AGAl Gore
I can get you all excused from school.
You...have that kind of power?
S10 E6ManBearPig
Stan or Kyle: What do ManBearPig droppings look like?
AGAl Gore
Kind of like pig droppings, but more man-bear like.
AGAl Gore
Excelsior!
AGAl Gore
Kids, I saved you.
Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends. But now I see why you don't have any friends. You just use ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a loser!
AGAl Gore
Yeah, right. The man that singlehandedly killed ManBearPig is a loser.
AGAl Gore
I am here to educate you about the single biggest threat to our planet. You see, there is something out there which threatens our very existence, and may be the end to the human race as we know it. I'm talking, of course, about ManBearPig. It is a creature which roams the Earth alone. It is half man, half bear, and half pig. Some people say that ManBearPig isn't real. Well, I'm here to tell you now, ManBearPig is very real, and he most certainly exists. I'm cereal. ManBearPig doesn't care who you are or what you've done. ManBearPig simply wants to get you. I'm super cereal. But have no fear, because I am here to save you. And someday, when the world is rid of ManBearPig, everyone will say, "Thank you, Al Gore! You're super awesome!" The end.
AGAl Gore
I'm super cereal.
AGAl Gore
Why does nobody believe that I'm cereal?
CRCave Ranger
Okay, fellow tourists. Here in this cave we can see some stalagmites and stalactites. Over here we have the "Hanging Mushroom" [shows penis made out of rock], and this one we call "Man with Helmet and Two Bowling Balls" [shows penis and testicle combo], and over here we have "the Two Sisters." [shows two penis & testicle combos]
S10 E7Tsst
I just...I really need the support of my best friend right now.
Who's your best friend?
You are, Jimmy! We've always been best friends! We know everything about each other!
What's my last name?
[pause] Goddamn it.
Goddamn it, Mom! I'm your son and you will listen to me!
CMCesar Millan
TSST!
Alright, I'll stay with Kenny. Let's go, man.
Fuck you.
I'm serious. Let's put down the video game and go to the kitchen.
[in British accent] No thanks, I'd rather naught.
It's the time-out stool. You can't get down until the time is up.
[looks at her, then hops off the stool] Whoa, how did I do that?
You're sterile, is that it? No, that's too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you. Isn't that it? Always the mom's maid and never the mom? Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away, your friends all getting married, and all the while your uterus is slowly shriveling away, drying up, becoming totally worthless.
[horrified] Why, you...you LITTLE BASTARD! How dare you?!
[calmly] Eric, naughty.
[picking Cartman up by the collar] What kind of monster would--
Yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can! But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!
That's it! I'm not doing this!
Oh, but we really need some help.
Find yourself another nanny... television show!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.