Danny quotes from Hell's Kitchen

And the name of the dish is what?

Mahi Gone Bananas, chef.

[tastes the dish] It looks like you've gone slightly bananas. It's hideous. Back in line.

(interview) Ramsay's definitely just looking for a rise out of me, which he's going to eventually get.

So the idea came from where?

I just pulled it out of my ass, sir.

Put it back in there because it sucks.

Danny? Come here, that's you. Overcooked scallops, let's go. It's not exactly rocket science.

Well, obviously, chef. [angrily slams his pan; Gordon gives him a dirty look]

(to Danny) Hey you, come here, you. Come here.

Yes, chef.

Okay, can you cook like a team member?

I'll wash their station and my station, chef.

How about communicating with them?

I did, chef.

Don't fucking dare start getting fucking pissed with me. Is that clear?

Chef, yes, chef.

Good. NOW JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

What's wrong?

He (diner) said that he wants it bright up a little bit, chef.

Giovanni?

Yes, chef?

Robert, come here! Robert, bounce your way down here. Let's go. [portions the beef] (pounds the counter) Touch it! Touch it!

It's cold.

FUCKING SHIT!! [throws the beef away] It's still walking, that fucking piece of beef!

(interview) It pisses me off. We have an executive chef of a steakhouse running our grill. Wake up, get it together, and put out some decent food.

Giovanni!

Yes, chef?

Thank fuck I've visited your steakhouse! It's fucking blue!

Yes, chef!

Imma tell you one thing: I don't like fucking losing. Come on, Danny, I was over there helping with you then I jumped over, I had to help with the eggs. We were all helping each other.

[interjecting] You should've been on eggs the whole time.

You were the one drowning on the pancakes, buddy.

That is-that is correct.

Look, you gave me a hand walking the pancakes up, and thank you for that.

Wait a minute, Danny. [J laughs] Come on, man. Are you serious right now?

What? You-you helped me plate some pancakes, and I appreciate it, thank you, I-I'm not a-

It's cool, man. Don't worry about it. I just-

I mean, I'm not a hero here, I never said I was.

You said that earlier. You said you were the best cook.

I am obviously the best cook on the team.

You want to hear something, dude? I will cook circles around you! I will circle you like a fucking moon!

Where have you been?

Hey, hey come on! Danny, come on! Hey, Ben!

[over Giovanni] Are you joking me? You couldn't cook my COCK!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Are you joking me? I AM SO FUCKING-

Where have you been?

[stands between Danny and Ben] Be quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

We'll see you on garnish. Let me see you on garnish.

Shut the fuck up.

I mean- you know what, I need two minutes, I need two minutes, bro.

Take your two minutes, bro, because I haven't seen you in the kitchen yet.

This is - HEY!

Where have you been?

[heads down to the patio] (interview) Danny's ego is getting the better of him, and he needs to come back down on this planet.

YOU'VE GOTTEN A COMPLIMENT YET, BEN?

OK. On order: Four covers, Table 4. Two risotto, one spaghetti, one Caesar salad.

Yes, Chef!

(to Giovanni) Is it [the water] boiling?

How long?

I'm waiting for the water to boil, Chef.

You expect me to tell Jean-Philippe we're waiting for your water to boil?

Oh, I'm sorry.

(interview) Oh, man, Gio. How do you expect to cook pasta in water that's not boiling?

Hey, look at me. There's no olive oil in there, the water's not seasoned, it's not even boiling!

(interview) Oh, that was my fault. I didn't check my equipment. It won't happen again, that's for sure.

Let's go, Giovanni, let's go! Oh, my God...

While Giovanni's in hot water, over in the Red kitchen, Coi's trying to get ahead.

(to Coi) Why are you cooking spaghetti when I haven't even fired it? DAMN!

Fuck!

WHY?!

I'm sorry, chef.

I can't believe this! Why can't you just drop it to order?!

I will, chef.

Tell me why you can't!

I'm just trying to get ahead, chef.

You can't get ahead! You're not that good!

(interview) I was trying to get so many steps ahead, so I'm kicking myself in the ass because if I would have listened better, he wouldn't be screaming at me.

Coi? Put some more spaghetti in. Make yourself...

Yes, chef.

Hey, I'm joking, you stupid cow!

Where are the Wellingtons?

Five and a half minutes, chef.

I'm watching you like a fucking hawk.

I know you are, chef.

You know why? Do you know why?

I don't-I don't know, chef.

I want you out. You're not cutting it. You're dreaming.

(interview) It hurts. It hurts when someone goes at you like that.

Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Put that down. [finds that Ben has put fresh Wellingtons in a tray filled with burnt bits of pastry] Oh, my god! Look! Look!

(interview) Ben was struggling, just getting beat up by chef. Ben's just like J, in dinner service he just falls apart.

Come here, you! Get in there, get in! [Gordon leads Ben into the pantry] What's your fucking game?

No game, chef.

Tell me something straight. What are you doing?

Chef, I'm doing everything I can...

Why are you putting them on a dirty tray?

Chef, only because I was doing Wellington on them before, and I could not find any more...

And that's good enough for you?

No, it's not, chef.

Is it fucked?

It's not. I don't want to do it in a...

YOU DIRTY PIG!

Yes, chef.

CLEAN THE FUCKING TRAY!!

Yes, chef.

One more, and you're fucking history. GET IN!

(interview) Today, it took everything I had not to go up in my little coccoon. I just had to push forward.

DIRTY PIG!

Leave it! Fucking hell, what is that?

Wha-I...

What is that, I said! Look at it! It's on fire!

Is this your well-done?

(tearfully) I don't know.

(interview) She was lost. [in mockery of Lacey] "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, HUHU!!"

What's the matter with you?

I CAN'T COOK MEAT, CHEF!

What do you mean you can't cook meat?

Obviously I'm way too confused...

Hey madam, madam! Get out! GET OUT!

(interview) Can't handle the heat, get out the kit-CHEN!

[follows Lacey to the pantry] "I can't cook meat?"

I–I'm sorry. I just got really confused.

If you got confused, why didn't you say something?

I did and then Robert put the chicken and the chicken went on fire and...!

Why can't you just make the effort?

I'm trying to make an effort.

Do you want to come back in there and make an effort?

Yes, chef.

Well, wake up and get a grip! Come on! [leads Lacey out of the pantry]

(interview) One station failed...

[Andrea's pan catches on fire] Pan's on fire, pan's on fire!

...and another station failed. It's no joke.

We're going up in flames. [picks up Andrea's pan]

(interview) First night with the Black team, one big cluster fuck.

Same shit, different day! (throws the pan into the sink)

[Ben's pan also catches fire] What about the rest of the table? We need cover-up.

Dynamic six, yeah. My fucking ass. Fuck off, the lot of you. [walks out of the kitchen and throws his towel away]

After a couple of days without any word on how Robert is doing, Chef Ramsay calls the chefs down for a meeting.

So you're feeling fresh, very relaxed. Did you enjoy the whole atmosphere at the Borgata Resort?

Very much so.

Incredible, Chef.

Sadly, you came back minus one individual. Clearly, you're all deeply concerned. I'm not going to tell you how he's doing, I'm going to let him tell you himself. Chef Robert.

Okay, big boy. Let me just say how pleased I am to see you.

Thank you.

How are you feeling?

Not good.

Ah?

Not good.

What did the medics say?

I have pericarditis, which is the swelling of the sac around the heart which leads to heart disease.

Oh dear. Are you coming back?

No.

No?

I'm not coming back.

What's going, Ben? (gets no response) Oh, my God almighty! Oh, come on. Three Dory, two salmon, one chicken. (sees what Ben is doing) Why is he putting the lettuce there like that? He's trying to sauté it.

I don't know, chef.

Look at the mess of this guy.

He throwing everything in a pot.

(interview) I was just absolutely... just mind-boggled.

[picks up a pan and a piece of lettuce] You've got a pan here like that and you're throwing lettuce on top like that... you're shit. You are so shit, you don't realise what you're doing!

(interview) Oh, man Ben! Like, come on. You know better than that.

Hey, come here a minute. Why are you doing this? You're just adding the lettuce to the tomato and cucumber, you're not sautéing the lettuce?

Chef, I was in a side pan s-sautéing the tomatoes and the cucumbers, chef. But I did it wrong, chef.

Yeah, you're fuckin' up, you're cutting corners, and you're slipping big time! Do you know what? Do you know your biggest problem that'll always be the downfall of your career? You're full of fuckin' shit! 'cause every time you get fuckin' something wrong, you give a bullshit fuckin' excuse, but right now, I'm fed up with your bullshit excuses!

(interview) There's really nothing that I can do to please Chef Ramsay, and I'm slowly but surely being able to accept that.

FUCK OFF!!

Yes, chef.

You're too dangerous to have on service. I asked you what you're doing, you said you're sautéeing tomatoes, ARE YOU FUCK! YOU DIRTY PIG! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! Un-fuckin'-believable.

(interview) What the fuck is going on?! I–I'm very upset right now, but I don't give up. I'm a good cook, I know how to cook. You know, I feel like I need to really try and pull it together. [goes in the bathroom to wash his face] Okay, we're back. (interview) I certainly ain't leaving here without a fight. I'll tell you that.

All of you, come here! What night is this? What fucking night?

Important night of the year!

Yeah, the most important night. Is this the most important gnocchi you've ever cooked?!

No, it's not.

Fuck off will you? (slams the pan on the workstation)

Come on, Trev.

What is that?

(interview) That looks like a big-ass booger.

Oh, my God.

Wake up, Trevor! Nothing's coming out! ON A NIGHT LIKE TONIGHT! WAKE UP!

(to Trev) My lobster's up and you have no garnish.

(interview) Get off my pass and let me cook!

(to Holli) Trev is gone tonight. What do you think?

Yeah.

What do you need Trev?

(interview) This is not what he needs. Trev sucks. Dude, are you stoned? Like, did you smoke a joint before you came in here?

Trevor, you can't serve with those carrots in a burned pan.

Oh, no. I am going to fucking fix it.

I'll help you!

Do not help me! Get the fuck out of my ass! Don't fucking help me!

(interview) He is so stupid.

Does anybody need help right now? I'm good on app(etizer)s.

Could use a hand over here, definitely.

Here's your shallots.

How many are on the garnish? One... two... three of you. Sabrina garnish, Nona garnish! Trev, what are you doing?

Working it chef.

(to Gail) Gail, go over to the garnish as well, and might as well.

(interview) I've never seen Chef Ramsay called over the entire kitchen to help one person. Ridiculous. [to Trev] The squash is burning.

The squash is what? Burning? [facepalms]