[On the phone]
I'm just really worried about your weight. Bart says that we got a call from NASA, and your gravity is pulling satellites out of their orbit.
Marge, that was a joke.
But it comes from a true place...
“E. Pluribus Wiggum” · Season 19
In this episode: Homer Simpson (3), Bart Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Marge Simpson (1), Julius Hibbert (1)
[After Homer suggests the town build a new fast-food district.]
To raise the money, we'll need a bond issue.
But won't that shift a burden to your children?
No, you idiot. We just pay with another bond issue. [points to Maggie] Let her figure out someone to dump it on.
[Maggie looks over to the side and sees that there's nobody sitting next to her. She crosses her arms in annoyance.]
Ralph can't be President! He's the dumbest person in the slowest reading group!
Lisa, being President is easy! You just point the Army and shoot!
And Ralph is only eight years old! It says in the Constitution you have to be 35!
The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the PATRIOT Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
[mockingly] Ooh, the PATRIOT Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to? [High-fives Bart.]
[An alarming amount of presidential hopefuls descend on the Simpson house when they see that the Simpsons haven't decided whom to vote for yet.]
If you haven't sprung from or aren't married to my loins, get the hell out of this house!
[All the candidates leave, except for someone hiding behind a plant.]
You too, Fred Thompson!
FTFred Thompson
But I was in Die Hard.
[scoffs] Die Hard Two!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.