[while Peter, Quagmire and Joe are about to skydive]
Whoa, is that Harrison Ford?
Yeah, it said in the brochure that he assists with all the jumps.
FFord
[while throwing the passengers off the plane] Get off my plane! Get off my plane! Get off my plane!
Oh look, he even brought Calista Flockhart with him.
["Calista" is revealed to be a piece of paper flying in the wind]
Uh, Peter, I think that's just a piece of paper.
FFord
[throws Peter out the plane] Get off my plane! [throws Quagmire out the plane] Get off my plane! [throws Joe off his wheelchair and out the plane] Get off my plane!
[the phone rings]
[it's Peter]:
Yes, Peter. God, where are you? I can barely hear you.
Pull back my chair ever so slightly.
[Lois complies and Peter crashes through the ceiling of the house]
[at the Angry Birds mobile game]
[crashes through the obstacles, clearing the pigs] Go, go, go, go, go, go...oh, he so should've died!
I just don't think he could have done it. Guilty!
[Quagmire whispers in his ear]
Oh, guilty is the other one? [exasperated] Well, I don't know.
[The Griffin family are all taking a bath together]
Peter, how long do we have to sit here?
Until I'm not angry anymore, you naked bitches!
[The Griffins are greeting their new neighbors who have moved into Cleveland's old house]
SSStan Smith
Hello, neighbors!
SStan
How do you do? I'm Stan Smith. Please, come in.
[The Griffins walk inside to meet the rest of the Smith family]
FFrancine
Oh, I'm so glad everyone could make it.
RRoger
[entering the room] Stan, I need $50. They’re selling a biopsy of Celine Dion's uterus on Ebay.
The hell kind of dog is that?
RRoger
[points to Meg] I was gonna ask the same thing.
SStan
Oh, uh, that's our alien, Roger. He lives in our attic, but nobody can know! And don't tell anybody about our attic.
[Peter’s phone rings and he answers]
Hello. Oh, hey, Quagmire! Hey, you're not gonna believe this, I'm over here with Joe, and he's got a space alien…
[Stan suddenly shoots Peter dead.]
SGSmith and Griffin Family (except Peter and Stan)
AAAAAAH!
[scene cuts to Peter struggling to sleep in bed]
Peter, wake up! You're having a nightmare.
[waking up] Oh! Oh, Lois! Thank God it was just a dream.
HHHank Hill
[exiting the bathroom] Hey! Lois, what's that fat man doing in our bed?!
[scene cuts to Hank waking up in bed next to a sleeping Peggy]
HHank
[sigh] Dammit! I always wake up before I find out if they can understand the baby.
[in a deep voice] I even won a deep voice contest with Joe.
[in a deep voice] I heard you coming.
Where have you come from?
I've come from where I've been.
You still riding with that mangy polecat, Fletcher?
Fletcher met the long arm of the law at the wrong end of a shotgun in the deep end of a grave at the far end of a dead-end road.
There's only one drinking spot for us and it's the Clam.
But Peter, it's closed. We can't go in there.
Quagmire, when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex with you, do you take that as an answer?
[a man whispers into Quagmire's ear]
My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question.
You guys. I think this is a meth lab.
Oh my god. Do you mean like as in D-R-U-G-S? Aren't those I-L-L-E-G-A-L?
What's going on? What are you guys talking about?
Uh-oh, someone's getting cranky. [picks up Stewie] I think he needs an N-A-P.
What's happening? Where are you taking me? Man, I got to crack this code.
LSLucky Stewie
Okay, come on. You look nothing like your photo in the ad.
LSLoan Shark Enforcer
[pulls out a gun] Shut up and give me the money!
LBLucky Brian
What?! What the hell are you talking about?
LSLucky Stewie
Okay, I'm starting to think you're not Apollo.
LSLoan Shark Enforcer
You bastards think that you can just borrow a bunch of money from a loan shark and then waste it on tacky suits?!
LSLucky Stewie
"Tacky"? Sir, I'll have you know I bought this in the lobby of a casino!
LBLucky Brian
Don't shoot! You must have us confused with someone else. We didn't borrow any money, I swear!
LSLoan Shark Enforcer
Sounds like someone wants to die!
LBLucky Brian
No! Stewie, just give him the money from the backpack!
LSLucky Stewie
Okay, okay! Don't shoot! [unzips the unlucky pair's backpack] What? It's empty! It's just Cheerios and coloring books!
LBLucky Brian
What?! Where the hell is the money?!
LSLucky Stewie
Sir, we can't give you any money, but if you have some milk and a bowl, we can give you a healthy way to start your day.
LSLoan Shark Enforcer
Alright, enough of this! You, dog - pick which one of you two is gonna die!
LBLucky Brian
What?! You can't ask me to decide something like that! The life of every being is sacred, just like the life of -
LSLoan Shark Enforcer
Fine! I'll kill you!
LBLucky Brian
No, no! [points at Stewie] Kill him! He's a baby! He won't even remember he was alive!
LSLucky Stewie
You son of a -
[The Loan Shark Enforcer shoots Stewie in his forehead]
LBLucky Brian
Aaah! Stewie!
LSLoan Shark Enforcer
Now give us the money borrowed!
Alright, that's it, Peter, we've gotta do something about that awful breath. I'm making an appointment and you are going to the dentist.
Jeesh, you are not gonna let this go, are ya. You're as stubborn as a four-hour erection.
[Cutaway to a guy in bed]
MMan
Well, she's long gone. [lifts his sheet to talk to his erection] So, uh, you can go, too.
EErection
Oh no. You got me for another three-and-a-half hours, pal. Go ahead, seek medical attention. I'm not going anywhere.
MMan
You can't stay! I'm chaperoning my daughter's Girl Scout dinner in 45 minutes!
EErection
Well, tuck me into your waistband and try not to pee up your shirt.
Oh, look who's back; the grave robber.
So, what happened? Did you find your treasure?
No, I realized something after you left; It's not the treasure that matters. All that matters is the money you get in exchange for the treasure. I guess I had to learn that the hard way.
Hey, I'm home! I got groceries.
Yeah, I was driving past there and we were out of some stuff, so I- [Gets tackled by Lois]
You listen to me you son of a bitch! I've got one thing in this lifetime... ONE THING! [Punches Peter]
You always say I never do anything around here!!
YEAH, I LIKE SAYING THAT MORE THAN I LIKE YOU DOING THINGS...
Dad, I got the rest from a car. Where-
CHRIS, RUN! YOU ARE RIGHT, SHE DIDN'T APPRECIATE IT!
Oh crap! [runs off but Lois throws a can out of the house and it hits him off-screen.] OW!
That's Right... I DO GROCERIES.
