Family Guy Season 16 quotes

Lois

And Meg, I hope you learned your lesson about drinking.

Meg

Yeah. I think I'd rather live my life as a loser than feel bad once in a while.

Lois

Well, I hope you know that you're our loser.

Meg

Thanks, Mom.

Chris

First, I need you to take down last year's Christmas lights and put up this year's Christmas lights.

Peter

Oh, my God! I'm dead! How?!

You died from a fire started by your MILF on a shelf.

Peter

[in old age, to Scott] Scott...I'm finally ready to hear the specials.

Peter

A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter. A loaf of milk, a container of bread, and a Joe Dirt DVD. A Joe Dirt DVD, Scarlett Johansson, and treasure from a fish tank.

Peter

[after shaking hands with the Boo Berry mascot at the store] I've been touched by greatness! I am never washing this hand again! This is the best thing to happen to me since I became a wise-cracking, fourth-wall-breaking superhero! [cutaway to Peter on a highway, dressed in a blood-red mercenary outfit] Call me "Redstool." The treatment didn't give me powers, but it did spread cancer to my anus.

Just call me anus of the morning, anus/Just touch my cheek before you leave me, anus/This violence juxtaposed to music, anus/Decapitation in slow-motion, anus

Stewie

See? I guess we do know each other a bit.

You seem like a very lonely little boy.

Stewie

[in tears] Oh my God, I am! I'm so lonely! [cries] You can see inside my soul!

Holmes, there's something I have to tell you. I'm getting...

[cutting him off] I deduce, Watson, that you're getting married!

I just said that.

Yes, but I had deduced it first.

He's got a gun! Look out, Stew ... Holmes! God, this is gonna be so annoying.

[reads Peter's hat] USS Nathan James?

Peter

Yes, sir. Boats, military, sir.

The Nathan James is the fictitious ship on TNT's The Last Ship, starring Adam Baldwin and Jocko Sims.

...and Man.

Cleveland

Uh-oh.

Jerome

You guys would look after this place for me?

Peter

Of course, running a bar has always been my dream! Well, that, and waking up a rooster. [Cuts to Peter slowly sneaking up on a rooster sleeping on a fence] AARRRGH! [The rooster wakes up and falls off of the fence.] Enjoy the rest of your Saturday.

Vick!

And Eli Manning!

I didn’t know that about you.

Oh yeah, I’m a real idiot psychopath.

[On the bottom of the screen] This isn’t true, but Patriots fans write this show.

Peter

For 60 years, Sunday has meant God, football, and Family Guy, and later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.

[in Ollie Williams's body] I'm standing here for some reason doing the weather in a giant black man's body. What kind of a Friday is this?

[in Tricia's body] FREAKY!

Back to you, Tom.

[in Tom Tucker's body] This just in: all kids report to the blue van in the park at 3 pm for free popsicles!

Stewie

Brian, hurry!

Stewie, I'm in Chris' body. I'm dragging 230 pounds of lard up a ladder.

Chris

I'm 215, you liberal dickweed!