Duncan Kane quotes from Veronica Mars

So, anyone read the paper today? Garfield - I mean, will he ever learn? Oh yeah, and there was this other thing: I guess Abel Koontz didn't kill Lilly. Let's open the floor for discussion on that one.

Logan

I've never taken matters into my own hand in the boys' locker room after watching the cheerleader tryouts.

Dude, you are so dead.

Lilly

Very pervy, Duncan. I'm a little impressed though.

Logan

You must drink, comrade.

Veronica

Please tell me that was before we started dating.

[drinking] Of course. I've never, um, I've never seen my parents having sex. [Lilly drinks, everyone gasps] No way, no way.

Lilly

Yeah, I went into their room to borrow Mom's black sweater.

No, just shut up.

Lilly

Mom was on top of Dad.

Oh my God, I don't wanna see this!

Lilly

Hold on a second! She was like this. Watch. She was like this. [moaning] Ohh. Ohh. [yawning] Ohh.

Lilly, that is so wrong.

Lilly

I think Dad probably thought so too.

Oh, my God. They called the cops.

Veronica

They called my dad.

Lilly

This is like, the best dance EVER.

Thanks, Dad. You know, I polled the rest of the soccer team. None of them want to see my junk.

Well, now you're covered.

Veronica

Someone stole your laptop?

There was this poker game at Logan's last night. Weevil won five grand and someone stole the money. This is his way of collecting.

Veronica

You lie down with dogs, you're gonna get fleas.

I didn't invite him.

Veronica

I wasn't talking about Weevil.

Weevil

You want a sodee pop or something?

Veronica

You know? I think I want something with a little more kick. (grabs Duncan's bottle of Jack Daniels)

Hey, no.

Great game the other night man. Eighteen points, eight assists.

Wallace

On the streets we call those dimes.

Veronica

Streets? You live on the corner of Pleasant Valley and Marigold.

Veronica, it's not your fault.

Veronica

I'm afraid that line only works in Good Will Hunting.

Careful, Logan. You're exposing your soft underbelly.

Logan

My underbelly is rock hard. It can go all night.

Veronica

It's weird that you live here. I don't want you going all 'Howard Hughes-y' on me.

I am not a shut-in. These nails? Neatly trimmed. Though, now that you mention it, I have started bottling my own urine.

Veronica

Ew.

Veronica

[reciting The Big Lebowski] I'm not Mr. Lebowski, you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the dude...so that's what you call me...either that or uh dudeness, duder, El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

Veronica, you need to stop being The Dude.

Veronica

Stoner Bowler doesn't do it for you?

A little. Only because I like the way your lips pout when you do guy voice.

Veronica

These lips? I've had them for years, I can't do a thing with them.

Logan

Seriously, though. I was reading 'The Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide,' and we should come up with, like, some kind of codeword for when you guys are feeling frisky and don't want to be disturbed.

Veronica

Like "scram"?

Logan

I was thinking..."awkward." But scram is good. Or "amscray." [Opens the door to see Kendall] You're not my grilled cheese.

Kendall

No. [Notices Veronica and Duncan sitting on the couch] iPod girl. With the waxy-eared boyfriend. Small world.

Veronica

Like this big. [gestures with her thumb and finger]

Logan

My codeword will be..."endurance."

[kisses Veronica's neck] Weren't we doing something?

Veronica

We were making out on the couch and then that happened. [points to the room Logan and Kendall just entered]

Last spring... before we broke up...

Veronica

Okay, stop, I was shown a diagram once. I know how it works. But you knew, and you didn't tell me?

This has nothing to do with us.

Veronica

Oh, no. Nothing? Your secret illegitimate child gestating in the womb of your comatose ex-girlfriend affects neither you nor me.