Narrator quotes from Hell's Kitchen

As LA tries to get up to speed, over in the blue kitchen...

J! Where's the other scallop?

Right here, chef.

Have you seen this shit?

Disastrous, isn't it?

I have had enough. [calls the blue team] Come here, you! Leave it here, PUT THAT DOWN! You, come here! You come here!

Yes, chef.

What is that? What IS that? What is that? That's us at our best, WHAT IS IT? Wait, it gets better. Look, touch that!

It's rubber, chef.

T-Oh, my GOD! Unbelievable-- [J goes to touch one of the scallops, and Ramsay knocks his hand away] No, no no no, NO! NO! [throws a scallop onto the floor and faces J towards the door] GET OUT! OUT, OUT, OUT! GET OUT! OUT, GET OUT! Take your jacket off, and FUCK OFF!

(interview) I guess I don't belong here, so... I'll be going home. I'm here for a reason, and it's my boy and my wife, so of course I'm disappointed. It was a tough day. (in the dorms) Oh...that's fucked up bro. (interview) My dream when I came to Hell's Kitchen was to win. So, uh, now it's time to move on and get my own restaurants going. You know, I don't need Chef Ramsay's opinion anymore, I've got it. [entering the taxicab] Tomorrow's another day! Let's do it. (interview) It's time for J Maxwell to do his own thing.

It's over an hour into dinner service, and while Ben and Lacey struggle to get out entrées...

I need you right now.

You need to put me on something easier than fucking wellingtons.

Robert has managed to handle the appetizers on his own.

C'mon, guys! Let's fucking do it!

Let's go, move! We got this!

Come on guys, keep pushing! (interview) All I heard was "RRRRRIIIP!"

(to Gordon) Robert's ass is hanging out all over the place.

(interview) "Ooh, I feel a little breeze on the back of my ass!" I'll cook in my boxer shorts, I don't give a shit.

Damn!

While Robert tries again on the John Dory, Chef Ramsay is counting on Giovanni on the meat station to get out the first entrée of the night.

(with a chewed up piece of chicken) What is that?

Giovanni's best.

Hey, Ben.

Chef?

Is that a chewed up bit of chicken from the dog? [gives the chicken to Ben] Here, that's your special. Yeah, have a word with him [Giovanni], yeah? He's given up. Take all the garnish back, do whatever you wish with it. Your special has now become not very special, thanks to Dickface (Giovanni) there. Hurry up, Giovanni!

Yeah, but I'm not dickface, chef.

Yeah, say that again?

I said I'm not dickface, chef.

Yeah, you're pissed, are you? Not as fucking- Look at me, LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES!!! NOT AS PISSED AS I AM!!! YOU FUCKING ARE!!! DONKEY!!!

No.

(interview) Whoo! Boy, oh boy.

Cause RIGHT NOW, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! DICKFACE!

(interview) I'm an emotional person, but he can get in my face all he wants. He will not break me.

You're sending SHIT, and you're trying to get away with it! Now I'm READY for an argument! SENDING ME THAT, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!

(interview) You know, he just wants you to pop off.

And you wanna get all sensitive!

No, chef!

You want to get all fucking negative!

No, chef!

Hey, look at me, look at me, you send me shit like that, take your jacket and FUCK OFF!!

Yes, chef!

I'm not sending that SHIT, "CHEF!"

No, chef. Sorry, chef. (interview) I wasn't angry at him, I was angry at myself. It was just, I was boiling inside and... and he said something to me.

That's the well done one. And look at me, I think you're too fucked to get upset with me, you don't give a fuck what I call you. This is not personal, this is professional! That personal was a piece of shit, now put it BACK!!!

Yes, chef.

DICKFACE! [to Ben] Right, Ben.

Chef!

Get on meat with Giovanni, on there together, move!

Yes, chef. [to Giovanni] Don't worry about the Wellington, I got the rest.

After a couple of days without any word on how Robert is doing, Chef Ramsay calls the chefs down for a meeting.

So you're feeling fresh, very relaxed. Did you enjoy the whole atmosphere at the Borgata Resort?

Very much so.

Incredible, Chef.

Sadly, you came back minus one individual. Clearly, you're all deeply concerned. I'm not going to tell you how he's doing, I'm going to let him tell you himself. Chef Robert.

Okay, big boy. Let me just say how pleased I am to see you.

Thank you.

How are you feeling?

Not good.

Ah?

Not good.

What did the medics say?

I have pericarditis, which is the swelling of the sac around the heart which leads to heart disease.

Oh dear. Are you coming back?

No.

No?

I'm not coming back.

But moments from opening, his optimism...

[sees some fondants at the pass] Oh, dear. Who cooked these?

...begins to fade.

Who cooked the fondants?

Lovely.

[calls out Lovely] Lovely!

Yes, chef?

Which they're not... come here! Why these are cooked? We put it in the oven when the order comes on.

Yes, chef.

We haven't even opened yet and you cooked them.

(interview) That's all we have to work with. We're fucking screwed.

[raises one fondant] Look at that! [scoops the fondant and drops it] Look. It's like a fucking hockey puck. Oh, my God! We're not even opened yet and you screwed it up! What a fucking disaster!

(interview) That's it. The end.

'Get fffucked!!

(interview) Obviously I was thrown in a kitchen with a bunch of circus clowns!

Look at this. I swear to God, [gets some scallops] it's the kind of shit you'd expect Tiger Woods to tee off with. Look at it. Rubber, rubber, RUBBER! [throws the scallops away]

But, they have to start over.

(on Melinda's cappelini) It's limp and shit!

And over.

(on Tek's scallops) It's fucking raw! [throws the scallops away]

(interview) We've only had one table, but have made the same dish six million times. That's chaos! That's like apocalyptic chaos!

For the eighth time, can I have one fucking scallops and a fucking beautifully cooked capellini?!

Let's go! This is RIGHT this time!

(to Melinda) Okay, you taste the pasta and you tell me.

First check it, we're rolling! Let's go, we can do it! (Melinda tastes the capellini) Is it cooked or not?

Yes, it's good.

Yes? Let's go!

(to Melinda) Is that cooked? It looks undercooked.

Is it cooked?

(tastes the capellini) Not cooked.

Not cooked?

Nah, that's not cooked. Not cooked. (Melinda throws the undercooked capellini away) Oh, my God! Why did you throw that away, Melinda? Just put it back on the stove, put the lid on the top and, 30 seconds cooking it! What do you do, you just... trash it straight away!

(interview) Melinda... she had that deer-in-the-headlights look and that'll kill you.

(Discovers more capellini thrown in the bin) Look at all this fucking... who's putting all this in the bin?! How many portions are you putting in there? How much is in the bin?! LOOK! LOOK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

An hour into dinner service and the red team has cooked ten appetizers. But unfortunately, none of them have made it to the dining room.

(to Melinda) Hey, madam, how much capellini are you throwing away? (Melinda doesn't reply) Look at it! What are you doing, Melinda?! What are you doing?!

You're making me mad!

Yes, Chef.

Fucking mad!

Yes, chef.

(interview) That girl's gonna lead us to destruction. She's stupid! [shakes her head] Man!

Louie! [raises a chewed up piece of lamb] Wh... what is that? What is that? Did you bite that? Look! That's one, that's the other! IT'S ON THE SAME FUCKING TABLE!

(interview) Louie's lost. He's out of his league.

What's all that lamb here? Look at this! Hey, Van! You and Joseph! STOP! Look... at... this! Look! LOOK! LOOK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! LOUIE!

Yes, sir?

Fuck off back there. GET OUT! YES, get FUCKED, pile of SHIT! Hey, get upstairs, get your bags packed.

Can I help? Can I help in the kitchen?

Yeah, you can help me: GET OUT!

(interview) You want me out? You want me to pack my fuckin' bags? I'm out. My bags are packed. HE CAN KISS - MY - FUCKING - ASS!

With the kitchen at a complete standstill...

It's like a bad dream.

Chef Ramsay is left with no choice.

(to Joseph) SWITCH IT OFF.

Yes, chef.

(to the red team) Fuck off.

(interview) Anybody sitting at home thinking they can do this...Good luck. It's tough.

(interview) I've never had a dinner service like that. It was a complete and utter nightmare.

It's been a long and disastrous night in Hell's Kitchen - but Chef Ramsay's work isn't done yet. It's now time for him to put his plan into action.

First of all, it's bloody good to see you. Yes.

Thank you, chef. Thank you.

You lost your opportunity due to health reasons... right now, I'd love you to seriously consider [pause for effect] coming back into Hell's Kitchen.

(interview) I've a second chance, and you know, you don't get many second chances in life. [to Gordon] I would love to take that offer. [applause from the other tables]

One roasted crown chicken.

Yes, chef. I'm ready for it.

[sees that the chicken is burnt] It's burnt, the chicken.

Is it?

It's crispy and burnt. Oh, my God!

Damn.

[calls the Blue team] Hey, come here you! All of you! Both kitchens are down and they're waiting. So we're standing here and we got fuck all going out! Nothing! That's where I draw the line. I'm about to do something I've never done before in Hell's Kitchen!

(interview) It's a desperate time. I don't know what's going to happen. For all I know, we're all going home.

I have no option now! There's one fucking thing that you can do here, it's a fucking shrimp cocktail. Do you know why? Cause it's not cooked! Give me a fucking shrimp cocktail!

Yes, chef.

Give me some shrimp cocktails now. Jean-Philippe! I'm serving shrimp cocktail. At least they're going to get something to eat! Hey you, nothing cooked! Nothing seasoned! Crushed ice in a glass with ketchup!

(interview) When Chef Ramsay says "You know what, stop cooking and just send out cold stuff!" That's embarrassing.

Let's go. Shrimp cocktail. Let's go.

With no cooking required...

GO! GO! GO!

...both kitchens...

Five more right here.

...manage to get shrimp cocktail to the dining room.

With the compliments of Chef Ramsay.

A shrimp kind of night. Isn't it?

Hey ladies, come here. Hey, come here! Come here!

(interview) Everybody's like freaking out! Like Chef Ramsay's going to walk over with a fricking machine gun and like [imitates a machine gun] blow us all away!

The entire fucking dining room has shrimp cocktail. That's a first for me. You just turned my restaurant into a shrimp stand. And what's the point of going on? Shut it down.

Hey, Ariel, can you go up in two minutes?

Yes.

Good communication!

(interview) Save it 'til the end of service, Chef! You're making me blush!

Two scallops, let's go!

(walking to the pass with his scallops) I'm going up!

Two minutes, counting down! (interview) What's my name?

Tennille!

(interview) Tennille~!

Somebody's taking my fucking lead! The person I least expected to!

Tennille has impressed Chef Ramsay with her communication.

Coming up with two lamb and sauce right now, Chef. (brings the lamb and sauce to the pass) Lamb on your side, Chef.

Now she hopes to impress him with her cooking.

(plating the lamb) That lamb's perfectly cooked.

(interview) The first time I hear Chef say "This lamb's perfectly cooked", I'm like, "Stay perfect! As soon as you slip, you know what he's gonna do?! SHOVE THAT LAMB UP YO' ASS!"

While the red team gets a pep talk from Autumn, over in the blue kitchen, Chef Ramsay looks for Benjamin to maintain Hell's Kitchen's standards.

Hey, guys, get a grip, huh? And you start tasting stuff, huh?

Yes, chef. (tastes the risotto and puts the spoon back in it.)

Ah, fuck me. Hey, Benjamin!

Yes, chef?

Come here! There's customers standing right over there.

Yes, chef.

You're tasting the food and putting the spoon back in it!

Yes, chef. (interview) I stirred it. I tasted it. I stirred it again instead of dropping my spoons in the water.

You can't stand there and eat the food and dip it with your fucking saliva in there and then serve it! I'm not serving that!

Throw it away, let's start again, yeah?

Benjamin's performance has left a bad taste in Chef Ramsay's mouth.

It's 45 minutes into dinner service, and Chef Ramsay's guarantee to serve every customer is in danger.

(serving tableside) Just be patient and he'll get the entrées out.

He's hopeful that Jamie's first entrée will get things rolling in the right direction.

What in the fuck is that?

More in the oven chef, right?

Oh, leave me alone. Leave me fucking alone. (slams the beef on the stove) Just touch that there. Just all of you put your fingers on there!

Cold, chef.

Yeah, there you go.

Yes, this is very cold.

Come here, you, touch it! It's like cold cream on a fucking hot steak! (Maria laughs, Gordon stares at her) Maria, madam. Let me tell you something. There's nothing right now to laugh about. I can't get sautéed potatoes, and there, you (Stacey), she's on her third time cooking scallops, and you think it's funny?

But...you're right. Right. (laughs again)

Now she's laughing again! What's funny then, Maria?

Chef, nothing's funny.

You're not laughing, no? I'm seeing things. Hey, come here a minute, yeah. Jamie - hey, Fran, come here. You, come here. Hey: you, you, you, fuck off out of here! We'll finish the service. GET OUT! You (Siobhan), on meat!

Chef, I'm not leaving my team, chef!

I'm telling you, if you don't get out, I'll drag you out! Get upstairs to the dorm! Videos, recipes, demos, it's a fucking joke!

Siobhan by herself. Soft boiled egg, how long did you boil it for?

Um I....I just cook them every day chef so I have a very good grasp of how long they are cooked for.

Just answer me the question. How long did you cook it for?

My teammates helped me, chef.

Your teammates helped you?

Yes chef.

I asked you to work on your own. Because I put you out, singled you out thinking that you could cook fucking eggs four ways.

I could and I wanted to.

You were working by yourself. So if you wanted to, why didn't you?

Because there was pressure from my team.

Are you serious?

Not from my team, from Autumn.

Oh, Christ almighty.

I just said, "Let me give you a hand." I can help you make one of the eggs.

Which one of these four eggs did you do?

I did the poached egg, chef.

So you only poached one egg in five minutes?

I did two poached eggs.

One simple instruction, how can I make it any more fucking clearer than that?!

I should've pushed her out of the way and I'm so mad at myself that I didn't. [starts crying] I'm so mad. (interview) I should have not listened to my teammates that were forcing me to do something that I should've known it was wrong to do. And I'm just so mad at myself.

Listen please! You do as I say! Holy Moses!

Siobhan failed to follow his instructions and did not work on her own.

Is that what you're capable of doing?

No, I'm so mad that I didn't step up and push her out of the way.

(interview) Siobhan got flustered and pointed fingers at me. She doesn't have a lot of backbone and under the pressure, she just doesn't know when to shut her mouth.

So you're only going to get credited for the ones you did yourself. So you did the poached egg yes? [tastes] That's delicious, one point.

Thank you, chef.

Fuck off, yes?

Siobhan is ready with her second attempt at the crab capellini.

Hot pan. (brings her capellini to the pass; Gordon checks it; finds that it contains lobster again instead of crab)

It's the lobster again. (returns to the workstation) I've got lobster in the fucking capellini!

Chef, I pulled the one right here that says crab.

No, it's not.

It says crab.

Look! Look! Come here! (gets some lobster) What are they? Wha-wha-wha-

Oh, yeah. That is lobster.

Oh, come on. [shot of Kevin Frazier and his wife at the Chef's Table] Even though it says crab, look at it. What is it?

That looks like lobster, chef.

That's the second time.

(interview) Crab was not crab. It was lobster.

Where's the crab?

(interview) It was lobster.

Oh.

Here it is chef. I got it.

How can we not spot it twice, Siobhan?

My fault, chef. (interview; sighs)