Fran quotes from Hell's Kitchen

OK, there's a few out there that are executive chefs, right? [Jay and Siobhan raises their hands] OK, good. There was one I seem to remember...you, (points to Tana) with the glasses.

Yes, chef.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a mom, but I'm a cookbook author.

Never worked in a restaurant?

No, chef.

OK, let's start from the bottom. Bring your dish.

(whispering) Oh, geez.

Apart from it looking like baby vomit, what is that?

It's a veal scallopini.

(tastes the dish, whispers) Oh, God. (to the lady) Listen to me. That dish... was delicious.

(smiles) Thank you, chef.

I mean, I'm shocked. It may look slightly dull and boring, a little bit like you, but well done! (the chefs laugh) Don't look so nervous.

You're scary.

OK, let me give you a hug. (hugs her) There. Right. Relax! Relax, relax, relax.

(interview) That is not his side. He doesn't just hug people. He's not that type of person. He's not personable at all.

What a great start! If that's a sign of things to come, well done! Thank you! (kisses her on her cheeks) God, it was good! [kisses her on her lips; the chefs were shocked and started laughing]

I wanted to be first! (the others laugh)

(interview) Chef Ramsay, you're a little slutty.

(interview) I was just so stunned. Chef Ramsay really did like that dish.

That was fucking amazing. [chefs laugh again] (to the chefs) Listen to me, before we go any further: this person is not who you think she is. (the lady removes her glasses) This person...is... my wife (Tana removes her disguise), Tana. (to Tana) Take that off. [chefs gave her an applause]

(interview) Thank God it's his wife. He just, like, licked her teeth.

(to Tana) A job well done. [kisses her again]

(interview) What a filthy bastard!

(to the chefs) The point I'm trying to make is that I don't give two fucks about how much experience you've got. What I do care about is who has the magic? Who has it? She definitely has it. (to Tana) Well done, my darling.

Thank you. (to the chefs) Good luck to you all.

Thank you for helping make my point. Thank you. [chefs applaud]

[looking at Andrew's signature dish] Right. Now, what is that?

That's steak tartare. (licks his lips, scary music plays) I guess the inspiration from that came from the fact that I've raised and butchered my own animals...and I like to eat them raw. (the other chefs are shocked by this fact) (interview) When I win this competition, I'm going to buy two walk-in coolers. That's all I want is two walk-in coolers.

Are you some form of Hell's Kitchen Hannibal Lecter?

Maybe. (interview) Then I can start butchering animals, which is what I like to do.

(tastes the tartare) Bland. What a shame. (to Nilka) OK, Nilka, why did you become a chef?

I love cooking. That's my passion. (interview) I'm a single mom with three kids. I want to teach my kids that in order to get something in life, you have to go for it. I know I'm going to win Hell's Kitchen. I will not settle for less.

And this is your...

My sweet and spicy wings.

So, chicken wings?

Uh-huh. This is an old family favorite.

(bites into a wing) Fucking hell, they're hot. My lips are fucking burning!

I apologize, chef.

How much Tabasco did you put in there?

Um, half a bottle.

Half a bottle of Tabasco?!

(whispering) We're screwed.

I apologize.

(drinks water and spits it out) Jesus shit!

Holy shit!

That's going to blow your fucking asshole out, that! Burned my mouth. Nobody gets a point, but the men win. Congratulations, well done.

It's 45 minutes into dinner service, and Chef Ramsay's guarantee to serve every customer is in danger.

(serving tableside) Just be patient and he'll get the entrées out.

He's hopeful that Jamie's first entrée will get things rolling in the right direction.

What in the fuck is that?

More in the oven chef, right?

Oh, leave me alone. Leave me fucking alone. (slams the beef on the stove) Just touch that there. Just all of you put your fingers on there!

Cold, chef.

Yeah, there you go.

Yes, this is very cold.

Come here, you, touch it! It's like cold cream on a fucking hot steak! (Maria laughs, Gordon stares at her) Maria, madam. Let me tell you something. There's nothing right now to laugh about. I can't get sautéed potatoes, and there, you (Stacey), she's on her third time cooking scallops, and you think it's funny?

But...you're right. Right. (laughs again)

Now she's laughing again! What's funny then, Maria?

Chef, nothing's funny.

You're not laughing, no? I'm seeing things. Hey, come here a minute, yeah. Jamie - hey, Fran, come here. You, come here. Hey: you, you, you, fuck off out of here! We'll finish the service. GET OUT! You (Siobhan), on meat!

Chef, I'm not leaving my team, chef!

I'm telling you, if you don't get out, I'll drag you out! Get upstairs to the dorm! Videos, recipes, demos, it's a fucking joke!

Next pair, Fran and Autumn. Let's go. Soft boiled egg, [slices off the top] Hold on a minute. Who cooked this?

I did, chef.

[tastes] Delicious.

Thank you, chef.

[to Fran] Which one did you cook?

Scrambled, chef.

[cuts into scrambled egg, which turns out to be overcooked] Well that's chopped omelet. Ooh. Sunny side up. [tastes] Not an ounce of salt anywhere. Fucking lazy cooking. [checks the poached egg which is stuck to the plate] Who poached this egg?

I poached that egg, chef.

Oh, Jesus! One point. Fuck off, will you, yeah? Sorry, plain fucking English.

What's your dish?

(sighs) We have blood sausage with a prune purée.

Already you look negative.

I'm not pleased with the plate, that's why I don't look happy. I'm really, really not.

Ugh, that's shit. Who in the fuck chose prunes with blood sausage? Talk to me, red team!

(interview) It was his decision to put those items together on the plate, and Scott's trying not to own up to it.

It went completely wrong.

Understatement of the year!

(interview) I knew it. I'd rather have just gone up there with an empty plate, like "voilà, chef!"

That's a fucking disaster. (throws the plate away)

D'oh!

Right, Benjamin. What is that?

We have a pan-roasted pork loin, drizzled with thyme, star anise and baby bok choi. (interview) The dish that we did was a beautiful dish. The pork was fucking gorgeous.

That was delicious. Just... phenomenal.

(interview) I mean, I would have made love to it right there.

How long's he been cooking this for? Scott: this chicken is like something from outer space. Just feel it a little bit. It's cooked to fuck! It's like something from a leftover fast food joint, Scott! Pathetic.

(interview) Scott's got the most experience, but he still screwed up the whole chicken section. I mean, just a complete disaster.

[Scott opens the oven door] Blackened bullshit chicken. [sees Maria next to the open oven] Oh my God. Close the fucking oven door! [goes over to Scott's station and closes the oven door] I don't want a conversation going on with the oven door open. She's (Maria) going to come pass with a fucking pan, walking back and BANG! One fuckin' arm in the fryer, one in the fuckin' stove! Now STOP IT!!

Yes chef.

(interview) He was working so dangerous, Scott. He should've known better.

We never cook with the door open! Health and fucking safety!

This is the worst fucking night of my life right now. (interview) I feel miserable right now. Thank god nobody got hurt.

We're now the most dangerous kitchen in the fucking country!

Where's the spaghetti? Who's cooking the spaghetti?

I don't know. Is the spaghetti coming out?

What do you mean, "I don't know"? Why aren't you discussing it together? Fucking hell, first ticket. Who's cooking the spaghetti?

[points at Scott] They are.

[to Scott and Siobhan] Ah - come here, you and you, come here, both of you - fuck off will you. [walks into the blue kitchen] Who's cooking the spaghetti?

I am, chef.

Thank you, why?

Because the garnish does sides.

Tell those fucking muppets!

Garnish is cooking the spaghetti.

Got it. I need to cook the spaghetti. (interview) Pasta? No one told me I was cooking pasta on my side!

I got the spaghetti down right now.

Siobhan, step one, pasta doesn't cook unless the fucking water's boiling. Pasta does not cook unless the water is...

...boiling. My fault.

(interview) Come on! Hello? Is this brain surgery? It's pasta.

Hey red team, what are we doing? We're going to hold up the whole fucking dining room because we're waiting on fucking spaghetti! Get a grip. You need to wake up!

Yes.

Oh fuck me. Not tonight.

All of you! ALL OF YOU! (Gordon interrupts Holli) That's you ditsy!

For one simple question.

Is that the best roast chicken and is that the best fucking beef requested mid-rare? (grabs Siobhan's hand) I want you to touch it. I want you to touch it! Touch it! Touch it! Touch fucking IT! (throws spoon away)

No.

No, no it's not. The chicken's dry.

Where's the gratin on top?

It got pulled off. It was on there before.

No, it wasn't.

Look at me! Is that the best?

No, chef.

Is that the best?

No, chef.

Is that the best?

No, chef.

Do me a favour: FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT! And don't you dare switch it off, I'll finish it! Fuck off!

I would love to stay an-

GET OUT! OUT! GET OUT! (throws the chicken into one of the units) GET OUT!

(to herself) I'm sick of this shit.

[follows the red team] GET OUT!

That's really embarrassing. What happened?

[goes into the blue kitchen] Scott, come in here with me and I'll finish this one, please, yeah?

Okay.

Now, Chef Ramsay and his trusted sous chefs, Scott and Andi, will complete the red kitchen's dinner service.

Three spaghetti, one tagliatelle, yes?

Three spaghetti, one t- (sees the mess that the Red team left) Oh, my god! What the fuck did they do to this place?

Yeah, I know.

Wow, they're really bad, huh?

Yep.

While the blue team gets out all the desserts, Chef Ramsay calls the red team back to the kitchen.

All your entrées are served, everything's done. Now come back and do something you're good at, fucking cleaning! At least you'll do something as a team!

The Red Team lost, but there seems to be some confusion as who the nominees should be.

Who is the best chef on the Red Team?

Chef, I feel like I'm the best.

Absolutely not! You just take over and say "Oh well, I did this, I did that!" You want to gloat and rub it in our faces. It's bullshit!

It's not gloating or rubbing it in your face, it's just letting you know the truth.

We don't need to hear it! We've been doing it before you.

None of you guys work in fine dining restaurants.

You could have surprised us, the way you've produced over the last two days.

Oh, thank you Fran. You as well, you've had a pretty easy ride the whole way through.

Yeah?

Injure your hand a little bit, and you get treated like a little fucking princess.

Oh, yeah, okay.

(rolls eyes) Wow. Great team-work there!

Siobhan, why do you think you should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?

I take pride in my work, and I put my best effort forward. I use that little bit of knowledge I have, I have passion, and I ask a lot of questions...

(interrupting Siobhan) You shouldn't be asking simple fucking questions! It should take care of itself. This isn't culinary school, the common-sense things are driving the red team down, big time.

Scott, why are you back here?

I was voted up, Chef. I don't agree with it. I've had a tough couple of services, but I'm a hard worker. Obviously, you know that. I just bust ass every day, I have a calmness about me every day, no matter what the stresses bring. By no means, I'm not the worst cook in this team by far, I'm the best cook in this team, the best leader in this team, I can accomplish...

(interrupting Scott) I can't take it any more.

Fran.

Yes, chef?

Siobhan. Fuck off back in line.

This team will fucking die if I'm not here.

Scott, give me your jacket. I can't take it any more. I cannot take it. (shakes Scott's hand as Scott leaves) I kept waiting and I waited and waited, but it didn't happen. Good night.

Good night, Chef.

(checking Fran's broccolini) It's not all over cooked in there, is it?

No, I just dropped it Chef.

Well, why are you draining it in one bit and not the other bit in the same fucking time?

I just did another piece.

So, if you left that in there, it's going to overcook. Get the fucking hell out! It's a piece of broccolini, show a little bit of respect.

I will Chef. Ready?

Now, Benjamin's on the garnish. Fucking hell. (Fran comes to the pass with piping hot undrained potatoes.) Cut the bullshit! Let go! Let go! Lazy. (drains the potatoes in the sink) Madam,

Yes, Chef.

You fucking drain the potatoes, or next time, fuck off! Okay? Yeah? You're just running over here with a hot pan and say, "There you go! You bunch of fucking idiots!"

I'm sorry, Chef.

Show a little bit of respect not to give me a baking hot pan!

I won't do it again, Chef.

Before all the fat doesn't spread all over the fucking stupid fucking place!

(interview) I think Fran is definitely over her head and you can't just disregard safety just because you're busy.

Engage your brain!

Yes, Chef. What are we working on next?

Yeah, I like that. "What are we working on?" One trout, one spaghetti, two steak. We're bound to fuck that one up.

Where is the scallops?

How's the scallops?

I had to re-fire one order of scallops.

(goes to Siobhan's station; gets her pan of scallops) Look at this! What are you doing there?

I thought they look golden brown, chef.

Stop, fuck off will you?

I thought they look fine, chef.

You thought they look golden brown.

(interview) They were fucking black.

Take that, yeah?

There are some on here that were fine, chef.

So, where's the fine ones then?

They're right over here.

(interview) Shut the fuck up and cook. 'Yes Chef' and cook. Don't talk, cause he's only going to shove his foot deeper in your ass!

Where are they? Where are they? You've got the nerve to tell me that some of it were fine. (points out some scallops) Wishy-washy, not even seasoned and you know what? More importantly, they're boiled. You DONKEY! Fuck off out! Get out, get out. Get out, there you go. Get out! Fuck off to the bar and eat it!

And Chef Ramsay has sent her to the dining room to eat her mistakes.

Morning guys.

Morning chef.

Chicken gorgonzola yes? One of the dishes that's featured on the brunch menu at Claridge's. Now have a little taste.

Nilka, what's it taste like?

It melts in your mouth.

The chicken is delicious.

I can see the tomatoes lighten up the sauce.

Big bold spices.

You like it?

Yeah, I love it.

Delicious.

Good.....The dish that all of you enjoyed was in fact....frozen fucking food.

Wow. (interview) Oh, I feel like a complete ass right now. Oh, completely.

The chicken was cooked about... [slams the chicken on the counter] three and a half months ago. Freshness? Vibrant? Excitement? All I did was put it in a microwave!

In retrospect, the only thing that I would question was the chicken.

Oh.

I thought the chicken tasted a little watery.

OH, COME ON!!! (throws his towel on the floor)

(interview) Ok, fine. I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.