“Rat Saw God” · Season 2
In this episode: Logan Echolls (5), Dick Casablancas (1), Cliff McCormack (1), Sacks (1)
Dude. My stepmom?
I am a total piece of crap.
Better you than the cable guy, I guess. And I'd be lying to say if I've never perved on your mom while she was prancin' around the pool in that hardly there bikini of hers.
Great. So...no hard feelings?
No, she gave me a few.
Sheriff would like to have a word with you.
And I'd like to be the cream filling of an Olsen twins sandwich, but...
Will you come with me, please?
If I'm under arrest, then do me the courtesy of making it all official like. [Sacks cuffs Logan.] Now that's more like it.
You're under arrest for the murder of Felix Toombs.
Ooh, I am having the weirdest déjà vu.
[Logan is picked out of a police lineup.]
Number four, step forward.
Oh wow, I'm stunned. You like me! You really like me! Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent and my publicist for always shooting me from the left side.
So, my tax dollars at work. Where were you? Getting thirds at the Crazy Girls lunch buffet?
Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your 'if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney' attorney. So. What are you trying to prove?
Um...my innocence?
No. I mean with this 'poor little rich boy' stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness' story holds, you are going to trial.
Hmm. The guy's lying.
June 27th: you gave testimony saying that you couldn't remember a thing. Now, he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body.
And what exactly did I say, huh?
"The [expletive] [racial expletive] had it [maternal expletive] coming."
[explaining the benefits of an ankle monitor] ...And the other sweet thing is that I'm in constant video contact with Martha Stewart, right?
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