J quotes from Hell's Kitchen

(interview) Meat is one of my fortes. I definitely had six, seven out of eight without even looking.

Ring the bell, ring the bell. Go for it!

I can't hear that!

Ring the fucking bell!

Seven wrong for blue, let's go.

Holy shit! We're working backwards!

(interview) SETH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

Seth's poor performance has set the men back. Now Lacey has a golden opportunity to redeem herself with her team.

Come on, Lacey!

(interview) It's my chance to show my team that I can step up, and that I deserve to be here.

Come on! We can do this!

Move it, Lacey!

(interview) Lacey was just moving things around for the feeling that she was doing something, and you know what, that's no different to how she is in the kitchen.

Six wrong.

Robert has only improved on Seth by one.

(to Lacey) Come on, let's go! Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Okay... (sees that Lacey has placed the "bottom round" label near one of the model cow's front legs) BOTTOM ROUND?! WHAT DOES "BOTTOM" MEAN? One, two, three, four, five, six wrong! Dear oh dear!

What is going on? I'm waiting on four Caesar, two shrimp. Why aren't the shrimp on?

I've got them right here. I was throwing them on, Chef-

Get them on!

I am right now, chef. Sorry, chef.

Come on, Charlie!

Yes, chef.

Unbelievable. A Caesar salad and we're in the shit! [spots that Charlie's cooking cloth has caught fire] Your cloth's on fire! YOUR CLOTH'S ON FIRE!

(interview) Charlie, wake the fuck up, man.

Get it in the water, Scott, please, before he sets the place on fire.

I'm doing my best, chef.

(throws the cloth in the sink) If that's your best, you might want to rethink your best a little bit.

Imma tell you one thing: I don't like fucking losing. Come on, Danny, I was over there helping with you then I jumped over, I had to help with the eggs. We were all helping each other.

[interjecting] You should've been on eggs the whole time.

You were the one drowning on the pancakes, buddy.

That is-that is correct.

Look, you gave me a hand walking the pancakes up, and thank you for that.

Wait a minute, Danny. [J laughs] Come on, man. Are you serious right now?

What? You-you helped me plate some pancakes, and I appreciate it, thank you, I-I'm not a-

It's cool, man. Don't worry about it. I just-

I mean, I'm not a hero here, I never said I was.

You said that earlier. You said you were the best cook.

I am obviously the best cook on the team.

You want to hear something, dude? I will cook circles around you! I will circle you like a fucking moon!

Where have you been?

Hey, hey come on! Danny, come on! Hey, Ben!

[over Giovanni] Are you joking me? You couldn't cook my COCK!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Are you joking me? I AM SO FUCKING-

Where have you been?

[stands between Danny and Ben] Be quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

We'll see you on garnish. Let me see you on garnish.

Shut the fuck up.

I mean- you know what, I need two minutes, I need two minutes, bro.

Take your two minutes, bro, because I haven't seen you in the kitchen yet.

This is - HEY!

Where have you been?

[heads down to the patio] (interview) Danny's ego is getting the better of him, and he needs to come back down on this planet.

YOU'VE GOTTEN A COMPLIMENT YET, BEN?

It's an hour and 15 minutes into dinner service, and while food its way out of the blue kitchen...

Look what's in my salad.

..not all of it is edible.

What's going on on there?

That's from, uhm, table 20 blue.

Hey, ALL OF YOU! COME HERE! Who dressed the Caesar salad?

I did, chef. [Gordon shows the butt of lettuce to the members] (whispering) Jesus Christ!

Oi, bozo, Are you fucking stupid?

No, chef, I'm not. (interview) J feels like a jackass because of that freaking lettuce. I should have seen it. It's a disgrace. It really is.

Did you see that?

I did not, Chef. If I saw it, I would never put it in there.

(interview) Pretty hard to believe that that butt of lettuce went out there. It's hard to miss that big lettuce chunk if you're just tossing a small salad.

Un-fucking-believable.

Despite J's serving the butt of the lettuce, the blue team has served most of their appetizers.

As the Blue Team heads to the spa for a day of pampering...

Off to the spa we go...

...Back in the dining room, Max's mom lets J.P. know he'll be working with someone to plan the party...

This gentleman's very recommended.

Yes.

So, um...

Bonjour, darling!

Oh, here he is now.

...Someone he knows all too well.

JP, hello! It's so good to see you! [hugs J.P.] I'm so thrilled to be back! Are you thrilled to see me?

Alright, well, we'll see you tomorrow night, OK? Great party.

Thank you so much!

Thank you. (to Francisco) You, listen.

(whispers) Yeah?

You are not interfering with my job.

I respect your boundaries.

Yes?

I do.

Leave my thing for me, and then you do your little thing.

"My little thing." Oh, it will be so happy.

Good.

Oh, here they [the Red Team] come.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, we've done a few parties in the past with Francisco.

I'm so excited to be here! This is so fabulous! [the ladies laugh] Wait until you see what we're making. We are going to go up, up, and away with beautiful balloons, all around. It's going to be so festive!

(interview) Oh, Francisco's just fabulous, all the way around.

We have twinkly centerpieces on all of the tables...

(laughing) Twinkly!

(interview) It's the way he talks, it's the way he dresses, everything. He's fabulous.

We are going to make this the most beautiful sports arena!

(interview) I'm gay, that dude is parade gay.

Whoo!

(interview, laughs) Wow.

Let's get to it!

Yay!

How long for the risotto and pasta?

Plating up the pasta right now.

How's your risotto?

I'm going. I'm going.

Where's the risotto?

Right here chef.

Carol!

Yes, chef!

[tastes the risotto then spits it out] Taste that rice, taste the rice. It's like mush! Show me the rice.

Right here.

Oh, my God! It's overcooked! It's like mush! Who cooked the rice?

The blue team.

The blue team? What? [goes over to the blue kitchen] Oh, come here you, all of you! Who cooked this rice?

I did, chef.

Look at it, J! How can you do that, J? [hurls the rice in the trash] J! For both teams?

Yes, chef.

Aw, fucking hell. Oh, come on. You can't do this!

(interview) The risotto was mushy, clumpy and nasty, and it definitely was not a good way to start the evening.

It's mush! Did you cook it all in the same pan?

Yes, chef.

Oh, fuck me. Oh, come on, fuck off J.

I'll get a pot on, chef. (interview) That pissed off Chef Ramsay, and I really didn't need that, because he's been riding me hard the past couple of days.

(to Jean-Philippe) Jean-Philippe, stop the risotto, yeah? (to J) J! I can't believe you just screwed the service in both kitchens!

(interview) J, you're my friend and I like you a lot, but today, you fucking suck, man.

While Carol and Andrea chew on their mistakes, in the blue kitchen, J is hoping to redeem himself.

(with a piece of undercooked salmon) J!

Yes, chef?

Come on, then! Look, it's still stone-cold. Back in the oven! Fucking hell...

J, I know you're busy, buddy, but how long on the salmon, my man?

Five minutes.

Give me the tuna! Give me the-

He said four minutes out. Can you make it four?

Everything you've touched so far, tonight, has been screwed.

(interview) J just lost his shit, man. He was just clamming up, didn't take control. He was burning the seafood, he was sending raw seafood.

That's called burnt salmon, not seared salmon!

(interview) It takes a real good chef to recover. (to J) You can really turn this around if you want to.

I know.

Wipe your face, wipe your face. [J wipes his face with his sleeve] With a rag!

J, where's the salmon?

Coming around. Right here, chef.

[finds out that the salmon is overdone] Hey, bozo, SAUCE! Come here, you. Put that down, come here, you. Come here, you! Get in there! GET IN!

Fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

I'm here, chef.

It's not good enough, J!

I know, chef. I got no fucking excuse.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know. I'll fucking turn it on right now, chef.

I can't fucking go any further! Please, wake up!

Yes, chef!

As LA tries to get up to speed, over in the blue kitchen...

J! Where's the other scallop?

Right here, chef.

Have you seen this shit?

Disastrous, isn't it?

I have had enough. [calls the blue team] Come here, you! Leave it here, PUT THAT DOWN! You, come here! You come here!

Yes, chef.

What is that? What IS that? What is that? That's us at our best, WHAT IS IT? Wait, it gets better. Look, touch that!

It's rubber, chef.

T-Oh, my GOD! Unbelievable-- [J goes to touch one of the scallops, and Ramsay knocks his hand away] No, no no no, NO! NO! [throws a scallop onto the floor and faces J towards the door] GET OUT! OUT, OUT, OUT! GET OUT! OUT, GET OUT! Take your jacket off, and FUCK OFF!

(interview) I guess I don't belong here, so... I'll be going home. I'm here for a reason, and it's my boy and my wife, so of course I'm disappointed. It was a tough day. (in the dorms) Oh...that's fucked up bro. (interview) My dream when I came to Hell's Kitchen was to win. So, uh, now it's time to move on and get my own restaurants going. You know, I don't need Chef Ramsay's opinion anymore, I've got it. [entering the taxicab] Tomorrow's another day! Let's do it. (interview) It's time for J Maxwell to do his own thing.