Weevil Navarro quotes from Veronica Mars

Weevil

Sometimes the girls get put off by this old motorcycle jacket thing. Do you think something in suede might make me seem more... accessible?

Logan

They teach you manners in ESL?

Weevil

If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?

Logan

If you "was gonna"?

Ah, alas, you both get zeroes. No talking during tests.

Logan

I guess Mrs. Daniels ain't giving it up at home, huh?

You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?

Logan

[sarcastically] Please say "high school English teacher." Please...say "high school English teacher." [Weevil snickers]

Mr. Navarro. I wonder if you'll find Mr. Echolls so amusing ten years from now - when you're pumping his gas.

Veronica

[tilts head] Hey.

Weevil

See, there you go with that head tilt thing. You know, you think you're all bad-ass, but whenever you need something, it's all [mimics Veronica's head tilt] "Hey."

Veronica

Just be glad I don't flip my hair. I'd own you.

This is ridiculous.

Yeah, I usually get six figures for this.

What about you?

Weevil

I'm the one who got his money stolen.

Mmm, I'm thinking... crabs?

Weevil

I told your mother to clean up.

Logan

Guys, play nice.

Weevil

Trust me. I'm playing nice.

Weevil

You want a sodee pop or something?

Veronica

You know? I think I want something with a little more kick. (grabs Duncan's bottle of Jack Daniels)

Hey, no.

Weevil

Damn girl!

Veronica

Hmm, iced tea. How very musical theater of you.

Logan

My only concern is property values going down if anyone sees you in my house without a leaf blower or a skimmer.

Weevil

You're concerned? I'm the one who's got to go up into the hills all by myself. What if I run into a pack of you white boys on some clean, well-lit street? I could be bored to death!

Weevil

If you're looking for my trophy, it's back by auto shop.

Veronica

Lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hub caps?

Weevil

Is this 1970? Rims, baby.

Veronica

So you got a trophy for a rim job?

Weevil

Forget it. Look, I got some information for you.

Veronica

Finally! A Deep Throat to call my own.

Weevil

I'm not going to touch that one.

Weevil

Wait a minute. You went to a pet store and took a picture of yourself with a parrot so people would think you were cool?

Yeah. All right?

Weevil

That's this close [uses thumb and finger to illustrate] to taking a hot cousin to your prom. Go home.

You are having sex with my daughter?

Weevil

Not right now.

Logan

You do not want to start today with me, Paco.

Weevil

Are you sure? It was in my day planner under "Goals."

Weevil

Sister. The only time I care what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. Even then, it's not so much words, just a bunch of "oohs" and "ahs" you know?

Veronica

So it's big, huh?

Weevil

Legendary.

Veronica

Well , let's see it. I mean if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend. [bats eyes and gasps] We could go to prom together. What? What seems to be the problem? I'm on a schedule here, vato.

Weevil, don't let blondie talk to you like that.

Veronica

Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too.

Oh, hell, I'll show you mine!

Felix Toombs. What on God's green Earth is going on here? All right, gentleman, move along. [Weevil, Felix and others leave] Veronica, why does trouble follow you around? [Clemmons leaves]

Weevil

Yo, Martha. I heard you took a ride downtown behind the 187. So did you flop for the cops or did the local Wapner hook you up with some ankle bling?

Veronica

You know the deal, cuz. Every time some kitty cries in this town, one-time tries to put a call on me. Speaking of bling, what's up with the hoops? If I rub your head, do I get three wishes?

Weevil

You rub my head, and you might want to make seeing tomorrow your first wish.

Weevil

Look, should I be expecting a visit from Lamb? If I know I'm being brought in, I'll put on my good underwear, you know?

Veronica

You should really do that anyway.

Logan

I hope that tape didn't burn too much when they ripped it off. I hear that can leave some chafing.

Weevil

You made the wrong play, dawg. I shouldn't let you live for what you pulled.

Logan

What I pulled? Hang on, compadre, let's recap. You blasted a shotgun through my car with me inside.

Weevil

That wasn't me.

Logan

You torched my house. Then your masked bandidos played Russian Roulette with my hand. Okay, my math says that you still owe me.

Weevil

I thought you killed Felix.

Logan

Well, I didn't.

Weevil

Yeah, I pretty much know that now.

Logan

Oh, are you waiting for the music to swell before you start the apology?

Weevil

We have something in common now. We both need to find out who killed Felix.

Logan

So what, we team up? Get matching capes? I ride shotgun in the sidecar?

Weevil

Something like that, but not yet. See, I can't let you leave here looking the way you did when you walked in. Not if I don't want to end up some bald guy with tattoos who rides the school bus.

Logan

Well, I hope you don't just expect me to stand here and take it.

Weevil

Wouldn't be much fun if you did.

Logan

So who's going to throw the first - [bell rings, Weevil punches first and they all-out fight]