Herbert quotes from Family Guy

[After Franz has been killed by his fall] Say good night, you Nazi bastard...

All right, children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after you for the next couple days, so I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussin', clean ya plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then it's off to bed.

Chris

Well, that sucks.

And don't you mouth off to me, or I'm gonna slap you right in ya penis.

Chris

Hi, Dad. I'm Chris. I'm your son.

Peter

Never seen you before in my life.

Chris

Really? Then I must be invisible! [takes off his clothes and runs outside] Hey, everybody! I'm invisible!

Oh, no, you're not! Hot diggity!

Maybe I can help you out.

You'd do that for me?

Sure! Right after my favorite show.

Coming up next: To Catch a Predator Who's Proud of Being a Predator.

Good evening, sir, I'm Chis Hansen with Dateline. Do you know the boy you were coming here to meet tonight is only 13 years old?

No, I drove 900 fucking miles for a 14-year-old!

Chris

No way! That was the last thing on your list! I can't do this anymore.

Meg

Well, you should have thought of that before you stole money out of mom's purse. I own you. Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go down town and get my stuff from my P.O box.

Chris

Y...You don't get your mail here?

Meg

No. I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.

Chris

Like what?

Meg

Like I'm part of a group that kinda trashes Anne Frank's house every year.

Chris

You know what? No. That's it! I'm no...I'm not doing anymore of your crap, Meg.

Meg

Chris, don't you see? You have no choice. I'll just go tell mom and dad about the money, and they'll ground your ass for a YEAR!

Chris

I don't care! Tell em'! 'Cause I'm not gonna be here! I'm gonna run away and no one will ever see me again!

Meg

Good! Go! And who's even gonna miss you? You're just a little thief!! Where ya goin' Chris? Who are you gonna turn to? You don't even have any friends!

Chris

Hi, I ran away from home. Do you mind if I live with you?

Live with me?! My goodness, I feel like I want to pinch myself to see if I'm dreamin'! [Herbert pinches his right arm, which bruises all over the arm] Hot dog! It's real!

Chris

Sorry!

You really know how to waste a Cialis, don't you?

[in Ollie Williams's body] I'm standing here for some reason doing the weather in a giant black man's body. What kind of a Friday is this?

[in Tricia's body] FREAKY!

Back to you, Tom.

[in Tom Tucker's body] This just in: all kids report to the blue van in the park at 3 pm for free popsicles!