“Like a Virgin” · Season 1
In this episode: Veronica Mars (12), Meg Manning (4), Wallace Fennel (3), Keith Mars (2), Dick Casablancas (2), Mac Mackenzie (1), Cliff McCormack (1), Mrs. Murphy (1)
Veronica? Did you find your clothes? [looks down at the toilet to see Veronica's clothes almost flushed]
Well, does this towel make me look fat?
You need something to wear? [they walk out of school with Veronica wearing a cheerleading uniform] I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.
Is there any way to convert cyphertext to plaintext without initial knowledge of the cryptoalgorithms?
Excuse me?
I'm trying to figure out how someone could have overridden the control framework on the school server in order to access everyone's password. Can you help me?
Yeah... uh, in real life... I'm actually a gym teacher.
You ready to put the hurt on that Pythagorean theorem?
You don't even want to mess with me on that today. I just about merked my mom's crazy, no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.
That guy's sleazy, so I hope merked means something bad. You know, my dad's still got that sheriff sheen. He's great at scaring people away.
No, I got it covered. [Keith enters the room]
Seriously, you should talk to him.
Am I giving you the birds and bees again, Wallace?
[about Keith] Don't worry, it's his specialty. Busting heads and breaking hearts.
Wallace's mom had a plan, and I didn't want to overstep.
Overstepping is your main form of transportation.
Oh, God.
What?
My outbox. There's an e-mail from me to my ex-boyfriend.
Duncan Kane? [Veronica looks at Mac] You used to be all anyone gossiped about. You still are. Just... a different way. So, what does it say?
"Dear Duncan, I want you to know that I still love you very much, and I think about you constantly. Everytime I see you, my heart breaks. I need to tell you that when we were dating, I had VD. I hope you didn't catch anything from me." Am I naked? Because in my nightmares, I'm usually naked.
Listen to this. "Not that innocent? Buy the results of anyone's purity test. Ten dollars will let you know if you're dating an angel from Heaven or a hottie from Hell."
That's crazy. You can go on there and buy anyone's test?
I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of can't wait for school tomorrow.
Funny. No one's come running up to me.
It's because people are afraid of you.
Then something's working.
Getting tough? Yeah, that was good advice. And I needed that. The getting even part? You might want to rethink that one. You do have friends, Veronica.
My mom thinks I'm staying at Norman's house.
Who's Norman?
Norman is my imaginary, straight-A, Eagle Scout (does air quotes gesture) mama's boy friend.
He sounds boring for an imaginary friend.
Mom seems to like him.
(catches Veronica whispering to Meg) Veronica, you seem to be in a sharing mood. Why don't you tell us your position on this?
All fours.
Can I get you some coffee? A donut? Baked good of some sort?
Aren't we pleasant. You're not going to try to sell me a raffle ticket, are you?
Close. I want you to get me onto death row to meet with Abel Koontz.
You crazy kids! The stuff you're into. Hula hoops, cramming into phone booths, visiting death row inmates...what's it gonna be next month?
'Meg: You believe me?
Meg, you're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. If you want, I can find who posted that test for you. We'll clear your name and make somebody pay.
Really?
Unless there is a Fairy Godmother already on it.
(voice-over) I admit it, I splurged and spent 10 bucks to read my own purity test. Apparently I've pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goof-balls.
What did you score?
Ugh, 91...
Dude, Snow White took it and scored an 89!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
