Jackie Cook quotes from Veronica Mars

Jackie

[clears throat] when you guys are done breaking up can I get a macchiatto?

Veronica

I'm actually just the hostess, but I ca-

Jackie

Look! I don't care if you're the house magician, can you just make me a macchiatto?

Veronica

[waves hands as a magician would do] You're a macchiatto.

Jackie

Look, I haven't dated a guy in high school since the eighth grade.

Wallace

I'm an old soul. Seriously, these eyes have seen things. Did I mention I'm a nice guy?

Jackie

Ah, "nice." The great panty dropper.

Wallace

Okay, I'm not that nice.

Jackie

Oh, yes you are.

Wallace

How do you know?

Jackie

Because I haven't tried to make out with you yet.

Jackie

This school genuinely sucks.

Veronica

True dat.

Madison

You want to save yourself some time? Start with her. We all saw her, lurking around.

Jackie

Lurking? Uh, you mean "standing while black"?

Jackie

You can ride with me if you want. I realize it's no bus filled with rowdy towel-snapping jocks, but it'll smell better.

Veronica

I don't know. Um... do you have room for my giant foam finger?

Jackie

I do, and I can even drop you off around the block if you're worried about being seen together.

Veronica

Yes. Please, by all means, protect my reputation.

Veronica

Please, get a room. In Australia.

Wallace

Hey, we're practicing for the prom.

Veronica

What debutante bit you and turned you into prom zombie?

Jackie

[waves] We just gave in, the whole nine yards - the ridiculous dress, the tux, lobster dinner, and limo. I mean, it happens once. Why not go all out?

Mac

Because no one sold you as an indentured servant to Butters.

Veronica

Mac, I didn't think he'd actually -

Mac

He's picking me up in a Hummer limousine, we're having dinner on a replica pirate ship, and I suspect he's hired a zeppelin for the ride home. I'm going to fill my pockets with rocks, get a good grip on your ankle, and I'm going to jump off the top of -

Clemmons

[over loudspeaker] Attention students: due to a significant number of alcohol related violations on the senior trip, this year's prom has been cancelled. That is all.

Mac

Yes! Prayer works!

Veronica

Okay, I have news. The senior memories once thought lost forever can, in fact, be generated after all, albeit in a slightly degraded form. The rich kids are throwing a private replacement prom.

Wallace

Damn, they just privatizing everything these days.

Jackie

[looking at invitation] Alterna-Prom? Hmm, formal attire.

Wallace

That's what I'm talking about.

Veronica

Please don't give us the tux speech again.

Wallace

What? You mean how, when I put on a tux, I make James Bond look like Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel?