Cliff McCormack quotes from Veronica Mars

Veronica

Can I get you some coffee? A donut? Baked good of some sort?

Aren't we pleasant. You're not going to try to sell me a raffle ticket, are you?

Veronica

Close. I want you to get me onto death row to meet with Abel Koontz.

You crazy kids! The stuff you're into. Hula hoops, cramming into phone booths, visiting death row inmates...what's it gonna be next month?

Veronica

[in jail] Know any good lawyers?

Very cute. I know an adequate one that just posted your $500 bail.

Veronica

They take Diner's Club here?

Tell me this is a joke. You want to sue the Kane family?

Keith

Yes.

Please tell me there's another Kane family in town. Maybe a Boris and Gilda Kane?

Logan

So, my tax dollars at work. Where were you? Getting thirds at the Crazy Girls lunch buffet?

Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your 'if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney' attorney. So. What are you trying to prove?

Logan

Um...my innocence?

No. I mean with this 'poor little rich boy' stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness' story holds, you are going to trial.

Logan

Hmm. The guy's lying.

June 27th: you gave testimony saying that you couldn't remember a thing. Now, he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body.

Logan

And what exactly did I say, huh?

"The [expletive] [racial expletive] had it [maternal expletive] coming."

It's called self-surrender. At the negotiated time - five days hence - Wallace Fennel will turn himself into the Neptune sheriff's department, who will oversee his transfer to the Chicago police.

Wallace

What if I'm not there?

Then they'll issue a warrant, you'll be arrested, probably found guilty, and end up "married" to some enormous murderer named Tiny. My advice? Be punctual.

Veronica

Or prove your innocence.

Or that. Suit yourself.

They've set a trial date sixty days from today.

Logan

Whatever will I wear?

The D.A. is offering a one-time deal, a plea bargain.

Logan

I'm not interested.

You should be. They're talking involuntary manslaughter. That brings your maximum sentence down from eleven years to four. With good behavior - if you could muster some - you'd be out in half that.

Logan

[incredulous] Two years?

Logan, [sighs] let me remind you the prosecution has witnesses. The good kind - eyewitnesses.

Logan

Cholo lowlives and a lying cokehead plastic surgeon.

A prominent, well-respected cokehead doctor. And how many jurors you think we can find in Neptune who haven't been exposed to your winning charm in the "Tinseltown Diaries"? Jurors love convicting smug, rich boys - it's a fact. I've asked around - and I hope this isn't news to you, but no one likes you.

Logan

Even if I had stabbed Felix, which I didn't, it would've been self defense. I got jumped by a gang. Argue that.

I plan to, but the doctor didn't see a gang. He saw three bikers, one of them bleeding to death, a knife in your hand. He'll testify that you weren't in peril when you stabbed Felix.

Logan

No deal.

Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I'll be wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-shirt.

I want to emphasize this should not be construed as coercion. We're just showing you a picture. [shows Lamb a photo of him and Madison]

Keith

That's Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter.

Lamb

[looks around, lowers his voice] So, what? This is blackmail? She's 18. That's legal.

Keith

Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election. [shows him a "campaign flyer": 18 - It's Legal! Re-Elect Don Lamb]

Who wants out of jail?

Veronica

I do! I do!