Jean-Philippe quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Men are men and women are women and there's no reason to dress them alike.

No... Do you want the ladies to wear some black panties?

Excuse me? Leggings? Uh, panty hose?

Mm-hmm, you have to think about those things, I tell you.

Where's that Belgian?

I would like to sit around with you, and stay with you, but I can't. [backs to the pass] Chef!

What are you trying to do, lose your virginity? [Jean-Philippe takes a look at Gordon, then returns to his station]

Let's go, three salmon, one turbot.

Heather?

Heather West

What?

Is there any salmon left in the house?

What's going on? What's going on?

Chef, I--

What? Come here you! Tell me! I'm the fucking chef!!

Yes, chef. I don't have enough salmon to get through the night.

You're not serious, are you?

I am serious chef.

Hey, I'd fuck off and go and buy some if I were you.

May I substitute using turbot?

Why don't you check with the maître d'? Can we serve turbot in place of the salmon?

On which table?

Table 20. Please? Thank you. (to Sara) Hey, you, fuck off, will you? You useless cow.

Turbot's in here. Sorry chef.

You know missy, you're finished aren't you?

No, chef, come on!

Hey, what do you mean come on? I want you to come on! I want you to wake up!

Chef, I told you and they're resolving it now and all I can do is give you the turbot. I have the salmon in the fridge and there's only 2!

That's right! And whose fucking fault was it?! Don't get fucking upset with me in my fucking kitchen when you're standing there sulking because you fucked the salmon!

I'm not sulking chef.

Yeah, you're finished. Heather, get on the fish please and do something for her yeah?

No, chef.

So wake up and get it back together!

I don't need to be replaced chef!

Then tell her then.

I don't need to be replaced.

There you go.

(interview) I screwed up one fucking table with one fucking salmon. I wasn't beat. Don't get up all about my crotch about shit.

With the red team in shambles, Chef Ramsay turns to the blue team for some reassurance.

Aaron, how are you feeling?

Sorry. [starts to cry] I can't believe I'm crack-- I'm cracking up right now.

Keep it together! For God's sakes, man!

I don't know what's going on! [continues to cry]

Now you're making me feel nervous! I am not going into service with this level of incompetence. You know that.

(outside, to the waiting diners) Not too good... not too good...

Stop fucking crying. Stop, STOP! Do you want to go and lie down in the dorm?

No, sir, I'm fine. I'm fine, chef. I apologize. I'm fine.

You can do it.

Yes, chef.

Good man.

(to the customers) My name's Aaron. I'm a chef. I'm one of your chefs tonight. And welcome to Hell's Kitchen.

Thank you.

(to Jean Philippe) What in the fuck is Aaron doing in the dining room?

My name's Aaron, and I'm a chef in Hell's Kitchen. Welcome to Hell's Kitchen.

He's talking to customers.

He's talking to customers.

My name's Aaron. Well, you already know my name because it's on my shirt!

Get that fucking donkey out of there!

[smelling the crab] Hey, missy (Joanna), is that crab high to you? Anyone else smell that? Where's the crab? [picks up the container and smells it] Ugh! Maryann, smell that-- [seeing Joanna trying to leave] hey you, don't you fucking dare! Come here you! Hello!

[smelling the crab] Oh god.

Can you not smell that? The crab is off. It's fucking rancid! How can you do that?

I did not smell the crab chef.

(interview) I can't believe Joanna had been using that. I mean, it just made you sit up and go "Whoa!"

Have you sent one out already?

No, chef, we haven't.

Thank God for that! YOU'LL KILL SOMEONE! [throws the crab in the bin] Hey, get off! Get off! Julia, take over.

Yes, chef.

Should I recommend something else?

Oh, you fuck recommend. Yeah, recommend a new restaurant.

Where's the wellington? How long?

[comes up to Gordon] My wellingtons are going to be overdone.

Oh, for fuck's sake! Oh, come on!!

I'm not waiting another minute for my main course.

Seventeen (wellingtons) on order and you've got three to send. We're fourteen short!

(to a female diner) You don't want to stay a bit longer?

Uhm, no.

Chef, they are all walking out. To the left and 12, 14, from both sides, chef.

(to the red team) Stop. (calls the blue team) Come here. Hey, hello, chef (Josh), sabotage. Your tables are now getting up and leaving. Fuck off, will you, yeah? [gets the tickets from the pass, crumples them and throws them away] Get out. GET OUT!

Jean-Philippe, what table is the lady from, please? So we can find out where food is, please?

23 chef.

23, blue, yes?

Yes, chef.

Take the giraffe back to her table please. Service please, let's go.

Excuse me?! I'm asking for service and he's being rude.

Let's go. (to the tall lady) Fuck off, will you? Move your fucking ass, will you?

Table 20, spaghetti undercooked chef.

Blue, yes?

Oui chef.

Where's fucking pretty-boy sushi man (Josh), where is he?

Right here, chef.

Complaint: raw spaghetti. No don't fucki-- [grunts] The fuck you call that? What do you think you are? WWF... Wrestling? Dick. Taste it!

I'm just getting so fucking wound up. It's not going anywhere. We're not getting anything out. Everything's fucking done, clearly given up, and it's fucking embarrassing.

No, chef!

[returning with a dish] Chef?

Aw, fuck off! Oh, fuck off! [kicks a bin] Fuck off! What did they say?

Chicken being cold, chef.

Ah?

Chicken being cold.

Right, hey, gentlemen. Hey, ladies, yeah, all look good well over. Hey, Barbie! (Bonnie) Do your hair before you come over! Stone-cold chicken, fucking salty fucking garnish, yeah? And fucking - there you go chef, there you go. [drops the dish on the floor] Fucking clear down.

(interview) Chef was furious. He dropped the plate, he said "Fuck off! Shut down!" And we were SO goddamn close again! Damn it.

What's the matter?

Lobster's chewy, chef. And the beef overdone.

Ohhhh, no. The whole fucking six top returned. Hello, look at me. Thanks (Melissa) for overcooking the monk-fish. Thanks (Josh) for shafting me on the mashed potatoes, and thanks (Brad) for being a twat on the appetisers. It's just so sad. Shut it down! Clear down.

What about dessert?

When it's closed, it's closed.

Fuck that.

More than a hour into dinner service, guests are finally getting a taste of Josh's appetizers.

How's everything?

[whispers in JP's ear] It's undercooked.

Oh, my God!

Risotto undercooked, chef.

Sorry?

Under-cooked, chef.

Oh, my God almighty! [tastes the risotto, then spits it out] Ugh! Ugh! Oh, fuck off! Fuck-- (to Josh) come here! Come here! Come here! Come here! Come here, you! What are you doing? Just what the FUCK are you doing? Every table so far, nothing's coming out. You're standing there, you're screwing me, and you're fucking useless. What are you doing?

Sorry, chef.

Yeah, do me a favor.

Yes, chef?

[rips Josh's jacket open] Take that off and FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE! GET OUT! GET OUT! Hey, you! Leave the jacket and GET OUT! GET OUT!

Give me the jacket!

I'm giving you--

Give me the FUCKING jacket! [Gordon takes the jacket from Josh, crumples it up and throws it into the storeroom] Fucking useless sack of SHIT! GET OUT! GET OUT!

[leaving Hell's Kitchen] (interview; imitates a bomb falling and exploding) I would have given my right arm to stay in this service and keep fighting because I came here with a dream to win...and it appears it's over. It appears that Green Valley Ranch is not in my future. Dream's over, guys.

Welcome to Hell's Kitchen. You must be all very excited to meet Chef Gordon Ramsay. Actually, I'm quite good at doing an impression of him.

" What about you(To Shayna)? Can you do a little impression of Gordon?

How about you(To Jason)?

I think you're going to have to work on it. What about you (To chef Ramsay) big guy?

(interview) Damn, he's doing it real good.

(interview) Wait a minute.

(interview) I know that voice.

That's right. It's me. (removes his disguise. The chefs start screaming and hollering.)

(interview) Oh, my God! I've been sitting next to the chef on the bus the whole fucking time!

(interview) Whoo! Didn't know it was coming.

Halt! Let's see if you guys can actually cook as well as you shout off on the bus. And you, the black Gordon Ramsay right?

Yes sir. Four star general.

Time to button it now and start cooking. Get in there and cook me your signature dishes. Let's go!

What's the matter?

They are leaving, chef.

What?

It's going empty.

(to both teams) STOP! Look out there! Your customers have gone. Shut it down. clear down.

(to a customer) It's raw? Okay, we'll do another one for you. (brings the dish to the pass)

Oh, fuck off.

That's Table 31, Chef. This is not cooked.

Blue. Come here, you. Oi, all of you, come here. (to Sharon) You've stopped. (to Christina) You've given up. (to Matt) You're setting the place on fire. (to Jason) And you're sending me raw fish, that's fucking cold and fucking raw. [angrily throws the fish in the bin]

It's not mine.

"It's not mine?" How dare you? It's just come back from the table.

Oh, okay.

SHUT IT DOWN! (to Jean-Philippe) GET THE FUCKERS OUT!