Maria quotes from Hell's Kitchen

OK, there's a few out there that are executive chefs, right? [Jay and Siobhan raises their hands] OK, good. There was one I seem to remember...you, (points to Tana) with the glasses.

Yes, chef.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a mom, but I'm a cookbook author.

Never worked in a restaurant?

No, chef.

OK, let's start from the bottom. Bring your dish.

(whispering) Oh, geez.

Apart from it looking like baby vomit, what is that?

It's a veal scallopini.

(tastes the dish, whispers) Oh, God. (to the lady) Listen to me. That dish... was delicious.

(smiles) Thank you, chef.

I mean, I'm shocked. It may look slightly dull and boring, a little bit like you, but well done! (the chefs laugh) Don't look so nervous.

You're scary.

OK, let me give you a hug. (hugs her) There. Right. Relax! Relax, relax, relax.

(interview) That is not his side. He doesn't just hug people. He's not that type of person. He's not personable at all.

What a great start! If that's a sign of things to come, well done! Thank you! (kisses her on her cheeks) God, it was good! [kisses her on her lips; the chefs were shocked and started laughing]

I wanted to be first! (the others laugh)

(interview) Chef Ramsay, you're a little slutty.

(interview) I was just so stunned. Chef Ramsay really did like that dish.

That was fucking amazing. [chefs laugh again] (to the chefs) Listen to me, before we go any further: this person is not who you think she is. (the lady removes her glasses) This person...is... my wife (Tana removes her disguise), Tana. (to Tana) Take that off. [chefs gave her an applause]

(interview) Thank God it's his wife. He just, like, licked her teeth.

(to Tana) A job well done. [kisses her again]

(interview) What a filthy bastard!

(to the chefs) The point I'm trying to make is that I don't give two fucks about how much experience you've got. What I do care about is who has the magic? Who has it? She definitely has it. (to Tana) Well done, my darling.

Thank you. (to the chefs) Good luck to you all.

Thank you for helping make my point. Thank you. [chefs applaud]

It's 45 minutes into dinner service, and Chef Ramsay's guarantee to serve every customer is in danger.

(serving tableside) Just be patient and he'll get the entrées out.

He's hopeful that Jamie's first entrée will get things rolling in the right direction.

What in the fuck is that?

More in the oven chef, right?

Oh, leave me alone. Leave me fucking alone. (slams the beef on the stove) Just touch that there. Just all of you put your fingers on there!

Cold, chef.

Yeah, there you go.

Yes, this is very cold.

Come here, you, touch it! It's like cold cream on a fucking hot steak! (Maria laughs, Gordon stares at her) Maria, madam. Let me tell you something. There's nothing right now to laugh about. I can't get sautéed potatoes, and there, you (Stacey), she's on her third time cooking scallops, and you think it's funny?

But...you're right. Right. (laughs again)

Now she's laughing again! What's funny then, Maria?

Chef, nothing's funny.

You're not laughing, no? I'm seeing things. Hey, come here a minute, yeah. Jamie - hey, Fran, come here. You, come here. Hey: you, you, you, fuck off out of here! We'll finish the service. GET OUT! You (Siobhan), on meat!

Chef, I'm not leaving my team, chef!

I'm telling you, if you don't get out, I'll drag you out! Get upstairs to the dorm! Videos, recipes, demos, it's a fucking joke!

What's your dish?

(sighs) We have blood sausage with a prune purée.

Already you look negative.

I'm not pleased with the plate, that's why I don't look happy. I'm really, really not.

Ugh, that's shit. Who in the fuck chose prunes with blood sausage? Talk to me, red team!

(interview) It was his decision to put those items together on the plate, and Scott's trying not to own up to it.

It went completely wrong.

Understatement of the year!

(interview) I knew it. I'd rather have just gone up there with an empty plate, like "voilà, chef!"

That's a fucking disaster. (throws the plate away)

D'oh!

Right, Benjamin. What is that?

We have a pan-roasted pork loin, drizzled with thyme, star anise and baby bok choi. (interview) The dish that we did was a beautiful dish. The pork was fucking gorgeous.

That was delicious. Just... phenomenal.

(interview) I mean, I would have made love to it right there.

Maria, what is that?

You know, when we had sweet potato, I was like, "sweet potato soup," and then ham-hock, and then we do a honey-infused oil. We put another pan over it and let it pressure cook, and like, one sprig again, of thyme, we just let it marinade. Not, like, a lot. At all.

Breathe.

(interview) I don't know, maybe I talk a little too much. I don't know if it's just flat-out a lack of self-control. It's just outrageous. Look at me now, I can't even stop myself.

Nice soup. The winning dish? (looks at Maria) Congratulations... (Maria smiles) ...you've just screwed your team! (Maria looks upset) Listen to me. I asked for the hamhock as the main ingredient. And you're serving me a sweet potato soup garnished with a spoonful of ham-hock? Blue team, congratulations. Back in line!

(interview) Wonderful. Idiot, I'm an idiot.

What's the matter?

Doesn't want the dates.

Why?

Because I sold the - I wrote down dates and they wanted shrimp.

So you're lying to me. You fucked up the order.

Not intentionally.

Not intent - Come in here you! Come in! Come in! COME IN!!

(interview) Surprise! I screwed up, again. [enters the blue kitchen] I wrote down shrimp and they wanted dates. Er, I wrote down dates and they wanted shrimp.

Okay.

Basically, she fucked up the order! Yeah, she fucked up the order. [Throws the dates in the bin] Fucking bullshit!