Holli quotes from Hell's Kitchen

OK, there's a few out there that are executive chefs, right? [Jay and Siobhan raises their hands] OK, good. There was one I seem to remember...you, (points to Tana) with the glasses.

Yes, chef.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a mom, but I'm a cookbook author.

Never worked in a restaurant?

No, chef.

OK, let's start from the bottom. Bring your dish.

(whispering) Oh, geez.

Apart from it looking like baby vomit, what is that?

It's a veal scallopini.

(tastes the dish, whispers) Oh, God. (to the lady) Listen to me. That dish... was delicious.

(smiles) Thank you, chef.

I mean, I'm shocked. It may look slightly dull and boring, a little bit like you, but well done! (the chefs laugh) Don't look so nervous.

You're scary.

OK, let me give you a hug. (hugs her) There. Right. Relax! Relax, relax, relax.

(interview) That is not his side. He doesn't just hug people. He's not that type of person. He's not personable at all.

What a great start! If that's a sign of things to come, well done! Thank you! (kisses her on her cheeks) God, it was good! [kisses her on her lips; the chefs were shocked and started laughing]

I wanted to be first! (the others laugh)

(interview) Chef Ramsay, you're a little slutty.

(interview) I was just so stunned. Chef Ramsay really did like that dish.

That was fucking amazing. [chefs laugh again] (to the chefs) Listen to me, before we go any further: this person is not who you think she is. (the lady removes her glasses) This person...is... my wife (Tana removes her disguise), Tana. (to Tana) Take that off. [chefs gave her an applause]

(interview) Thank God it's his wife. He just, like, licked her teeth.

(to Tana) A job well done. [kisses her again]

(interview) What a filthy bastard!

(to the chefs) The point I'm trying to make is that I don't give two fucks about how much experience you've got. What I do care about is who has the magic? Who has it? She definitely has it. (to Tana) Well done, my darling.

Thank you. (to the chefs) Good luck to you all.

Thank you for helping make my point. Thank you. [chefs applaud]

[looking at Holli's signature dish] Now what the fuck is that thing there?

Halibut wrapped in a banana leaf.

And that's your signature dish? [throws away the leaf]

It's a... like a classic Indian dish.

I've been to India. I haven't seen food like that.

It's Northern Indian.

Northern Indian?

I believe... yeah, yeah, Northern Indian. I believe it's, um, has...

[tastes and spits it out] Ugh!

I messed it up a bit.

You messed it up a bit?

Yes, I did.

You're being polite! [dumps the dish in the trash] Holli, that was a disaster. One (point) for the men. Well done.

You guys are fucking USELESS, but I am NOT going to shut this fucking place down! (to the red team) You, you, you, over there (the blue kitchen), work together! DOUBLE UP!

Yes, chef!

Move your arse!

What do you guys need?

Fucking hell. What do you need, yeah? I need 16 cooks.

Siobhan is ready with her second attempt at the crab capellini.

Hot pan. (brings her capellini to the pass; Gordon checks it; finds that it contains lobster again instead of crab)

It's the lobster again. (returns to the workstation) I've got lobster in the fucking capellini!

Chef, I pulled the one right here that says crab.

No, it's not.

It says crab.

Look! Look! Come here! (gets some lobster) What are they? Wha-wha-wha-

Oh, yeah. That is lobster.

Oh, come on. [shot of Kevin Frazier and his wife at the Chef's Table] Even though it says crab, look at it. What is it?

That looks like lobster, chef.

That's the second time.

(interview) Crab was not crab. It was lobster.

Where's the crab?

(interview) It was lobster.

Oh.

Here it is chef. I got it.

How can we not spot it twice, Siobhan?

My fault, chef. (interview; sighs)

All of you! ALL OF YOU! (Gordon interrupts Holli) That's you ditsy!

For one simple question.

Is that the best roast chicken and is that the best fucking beef requested mid-rare? (grabs Siobhan's hand) I want you to touch it. I want you to touch it! Touch it! Touch it! Touch fucking IT! (throws spoon away)

No.

No, no it's not. The chicken's dry.

Where's the gratin on top?

It got pulled off. It was on there before.

No, it wasn't.

Look at me! Is that the best?

No, chef.

Is that the best?

No, chef.

Is that the best?

No, chef.

Do me a favour: FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT! And don't you dare switch it off, I'll finish it! Fuck off!

I would love to stay an-

GET OUT! OUT! GET OUT! (throws the chicken into one of the units) GET OUT!

(to herself) I'm sick of this shit.

[follows the red team] GET OUT!

That's really embarrassing. What happened?

[goes into the blue kitchen] Scott, come in here with me and I'll finish this one, please, yeah?

Okay.

Now, Chef Ramsay and his trusted sous chefs, Scott and Andi, will complete the red kitchen's dinner service.

Three spaghetti, one tagliatelle, yes?

Three spaghetti, one t- (sees the mess that the Red team left) Oh, my god! What the fuck did they do to this place?

Yeah, I know.

Wow, they're really bad, huh?

Yep.

While the blue team gets out all the desserts, Chef Ramsay calls the red team back to the kitchen.

All your entrées are served, everything's done. Now come back and do something you're good at, fucking cleaning! At least you'll do something as a team!

Where is the scallops?

How's the scallops?

I had to re-fire one order of scallops.

(goes to Siobhan's station; gets her pan of scallops) Look at this! What are you doing there?

I thought they look golden brown, chef.

Stop, fuck off will you?

I thought they look fine, chef.

You thought they look golden brown.

(interview) They were fucking black.

Take that, yeah?

There are some on here that were fine, chef.

So, where's the fine ones then?

They're right over here.

(interview) Shut the fuck up and cook. 'Yes Chef' and cook. Don't talk, cause he's only going to shove his foot deeper in your ass!

Where are they? Where are they? You've got the nerve to tell me that some of it were fine. (points out some scallops) Wishy-washy, not even seasoned and you know what? More importantly, they're boiled. You DONKEY! Fuck off out! Get out, get out. Get out, there you go. Get out! Fuck off to the bar and eat it!

And Chef Ramsay has sent her to the dining room to eat her mistakes.

All of you, come here! Pink chicken. Not just pink but fucking raw! And you what? Not even cooked. Raw, raw, RAW!! (smashes the chicken on the plate)

(interview) It's sliced! You could obviously see that's fucking raw. You can't send up raw chicken no matter what.

(to Nilka) I would expect you 10x more when you tell me the chicken's raw!

(interview) Aaarrrggghhh! Why? I tried so hard, I don't want to fuck up tonight!

It's not fair! You can't just do that! The chicken's raw!!

You're right.

It's raw, every fucking bit. (to Fran) Your risotto! Madam, madam! Taste the risotto, taste the rice! Up and down, up and down, up and fucking down! (kicks the bin) Do me a favour. Look at me. You, you, you, you and you, GET OUT! Get out! Get out of my sight! Get out!

(to Fran) Just get out. Just get out.

Useless bits o' crap!

Morning guys.

Morning chef.

Chicken gorgonzola yes? One of the dishes that's featured on the brunch menu at Claridge's. Now have a little taste.

Nilka, what's it taste like?

It melts in your mouth.

The chicken is delicious.

I can see the tomatoes lighten up the sauce.

Big bold spices.

You like it?

Yeah, I love it.

Delicious.

Good.....The dish that all of you enjoyed was in fact....frozen fucking food.

Wow. (interview) Oh, I feel like a complete ass right now. Oh, completely.

The chicken was cooked about... [slams the chicken on the counter] three and a half months ago. Freshness? Vibrant? Excitement? All I did was put it in a microwave!

In retrospect, the only thing that I would question was the chicken.

Oh.

I thought the chicken tasted a little watery.

OH, COME ON!!! (throws his towel on the floor)

(interview) Ok, fine. I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.

Oh, fucking hell.

(brings his appetizers to the pass) Oh, fuck.

(returns to the workstation) Benjamin.

Oui chef.

Come here. Ed.

Yes, chef.

Come here, Ed. So he (points to Benjamin) brings the next table to me, He's (Jay) fucking say nothing and then that comes up to me. Do me a favour. (to Benjamin and Ed) You and you, GET OUT! ENOUGH!

(overhears Gordon) Don't think I'm going to get my lamb.

Fuck off up to the dorm. Get out. Get out, Benjamin. Get out! (to Jason) Jason, on the fish.

Yes, chef.

(to Autumn) Autumn, on the meat.

Yes, chef.

(to Holli) Holli, on the appetisers.

Yes, chef.

Fucking unbelievable.

All of you, come here! What night is this? What fucking night?

Important night of the year!

Yeah, the most important night. Is this the most important gnocchi you've ever cooked?!

No, it's not.

Fuck off will you? (slams the pan on the workstation)

Come on, Trev.

What is that?

(interview) That looks like a big-ass booger.

Oh, my God.

Wake up, Trevor! Nothing's coming out! ON A NIGHT LIKE TONIGHT! WAKE UP!

(to Trev) My lobster's up and you have no garnish.

(interview) Get off my pass and let me cook!

(to Holli) Trev is gone tonight. What do you think?

Yeah.

What do you need Trev?

(interview) This is not what he needs. Trev sucks. Dude, are you stoned? Like, did you smoke a joint before you came in here?

Trevor, you can't serve with those carrots in a burned pan.

Oh, no. I am going to fucking fix it.

I'll help you!

Do not help me! Get the fuck out of my ass! Don't fucking help me!

(interview) He is so stupid.

Does anybody need help right now? I'm good on app(etizer)s.

Could use a hand over here, definitely.

Here's your shallots.

How many are on the garnish? One... two... three of you. Sabrina garnish, Nona garnish! Trev, what are you doing?

Working it chef.

(to Gail) Gail, go over to the garnish as well, and might as well.

(interview) I've never seen Chef Ramsay called over the entire kitchen to help one person. Ridiculous. [to Trev] The squash is burning.

The squash is what? Burning? [facepalms]