Julius Hibbert quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Ooh, a bobby pin. [ducks down, letting Maude get hit by T-shirts and fall to her death]

Ned Flanders

[gasps] Maude?

Dr. Hibbert

Oh, my lord! She's dead!

Ned Flanders

[gasps]

Dr. Hibbert

Young man, you've had what we call a cardiac episode.

Comic Book Guy

Worst Episode Ever.

Dr. Hibbert

Oh, not even close. If these boys hadn't called 911, I'd be wearing that watch right now! [chuckles] Just kidding. But you would be dead.

Comic Book Guy

[to Bart] You saved my life?

Bart

Yeah. After you were so mean to us.

Comic Book Guy

So now we're even.

Dr. Hibbert

My prognosis - or is it diagnosis? Whichever. You need to avoid stress. Now what kind of work do you do?

Comic Book Guy

I run a comic book store.

Dr. Hibbert

[gasps] Oh dear Lord! We call that profession the "widow-maker"! Or we would, if any of the proprietors were married.

Dr. Hibbert

Homer, I'm afraid you've torn out your anterior cruciate ligament.

Homer Simpson

Did you say an-terior?

Dr. Hibbert

Yes.

Dr. Hibbert

You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films.

Homer

But Dr. Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp.

Dr. Hibbert

For me, the war is over!

Principal Skinner

Oh, this battle is rife with inaccuracy. Hey you dead people, stop playing cards. And Stonewall Jackson, stop roller blading!

The South will boogie again!

Dr. Hibbert

I Think Your Water Just Broke.

Will you be quiet?

Dr. Hibbert

I'm afraid that your son is in a deep coma, and may never wake up.

Homer

Well, at least he's not dead.

Dr. Hibbert

I should say so. This way, I can keep billing you!

Homer

When will Marge remember us?

Dr. Hibbert

It's hard to say. With retrograde amnesia such as this, the patient could forget years and years of her life. You just have to keep jogging her memory until it works.

Homer

Awww! Jogging?

Dr. Hibbert

I didn't say you should be jogging.

Homer

Sweet!

Dr. Hibbert

Although you should be jogging.

Homer

Aww! Jogging?

Dr. Hibbert

Homer, you have a mild back sprain. And you also ingested a dangerous quantity of grave dirt.

Homer

Well, you're always telling me that I should eat more dirt.

Dr. Hibbert

Not dirt, vegetables!

Homer

...Which grow in what?

Dr. Hibbert

To raise the money, we'll need a bond issue.

Lisa

But won't that shift a burden to your children?

Bart

No, you idiot. We just pay with another bond issue. [points to Maggie] Let her figure out someone to dump it on.

You gotta make me shorter doc.

Dr. Hibbert

[laughs] What do you mean?

I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.

Dr. Hibbert

What you're asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would perform that operation.

Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.

No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.

Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.

Largo

[screams] I look nothing like Julie Newmar!

Hibbert

You may never see a film in 3D again. [chuckles]

Homer

But the storytelling is finally catching up to the technology.

Dr. Hibbert

Someone's starting their terrible twos. [chuckles]

Maggie

Someone's having an affair with his nurse!

Dr. Hibbert

Say "Ahh!"

Maggie

Aaaahhhh-DULTERER!

I brought my stems.

Sir, this is a conference of science, technology, engineering, and math. [the points to a STEM sign]

But what about this one?

Dr. Hibbert

Dialogue on pedriatric education.

Dr. Hibbert

Homer, the results of your physical are very concerning. You're 80 pounds overweight.

Homer

I wore my socks on the scale.

Dr. Hibbert

And your cholesterol is sky high.

Homer

Go big or go home.

Dr. Hibbert

Oh, and your testosterone is just a little bit low.

Homer

[Gasps] Testosterone? That's what fuels my punching and yelling. And my undeserved confidence. Now I'll never be a quarterback slash international super spy.

Dr. Hibbert

Don't worry. Lot T is very common amongst men your age. It can be treated with a prescription drug called Vicodude.

Homer

Pill me up!