Dick Casablancas quotes from Veronica Mars

(catches Veronica whispering to Meg) Veronica, you seem to be in a sharing mood. Why don't you tell us your position on this?

Dick

All fours.

Meg

What did you score?

Ugh, 91...

Dick

Dude, Snow White took it and scored an 89!

Dick

Uh-oh, someone's got their eye on that Miss White Trash title.

Beaver

Yeah, and making a solid effort in the talent competition, but I'd like to see that car up on some cinder blocks.

Logan

Guys, come on.

Veronica

I know... "Guys, come on! The talent is making a grilled cheese sandwich on the engine block." "Guys, come on, you can't put your car up on blocks in the yard if you don't have a yard."

Veronica

You know I think I can do both sides of this little act now.

Veronica

So how 'bout next time you don't bother; I got it covered.

Dick

Look at that. Beaver's getting all the love, and Dick's flapping out in the breeze.

Please. You have like, the hottest girlfriend ever.

Dick

Much like fake boobs - great to look at, but they don't do as much as you'd like them to.

Dick

[upon seeing Veronica] Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called My Skank.

Logan

Goodbye, Dick.

Dick

What?

Logan

Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno. That's pretty much a general invitation. If you don't like my girlfriend, then start heading towards the big rectangle with the knob.

When I'm working, my family doesn't exist. Sound awful?

Logan

Mmm, no.

It's not. 'Cause when I'm with my family, work doesn't exist.

Logan

Yeah, I think my dad has a similar philosophy. Of course, he's a murderer, so...

Dick

Dude. My stepmom?

Logan

I am a total piece of crap.

Dick

Better you than the cable guy, I guess. And I'd be lying to say if I've never perved on your mom while she was prancin' around the pool in that hardly there bikini of hers.

Logan

Great. So...no hard feelings?

Dick

No, she gave me a few.

All right, people, pair up. You each have a piece of paper with an STD on it. You have to inform your partner that you have said STD.

Veronica

All right, Gia, we can be partners, but no glove, no love.

Dick

Yeah, let's get the dried-up divorcée to teach us about sex.

Gia

I heard her husband left her for a man.

Dick

And now we get bitchy and bitter for a year.

Gia

Mrs. Hauser, mine's wrong. Isn't this a flower?

No, Gia. Chlamydia is not a flower.

Gia

Well, we have it on, like, a trellis at our beach house.

Veronica

Your trellis is a whore.

Logan

What's the word?

Dick

The one they call Bootsy told me "no" and went on to suggest I perform sexual intercourse upon my own person.

Logan

Doesn't he understand? If you could do that, you'd never come to school.

Dick

Boy, that's the truth.

Lamb

What do you mean by, "it smelled"?

Dick

Dude, it smelled - like the ass of something that died.

Lamb

And you can't say what it was?

Dick

I'm not, like, a professional smellologist.

Dick

I am so good at this game, bro.

Logan

Shooting in a clown's mouth. Your future's bright, Dick.

Dick

Dude, why are lesbians, like, so pissed off all the time? Let your freak flag fly, ladies!

Veronica

How progressive of you, Dick.

Dick

Damn, what is it with you? Do you follow me around for fun, or what?

Veronica

Would it help if I started making out with my girlfriend in the hall?

Dick

Yeah! Obviously. But look, I'll fix your car, whatever. You gotta learn to leave me alone.

Veronica

And here I thought we were getting to be pals.

Dick

Please. You date Logan, he's nailed for murder. You date Duncan, he's wanted for kidnapping. You get put on Robbie and Hunter's jury, they get sent to Chino. You're like rich-dude Kryptonite, Veronica. This rich dude wants no part of it.

Dick

Dude! So we hanging this weekend or that chick still have your sack locked up in her Easy-Bake Oven?

Logan

Actually, I am now a free man.

Dick

The way we should be, man.

Logan

"We"? What happened to Madison?

Dick

[scoffs] Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature.

Logan

Where, Legoland?

Dick

Pfft. Whatever, man. Maturity is like one of the two most overrated things on the planet.

Logan

The other being?

Dick

Chicks.

Logan

Oh, so this worked out great for you.

Dick

Dude, why do you think I'm in such a great mood? Screw it. This weekend, you and me are partying like Ozzy.

Logan

Mr. Wu must really like his egg-drop soup.

Dick

Uh, does this assignment come with [Chinese accent] pot stickah?

Students! This experiment is a major test grade. For some of you, [looking at Dick] it means passing this class or not.

Dick

[to Logan] Dude, is Mr. Wu hitting on me?

Okay, people, that does it. I'm assigning your partners alphabetically. Dick, I think it's a bad idea for you and Mr. Echolls to be working together.

Dick

So bad, it's good?

No.

Dick

[to Logan] God, I don't know how I'm gonna quit you. Shh! It's not me, it's Wu.

Logan

Who are you taking to the Alterna-Prom?

Dick

Well, I considered a lot of chicks, but finally, I figured I'd just go stag. I mean, it's not the prom. It's the Alterna-Prom. Why narrow my options?

Logan

Shot down, huh?

Dick

It's like a conspiracy.

Logan

It's a good thing we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in school knows you.

Dick

Bring on the sorority girls!