Good morning, Peter. Hope you enjoyed sleeping in.
Oh, there's no sleeping in, when you're an alcoholic, Lois. You just never go to sleep.
S20Mister Act
How dare you buy me something that suggests I need exercise?!
This is a loud way to say thank you.
S20The Lois Quagmire
Do people bring husbands to these things?
You're not thinking of going without them, are you?
Honestly, Brian. These girls come from old money so they can be pretty stuffy and judgmental.
Well, [kills a bird and eats it] ...I'm still available.
We’ll be out here eating pizza like we’re in an ’80s commercial.
[music starts]
Smile in your family’s face / It’s pizza night! / Eye contact with your son / He’s gonna take a stringy bite! / The obesity epidemic / Was starting to take hold / So stuff your face with pizza / Before it gets too cold / Before it gets too cold, yeah!
Pizza!
S20Lawyer Guy
The year 2020 was a terrible year for the Corona Beer company so they had to sell off all their TV commercial hammocks.
The neighbor's sprinkler ruined whatever this is.
Not so fast, Chris. I don't give up that easily.
Good for you, Dad. Go knock on the neighbor's door and have a mildly uncomfortable conversation.
I give up.
S20HBO-No
Guys, great news. My uncle just died so we can use his HBO Max password until they cancel his credit card!
Let's start with Game of Thrones, which aired 8 seasons and was beloved by America for 6 and a half seasons.
S20Hard Boiled Meg
For those of you who don't know what VR is, I will now attempt to explain it without the aid of a teleprompter. You put a computer on your face and it's like this whole world man, it's crazy. I dated a chick whose little brother had one. Just nuts.
Gentlemen, the going great is $20 a game over here. Who's got a pair of stones big enough to challenge The Mighty Meg?
S20Prescription Heroine
Oh, good. Kids, you're just in time for breakfast.
No time, Mom. The girl I stalk has field hockey practice at 8:00! I love a red-cheeked barbarian.
How 'bout you, Meg?
Can't. I'm weirdly the girl he's stalking. God, help me. I love the attention.
Well, I have the whole day. I guess I can watch The Office for so long that Netflix has to ask if I'm still alive.
[Lois clicks on her remote, cut to a Netflix menu on the screen asking a question]
You've been watching for a while. Are you still alive?
[Underneath the question are "Yes" and "No" as possible answers, Lois selects "Yes" and another question appears onscreen]
Are you sure? You've watched three non-Michael Scott episodes in a row.
[Lois selects "Yes" again and another question appears]
Sorry, we have to ask again to make sure you're not a cat walking on the remote. Are-- are you a cat walking on the remote?
[The word "Meow" replaces "Yes" as a possible answer, Lois selects "No" and another message appears]
Okay, sorry to give you the third degree. I can see you're going through some stuff.
[Lois hears a knock on the door]
[offscreen] Hey, Lois, is everything okay? Uh, our Netflix says your Netflix is worried about you.
S20Girlfriend, Eh?
I'm home from camp!
Welcome, home!
Meg's been wearing your clothes.
S20First Blood
Slippery slides are a nightmare of unexpected bumps and mishaps.
Are you sure? Cuz the multicultural kids on the box seem to be having fun.
[The multicultural kid on the box starts talking]
AKAsian Kid
Hi!
HKHispanic Kid
Hola!
BKBlack Kid
I'm a real boy who was put here by a witch!
S20Jersey Bore
PPreston
Peter, you'll be very happy to know I finished conducting my employee productivity evaluations. I used a system called the Determining Employee Advancement Duties Working Engagement Intelligence Gains Hourly Test or DEADWEIGHT. And my results have shown you to be the brewery's least productive employee. So, pack your bags.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.