out?
Oh my god, is that Tim McGraw?
S10 E4Cartoon Wars Part II
[after hitting Kyle over the head with a skateboard] Cowabunga, motherfucker.
I did it! I...am...GOD!
What's the worst thing you've ever done?
I stole the head off a statue once.
Wow, that's pretty hardcore. Jeez. That's like this one time when I didn't like a kid, so I ground his parents up into chili and fed it to him.
[Bart looks shocked]
I'll use this situation to get Family Guy cancelled. I use fear to manipulate people to do my bidding.
Uh, isn't that like terrorism?
Dude, it's not like terrorism! It is terrorism!
Cartman! You fucking fat ass!
How the hell did you get out?
That kid and I had a long talk. I told him he was on a slippery slope to becoming a monster like you!
Oh, goddamn it! You gave him one of your gay little speeches, didn't you?
Well, Kyle, I guess it was inevitable.
[Cartman and Kyle take their gloves off, stare at each other, and engage in a slap fight]
Ow! Kyle, stop it! No, Kyle, that's too hard!
Look, the fact of the matter is, the Family Guy writing staff is protected by something called the First Amendment.
R1Reporter 1
And what exactly is this First Amendment, Mr. President?
You know...right to free speech.
[Many of the reporters groan loudly and begin yelling]
R2Reporter 2
Mr. President, when your administration came up with this First Amendment, did it not foresee a problem like this might happen?
Well, we didn't come up with the First Amendment. It was already in place.
R3Reporter 3
What do you intend to do about this First Amendment, Mr. President?
R4Reporter 4
Forgive me, Mr. President, but this First Amendment sounds like a lot of bureaucratic jibbery-jroo.
[in a meeting with Terrance and Phillip]
Alright, just what the hell is going on here?!
You censored out the image of Muhammad in our television special!
NPNetwork President
Ey! You guys know the rules! Nobody can show the image of Muhammad anymore! It's dangerous!
But you ruined the whole show!
NPNetwork President
Look, I'm not gonna risk the lives of the people at this network. Let's just forget about it, okay, guys? [farts and laughs. Terrance and Phillip look hard at him, their arms crossed] Aw, come on guys, give me a break.
We demand you rerun Mystery at the Lazy "J" Ranch with Muhammad uncensored!
CPCBC President
Ey, I make the rules, not you guys! And if you ask me, your show has become so preachy and full of morals that you have forgotten how to be funny! No Muhammad!
TTerrence
Hello, Muhammad, we've read all about you in the Qur'an.
MMuhammad
I'm here to investigate a murder.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.