A character in The Simpsons
Played by Dan Castellaneta
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Simpsons: in 1,595 of its 3,477 quotes
Most scenes with: Marge Simpson (400), Bart Simpson (338), Lisa Simpson (249)
Homer[In echo voice] Hello? Can anybody hear me?
Homer, where are you?
HomerUh... I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!
Do you see towels? If you see towels, you're probably in the linen closet again.
HomerJust a second! ... No, it's a place I've never been before!
Heh, the shower! [Patty and Selma laugh]
HomerHey!
Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert. Can you tell us what it's like in there?
HomerUm, it's like, uh... did anyone see the movie Tron?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Yes. I no. I mean, no. No.
[Frink draws a strange diagram on the wall]
Well, where's my dad?
Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology, n'gee, that Homer Simpson has stumbled into... [lights off] the third di-mension.
[switches the light on] Sorry.
[draws a square on the chalkboard] Here is an ordinary square.
Whoa, whoa! Slow down, egghead.
But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe... along the hypothetical "Z" axis there.
[gasps]
This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube, or a "Frinkahedron," in honor of its discoverer, n-gl'hey, n'hey.
Homer[in echo voice] Help me! Are you helping me? Or are you going on and on?
Oh, right. And, of course, within we find the doomed individual.
Enough of your borax, Poindexter! A man's life is at stake. We need action!
[Wiggum takes out his gun and fires into the wall]
Take that, you lousy dimension!
Homer[in echo's voice, disembodied] Help! I don't have much time.
That does it! I'm going in!
Bart! No!!
[Bart runs into the dimension, but Marge catches him and fails. He keeps running until he turns 3D too and looks around]
Cool man!
[the camera rotates and zooms out into a bird's-eye view of the green grid, Homer is nearing the edge of the green grid]
HomerOh, my God! I'm gonna be sucked into a black hole! I'm gonna be sucked into oblivion! And what's gonna become of me of the other side? I don't know!
I'll save you, Dad.
[Bart climbs onto the XYZ street sign]
I can't get any closer. You'll have to jump!
HomerPiece of cake, son.
[runs into a hole, breaks into pieces]
HomerCrap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap--
Aaaaaaaaah!
[the world exploses as Bart gets pulled back]
Bart! What happened?
Well, we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapsed on itself. But dad seemed cautiously optimistic!
Homer[in echo's voice] Craaaap!
Oh, Homie.
Be strong, Marge. I'm sure he's gone to a better place.
HomerBart and Lisa have to go to school while I get to stay ho-ome, na-na-na-na-na!
I like school.
HomerWell, why don't you live in it then?
I would if I could.
Homer"Explosion imminent". [scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented] Oh, my God! The plant's going to explode!
[At the power plant, Carl and Lenny walk past the rumbling tank without a clue]
Hey, that thing's going caca-cuckoo.
Who cares? It's Homer's problem.
HomerWait! I know! [types] Vent gas. [reading the text on the computer screen] "Pressure too high"? "Tank must be shut down manually"? [to drinking bird] Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge! [strangles it a bit] Why you... Oh, who am I kidding? It's all my fault! [the bird nods] I gotta call the plant and warn them! [grabs phone, but his index finger is so fat that it depresses several keys at once]
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.
HomerAhhh! [runs to the car] I'm going to have to shut it down myself. Fat, don't fail me now! [jumps in car; tires blow out] D'oh! [jumps on skateboard; snaps in half] Oh-oh!
[Homer is driving a stolen ice-cream truck towards the cooling tower, with several power plant employees clinging to the sides.]
HomerGet away, damn it! Run for your lives!
I'll take a rocket pop!
What can I get for thirty cents?!
HomerLet go! I've got to get to the tank! [the truck crashes and tips on its side; Homer runs out]
Heck, I can't decide without the pictures.
[Last lines of episode]
Now Homer, if there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know. [Homer looks at his family, and realizes his obesity is making life hard for them]
HomerCan you please make me thin again?
I guarantee it.
[Nighttime. Homer and Burns are out in the exercise yard. Homer strains, trying to to a sit-up.]
1. 1. 1! [throws down his megaphone in frustration] Bah! I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction.
HomerWoo-hoo!
[speaking on a large TV screen] Hello, Springfield. Sorry to divert your attention from all the big noises and shiny things. But something's been troubling me lately: television! Wouldn't our lives be so much richer if television were done away with?
What?
Surely he's not talking about VH1.
Why, we could revive the lost arts of conversation...and scrimshaw. Thus I submit to you, we abolish television...permanently!
HomerGo back to Massachusetts, pinko!
Oh, and one more thing-- I've stolen a nuclear weapon. And if you do not rid this city of television in two hours, I will detonate it. Farewell. [Bob cuts the link, then turns it back on] By the way, I'm well aware of the irony of appearing on TV in order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out.
[voiceover] A few years back, Bart was adopted by Mr. Burns. In this very special outtake, Homer attempts a reconciliation with his estranged son. Watch.
[Deleted scene from Burns' Heir.]
HomerBart, you're coming home!
I wanna stay here with Mr. Burns!
[threateningly] I suggest you leave immediately.
HomerOr what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead: Do your worst!
"My worst," eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons!
[Smithers pulls a lever on the side of the house. A door on the side of the stairs slides up, revealing a pear-shaped robot in a tank top and short-shorts with Richard Simmons' hair and voice. The robot walks up to Homer]
Come on, big boys! Shake the butter off those buns!
[A speaker slides out the side of his head, blaring "Shake Your Booty" by K.C. and the Sunshine Band. The robot begins disco dancing and Homer tries to back away from him; Homer then runs screaming from Burns' manor; as Burns, Bart, and Smithers keep watching, they turn and find the robotic Simmons right next to them, still dancing and still playing "Shake Your Booty"]
Come on, come on, now. Shake, shake, shake. [continues dancing]
Smithers, he's out of control!
I'll take him out, sir. [extracts his shotgun from his jacket pocket and shoots the robot square in the eye; the blown out eye reforms and the robot continues dancing, only this time, the music is warped and the robot begins shaking violently]
His ass is gonna blow!
[Smithers, Burns, and Bart run screaming back into the house as the Robotic Simmons explodes, his head landing miles away at the mansion's front gate].
Buy me Bonestorm or go to Hell!
BART!
HomerYoung man, in this house we use a little word called "please".
What's the matter with your face? Is that a fake nose? Are you wearing chin putty?
I don't have to listen of these wild allegations! [nose putty falls off and lands near Santa's Little Helper. He eats it]
[removes the chin putty and hat off Bart] Please, Bart, no more pranks. It would mean so much to me if we could have just one nice family photo.
[She shows Bart three of their last Christmas photos with his previous misbehaviors: one with Bart making a cross-eyed funny face, another with Bart using a comb to simulate a Hitler mustache, and a third with Bart holding a cardboard speech bubble that reads, "I stink!" next to Homer.]
HomerHey, I don't remember saying that!
[Marge exits the bathroom and joins Homer who's wearing half-moon glasses. He has found a proper punishment for Bart, while she is still distraught by his shoplifting at Try 'n' Save.]
HomerI've figured out the boy's punishment. First, he's grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Second, no egg nog. In fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.
I always thought I understood my special little guy, but somewhere along the road, his hand slipped away from mine.
[looks at a handprint of "Bart, age 4"]
HomerEhh, what are you going to do?
[Marge looks over Homer's notepad, which reveals a drawing of a robot cooking a hot dog over a flaming trash can. Still, she is depressed over the whole shoplifting episode.]
[pause] Mmm. He's not my little baby anymore. Maybe I mother him too much.
[Brodka yanks Bart by the collar of his suit as the picture is being taken and takes him to the side. He is extremely angered at the boy for violating their deal in returning to the store.]
I thought I told you. Don't Return For Busted Merchandise.
HomerWhat are you doing to my son?!
I'm afraid your son broke the 11th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Steal.
Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck.
Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
Homer[on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Homer, watch your mouth!
HomerAw, I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening. [hangs up]
Bart SimpsonNancy Cartwright · 792 quotes
Marge SimpsonJulie Kavner · 677 quotes
Lisa SimpsonYeardley Smith · 585 quotes
MSMoe Szyslak164 quotes
Mr. BurnsHarry Shearer · 140 quotes
Ned FlandersHarry Shearer · 107 quotes
MVMilhouse Van Houten97 quotes
Krusty the ClownDan Castellaneta · 81 quotes
NMNelson Muntz79 quotes
WSWaylon Smithers73 quotes
Chief WiggumHank Azaria · 72 quotes
Principal SkinnerHarry Shearer · 66 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
