Family Guy · Season 16
Remember, Peter. Never walk anywhere when you can ride something weird instead.
What's that? Sorry, I was too busy taking a selfie while shooting a Snapchat while periscoping that Snapchat while Instagramming latte art while Shazaming the Weeknd while streaming Master of None retweeting George Takei while saying, "This wins the Internet!" while still being #sooobored. Hammer? Hammer? Come on, man. Don't make me look up from my phone.
And now back to Marvel's The Offenders.
(dressed as Nick Fury) Good morning, ya see. I gathered you all here together: Kevin Spacey, Roman Polanski- hey, hey, hey- Woody Allen, Steven Seagal, Matt Lauer, with the pudding pop... [Lauer poses at Cosby] Brett Ratner, and you, lesser-known offender James Toback.
[in a Hulk-like voice, lumbering in wearing a barely-covering bathrobe] Don't forget me! Harvey shower.
Uh, I...is Matt Damon coming?
No, but he knows about all of us. He's... very aware of what's goin' on here, ya see.
I can't believe it. This is horrible. What am I gonna do?
[Peter prepares to meet his end and says goodbye to the family]
If anything were to happen to me, Lois, I'll miss you more than Life...the cereal, but not the board game which I quite enjoy.
Ok.
And Meg, I'm sorry I'll never get a chance to walk you down the aisle...at Costco to furnish your sad, single-lady apartment.
[sarcastically] Thanks, Dad.
And Stewie, it kills me that I'll never see you become a man...-loving twink.
Is anyone gonna stop him?
And Chris, whenever you're feeling defeated, I want you to always reach for the Stars...-ky and Hutch DVD that fell behind the entertainment center. Sorry, you were the last one.
What about me?
You're a dog.
[offscreen] Well, I’m good.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
