Robert quotes from Hell's Kitchen

(to Lacey) I swear to God if you win this I will hang up my coat and become a crack whore!

(interview) (after blue team lost the dinner service) Yes, I have bad service. But I do not deserve to go home. Because people here, but Andy has better than me.

On order six covers, table 20: two spaghetti, two scallops, one risotto, one Caesar. Entrées: three Wellington, get them in!

[shouting over Gordon] Ben, you guys, get going!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Hey you. Hey fuckwit, come here you. Come here! I'm calling out an order and you just shout over.

Sorry, chef.

You fucking call out the order then. You fuck, FUCKING call out the order!

I need one Caesar, two scallops, one risotto and two spaghetti now! (interview) Yeah, give me the reins, man! Let me drive this bitch!

You fucking interrupt me again next time, you're going for an early bath.

Yes.

A big one in the hot tub!

Mashed potatoes?

[brings his garnishes to the pass] Fuck!

What are you doing, Wil?

Sorry, chef. I don't know, and this is very hot. (to his teammates) We got a cold sizzle?

Dear, oh dear! Wil!

Yes, chef?

You're shit!

Yes, chef. I am.

You are so shit, it's unbelievable!

[hands Wil his garnish] Wil, here's your artichokes and potatoes. They're seasoned and ready, sir, yeah?

Thank you.

Are you on the garnish now, Robert?

I just want to help him out [Wil], chef.

Charlie's on the garnish, Robert's on the garnish, yeah? And Wil is on Planet Cuckoo.

(interview) Wil got thrown to the dogs on the garnish station. By the time I got around to help him, it was ugly.

Wil, there's not one cook in the kitchen that hasn't been on the garnish with you tonight!

(interview) Being on the receiving end of Chef Ramsay's wrath...(groans) yeah, that sorta sucked.

Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

What's wrong?

He (diner) said that he wants it bright up a little bit, chef.

Giovanni?

Yes, chef?

Robert, come here! Robert, bounce your way down here. Let's go. [portions the beef] (pounds the counter) Touch it! Touch it!

It's cold.

FUCKING SHIT!! [throws the beef away] It's still walking, that fucking piece of beef!

(interview) It pisses me off. We have an executive chef of a steakhouse running our grill. Wake up, get it together, and put out some decent food.

Giovanni!

Yes, chef?

Thank fuck I've visited your steakhouse! It's fucking blue!

Yes, chef!

Giovanni!

Yes, chef?

Where's the New York strip?

Chef, I'm four minutes away!

Oh, my God. SWITCH IT OFF! We're now over two hours. He (Seth) fucks the filet, (to Charlie) the shrimps go down, (to Ben) this dick sends me dessert before the appetizers! [throws his apron] Fuck off! (to Jean-Philippe) Jean-Philippe, shut it down, yes? Two hours over. Clear down!

(interview; tonight was originally planned to have been his wedding) I've embarrassed myself, my family, my girlfriend. [throws his buff off angrily]

Here we go. Here comes the pain.

Come here. All of you, come here! Put it down. (to Ben) Put it fucking down. What is that?

Lamb chop, sir.

Lamb chop, yeah? Eat it. (gives the lamb to Ben and he eats it) Happy now? Now it's getting thinner and thinner and thinner. There's another one. There's one ripped to fuck there now. Too thin, cowboy.

(interview) I'm like, "Ooh, why are you sending that out?" It looked like a piece of carpaccio on a bone, man.

(to Ben) How can someone so fucking fat slice something so fucking thin?

Sorry, chef. It won't happen again, chef.

I wouldn't even serve that to my fucking dog!

I'll fix it right now, chef.

How long for the risotto and pasta?

Plating up the pasta right now.

How's your risotto?

I'm going. I'm going.

Where's the risotto?

Right here chef.

Carol!

Yes, chef!

[tastes the risotto then spits it out] Taste that rice, taste the rice. It's like mush! Show me the rice.

Right here.

Oh, my God! It's overcooked! It's like mush! Who cooked the rice?

The blue team.

The blue team? What? [goes over to the blue kitchen] Oh, come here you, all of you! Who cooked this rice?

I did, chef.

Look at it, J! How can you do that, J? [hurls the rice in the trash] J! For both teams?

Yes, chef.

Aw, fucking hell. Oh, come on. You can't do this!

(interview) The risotto was mushy, clumpy and nasty, and it definitely was not a good way to start the evening.

It's mush! Did you cook it all in the same pan?

Yes, chef.

Oh, fuck me. Oh, come on, fuck off J.

I'll get a pot on, chef. (interview) That pissed off Chef Ramsay, and I really didn't need that, because he's been riding me hard the past couple of days.

(to Jean-Philippe) Jean-Philippe, stop the risotto, yeah? (to J) J! I can't believe you just screwed the service in both kitchens!

(interview) J, you're my friend and I like you a lot, but today, you fucking suck, man.

While Carol and Andrea chew on their mistakes, in the blue kitchen, J is hoping to redeem himself.

(with a piece of undercooked salmon) J!

Yes, chef?

Come on, then! Look, it's still stone-cold. Back in the oven! Fucking hell...

J, I know you're busy, buddy, but how long on the salmon, my man?

Five minutes.

Give me the tuna! Give me the-

He said four minutes out. Can you make it four?

Everything you've touched so far, tonight, has been screwed.

(interview) J just lost his shit, man. He was just clamming up, didn't take control. He was burning the seafood, he was sending raw seafood.

That's called burnt salmon, not seared salmon!

(interview) It takes a real good chef to recover. (to J) You can really turn this around if you want to.

I know.

Wipe your face, wipe your face. [J wipes his face with his sleeve] With a rag!

J, where's the salmon?

Coming around. Right here, chef.

[finds out that the salmon is overdone] Hey, bozo, SAUCE! Come here, you. Put that down, come here, you. Come here, you! Get in there! GET IN!

Fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

I'm here, chef.

It's not good enough, J!

I know, chef. I got no fucking excuse.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know. I'll fucking turn it on right now, chef.

I can't fucking go any further! Please, wake up!

Yes, chef!

My decision is... Ben. [Ben walks towards him and he decided not to send him home] I really want your jacket. (to both Ben and Lacey) I'm giving you one more chance.

Thank God.

Lacey, Ben, back in line. (to Lacey) Lacey.

Yes, chef.

You must... START working with your team!

Yes chef.

(to motivate all the blue team) Are all four of you capable of working together?

Yes chef!

I can't hear it.

YES CHEF!

Then do it! And do me a favor? Get out, the lot of you.

Leave it! Fucking hell, what is that?

Wha-I...

What is that, I said! Look at it! It's on fire!

Is this your well-done?

(tearfully) I don't know.

(interview) She was lost. [in mockery of Lacey] "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, HUHU!!"

What's the matter with you?

I CAN'T COOK MEAT, CHEF!

What do you mean you can't cook meat?

Obviously I'm way too confused...

Hey madam, madam! Get out! GET OUT!

(interview) Can't handle the heat, get out the kit-CHEN!

[follows Lacey to the pantry] "I can't cook meat?"

I–I'm sorry. I just got really confused.

If you got confused, why didn't you say something?

I did and then Robert put the chicken and the chicken went on fire and...!

Why can't you just make the effort?

I'm trying to make an effort.

Do you want to come back in there and make an effort?

Yes, chef.

Well, wake up and get a grip! Come on! [leads Lacey out of the pantry]

It's over an hour into dinner service, and while Ben and Lacey struggle to get out entrées...

I need you right now.

You need to put me on something easier than fucking wellingtons.

Robert has managed to handle the appetizers on his own.

C'mon, guys! Let's fucking do it!

Let's go, move! We got this!

Come on guys, keep pushing! (interview) All I heard was "RRRRRIIIP!"

(to Gordon) Robert's ass is hanging out all over the place.

(interview) "Ooh, I feel a little breeze on the back of my ass!" I'll cook in my boxer shorts, I don't give a shit.

Damn!

Oh, my God!

Hmm... Fuck me!

Come here, all of you! What is that? Fucking bone's thicker than the meat! WHAT IS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW, CHEF!

[throws the lamb in the bin] It's not GOOD ENOUGH! GET OUT! YOU'RE not good enough! PISS OFF! [follows Lacey into the pantry] Madam, look at me. Let's be honest, you're done. You can't waste my time any longer!

I agree.

Give me your jacket, and leave Hell's Kitchen. And go in there, and say goodbye. Properly, say it properly! Let's go.

[to the blue team] Thank you for everything!

(interview) There's a small violin, just for Lacey. [blows a raspberry] She sucks. Adios, biatch.

Piss off! Let's go! Step up a gear.

(interview) On one hand, it's a relief. I can get back to my normal life. [packing her suitcase] Now I can get some sleep at night. (interview) But you know, another part of me wishes to stay and learn more and have that chance to win but unfortunately I fucked up tonight and I can only look back on the positive things which there weren't many for me. You know, my mom told me when I came here, "Don't make enemies." and that's the first thing I did and kept doing the whole time I was here. Sorry mom, I should've listened.

Oh Ben!

Chef!?

[returns the sauce to the workstation] Right, all three of you [Ben, Danny & Robert] come here. Here we go. [with spoons] Taste time! Quick, quick, dig in there, yes? Dig in. Make sure you take a nice big mouthful. Big mouthful. Mmmmmm. [spits out the sauce as does Robert]

(interview) I spit it right out, it was disgusting.

Hey, salty soup! You're just reheating it!

Yes.

So, how can you fuck it?!

It was bland before I over reduced it, it's my fault, I should've tasted it chef.

You're clumsy! You salted it!

Yes chef.

You over seasoned it!

Yes I did, chef.

You didn't over reduce it!

(interview) I'm a soldier, that's why I say yes chef.

On order, six covers table 20. Entrées: Two wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one Dory. Wellington's medium, yes?

Yes, chef!

(to Andrea) Right Andrea, what's going? [gets no answer] No answer. I'm not in the best of moods, ah? I don't like being ignored in my own fucking kitchen. What's going?

I have no idea, chef.

Oh, my God almighty.

(interview) On garnish, you've got to be thirty seconds before everybody else. If she's not checking the tickets for us, we're screwed.

Come here you!

Yes chef!

Story of your fucking life, yeah, you have no idea!

Yes chef!

Hey, she's running the section, yet she has no idea of what's going. (to Giovanni) Tell her, chef.

Two wellingtons one medium, one medium-rare and lamb medium? I'm sorry, lamb medium-rare. Two lamb medium-rare.

Oh my God.

Two chicken.

Two chicken and a Dory.

Two wellington, Two chicken and a lamb.

Two wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one fucking Dory.

Yes, chef!

One wellington's medium, the rest is FUCKING NORRRRRRMAL.

Yes, chef!

Unlike us. (to Andrea) What's going, madam?

I have no idea, chef.

You have no idea.

I have no idea, chef.

Hey, come here you. Hey... fuck off! Hey madam, (points to the front entrance) through the door there! FUCK OFF!

Get that fucking camera out of my face.

Andrea, relax. The only thing he wants from you is to come back. You need to fight back. If you don't, you're finished.

(interview) This is the hardest... most difficult, most up-and-down thing that I've ever, ever done in my entire life! [to Jean-Philippe] It's just been out of fucking control tonight. There's no communication with anybody, and I just haven't recovered.

You want to stay?

Yes, I want to fucking stay! I've been through too much hell right now to fucking leave!

Absolutely. So keep it to Gordon.

(interview) It's just a reminder of how difficult it's been and how much...how much I just want this so bad.

So now you need to be strong. Go back in there, and give it your best shot. Go on, then!

(interview) I put everything I have into this every day, and I just had to go in there and fight for the rest of it.

[to Andrea] Right, what's going?

Two chicken, two lamb, one wellington, one Dory.

Thank you. Back in the kitchen! NOW WAKE UP, ANDREA!

Yes, chef!