“Lisa's Substitute” · Season 2
In this episode: Homer Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Martin Prince (2), Bart Simpson (1), Edna Krabappel (1), Wendell (1)
And here's comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
EWWW!!
We were gonna keep the grey one, but the mother ate her.
EWWWW!!!
Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Oh look, this is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in!
AAAHHHHHH!!!!
[excitedly] As your president, I would demand a science fiction library, featuring an ABC of the overlords of the genre: Asimov, Bester, Clarke –
What about Ray Bradbury?
[dismissively] – I'm aware of his work. [excitedly] Thank you, and keep watching the skies!
Lisa, your homework is always so neat. How can I put this? Does your father help you with it?
No. Homework's not my father's specialty.
Well there's no shame in it, I mean, my dad-
Not mine.
You didn't let me finish-
Unless the next word was "burped", you didn't have to.
Mr. Simpson, I'm going to be presumptuous. I have noticed that Lisa seems to feel she has no strong male role model.
She said that?
Well...no, she didn't say it, but, you know, she-
But you can tell, right? She looks around and sees everybody else's dad with a good education, youthful looks, and a clean credit record, and thinks, "Why me?! What did I do to deserve this fat old piece of...?!" [cries]
Mr. Simpson, you have got to be a bigger man. There is a wonderful girl's future at stake.
[perking up again] Well, if she's so wonderful, give her an A!
I am giving her an A.
Great, but don't tell her it was a favor to me. Tell her she earned it.
Mr. Simpson, she did earn it.
You are smooth, I'll give you that.
[Homer goes into Lisa's room, where she is crying, to comfort her]
Lisa, don't hold anything back. You can tell me. Are you crying because you called daddy a baboon?
[angrily] No!
Nuts. [accidentally sits on her dollhouse] D'oh! This isn't going well at all...
Look, if you just want me to forgive you-
No, no, no, I just wish I knew what to say. [opens her music box, activating it] Although maybe this music will help. Now, you lost someone special and it hurt. I'm lucky because I never lost anyone special to me. Everyone special to me is under this roof. [Lisa groans; patting her head] It's true. Now, you'll have lots of special people in your life, Lisa. There's probably some place where they all get together, and the food is real good, and guys like me are serving drinks. [sighs] Ah well, maybe I can't explain all this, but I can fix your dollhouse for you. At least I'm good at...monkey work. [smiling] You know - "monkey"? You know what I mean? [nudges her playfully]
[cheering up a bit] Yeah...
I can hold these nails in place with my tail. [chuckles and makes monkey noises]
[starting to laugh with him] You're so silly.
Gimme a banana!
I don't have any bananas!
Come on, you're holding out on me! [lifts her up and makes more monkey noises as they both keep laughing]
I'm sorry I called you a baboon, Dad.
Think nothing of it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
